A great opening chapter. I like living together settings. The only thing I think I will have trouble with is the fact so many characters introduced at once and my memory is hardly the best. Other than that very well presented. Looking forward to the character interactions.

I'll start out with overall impressions and go deeper after. It definitely had the right setup and feel of a harem story. The setting and story for the chapter felt very much like the first episode of Love Hina all the way to the shower/onsen scenes. So the harem mood is definitely achieved.

It is pretty typical for the main character of a harem to be considered a loser. Though this is usually through them getting caught in bad situations and being terrible at almost everything. Though the way you describe him he sounds average. It is often used that they have no redeeming qualities. Nothing wrong with being average, it works just as well for this sort of situation. Many times it is the idea that the average man can be lucky and they are like the audience, despite the audience never having a chance at such luck.

In general, you will want to avoid using Japanese words that have an English equivalent. Using it for honorifics or proper names, because it is something completely unique to Japanese culture is fine. So a type of food or meal makes sense, but something like teacher has an English word.

You did well to focus mostly on one of the girls for the chapter rather than trying to get them all in. However, it does feel a little rushed placing all of the girls in there with a couple of lines. It might have been a little easier to include a couple of extra girls and then bring the rest in the next chapter. Because there is very little time to get acquainted with one before you switch to the next. So the rest of the girls end up a little blurred and forgotten.

Rest of the chapter with the bath played out as expected for any harem. The moment Asuna was going for a bath the rest was very predictable. It is a staple of the harem genre, so it is not a bad thing, unless you were wanting to go for something different.

The end felt a little abrupt. A lot of harem tend to be more episodic with overarching plots spread out. The ones that don't usually end on a powerful cliffhanger. In this case the answer is already known and the line of conversation is expected, so it is not a strong cliffhanger. It feels like it should keep going until the matter is resolved or something very dramatic happens to close on a note like that.

The pacing and structure for the chapter all felt right. The order of events were easy to follow. Remembering the other characters is a little difficult, but otherwise it is a constructed well. It is a solid start to a harem story. Keep up the hard work!

I wonder, do ninja schools follow the college-prep curriculum? ...Ah, well, the Writer's Shrug of Law can always tell reality to beat it. And they're ninjas, they can always tamper with the university entrance exams.

This is an awesome story! I hope Sora gets better at ninja stuff, I want to see him as an awesome ninja! Also what is the "ninja magic" thing? Is it like controlling chakra to do techniques or an entirely different thing all together? Anyways please update soon!

This story is asome

Some people will start to wonder just why on earth there isn't an efficient 'visitor' system in modern ninja villages. They could always go 'Oh, hey, look, he's wearing a visitor's pass, meaning he's a plain old civilian!' Neat, no? They could always prepare a tour guide. But then again, 'hermits have no preparation' so the secret ninja village really is a...secret ninja village. And efficiency spoils the fun in romantic, harem comedies like these anyway.

Nice.

Love this! Can I write this as a proper manga? It's awesome!

I thought 'why the hell not' when I read the summary. It's similar to the usual manga-romantic comedy, where girls are girls in the fact that they think their opinions override any other personal opinion, and boys will be boys in the fact that they, frustratingly, can't defuse any situation properly with the right words. That's alright though-because the they're the main characters (sarcasm, sarcasm). Although it's not like I dislike such a setting. I love it, on the contrary.

But you're bringing something a little more new into the frame with the 'strange town' concept (ninja village, maybe?). I'm actually looking forward to this, and more of Kaoru's adorable innocence. XD