|Reviews for Stonehall High|
| FtDLulz 5/21/13 . chapter 41
I wonder what she will do now? Thanks for the new chapter!
| Michael 5/21/13 . chapter 41
| FtDLulz 5/17/13 . chapter 39
Not complaining, but this is a long fight! Thanks for the new chapter!
| FtDLulz 5/12/13 . chapter 38
That Ripper seems to be very resilient. Thanks for the new chapter!
| FtDLulz 5/8/13 . chapter 36
Epic fight scene. Thanks for the new chapter!
| lookingwest 5/8/13 . chapter 35
So I've been like, completely binge watching the anime show Soul Eater for the past few days, and this really reminded me of Soul Eater. I think it might just be the scythe and the fact the MC is a girl who wields it. It seems a ton different though, I just thought I'd mention as I could see that being an inspiration. Anyway, since it's hard to comment on any of the character development as I've missed thirty-four other chapters, I'll say that I did like how you wove the dialogue in with the fighting because I thought it was paced well and it also felt realistic. I didn't like that there were a lot of grammatical mistakes concerning the dialogue/speaker tags because that made the dialogue sometimes chunky to read and disrupted the flow. You can just google it to find out how to punctuate correctly, but remember it should look like this:
"Hi," he said.
NOT "Hi" He said.
OR "Hi." He Said.
Otherwise, you also do a good job finding an exit for the fight to prolonge it into the next chapter and I liked the interruption of it by the Ripper because I think he seems mysterious. You also did a good job establishing visual character traits, but maybe you could also linger more on the setting and give us some sensory details as well.
| FtDLulz 5/5/13 . chapter 35
Ooh, mysterious guy! I want to see who this guy is. Thanks for the chapter!
| FtDLulz 5/3/13 . chapter 34
I can't wait to see what that mischievous plan of theirs is. Thanks for the new chapter!
| FtDLulz 4/30/13 . chapter 33
Thanks for the new chapter! Would have reviewed before, but I was bogged down with homework. Sorry!
| FtDLulz 4/16/13 . chapter 31
You might want to change sceptically to skeptically. Thanks for the new chapter!
| FtDLulz 4/14/13 . chapter 30
Thanks for the new chapter! I'd put more, but I'm bad at giving story advice!
| professional griefer 3/16/13 . chapter 24
So I'm coming into this having not read anything else of this story, so please, if I say something that's not true or whatever, feel free to ignore it.
First of all, I didn't really care for how you write action. It's precise, I could see it, but you use a lot of unnecessary words, and it just feels passive.
I do like what I think is going on with Marcello and Colin, I'm a huge fan of the 'friend betrays other friend' thing, and from what I've seen, I think you pulled it off pretty well.
I also really liked the ending. It was definitely an awesome hook, I kinda did a rage squid at the end when I realized you stopped it there, so good job with that.
My only other complaint would have to be your dialogue. It felt kinda stiff and unnatural.
I really liked this overall, though! Good job!
| Gr1m 2/24/13 . chapter 2
Really good, definitely entertaining. The devil is in the details, describing things more intensely like "my foot crashed through the dead skin while hollow withered bones snapped." Things like senses touches really bring the reader in. The fight seen was well done and very clear for me to interpret. The idea of being in relationship with a zombie was a cool little add on and gave your character personality or a look into their lives. Awesome stuff, will read more.
| FtDLulz 2/8/13 . chapter 20
Loved it, love the story.
| Just no one 2/7/13 . chapter 19
I love this story so. FREAKING. MUCH.
And I agree with FTDLuls; another chapter or die.
Your combined story is the reason I keep coming back to FP! Keep it up! The plot is captivating!