|Reviews for Event Horisen|
| Naomi Chick 2/7/13 . chapter 1
An interesting prologue. The connection was strong like I could interact with the narration especially the way things were describe. Though, I feel the influence over the content was a lot to take into consideration.
| Kay Iscah 2/4/13 . chapter 1
Okay, I know prologues often act as teasers, so this doesn't need to explain everything. But if you're going to open with pure description, I'd try being less vague and more descriptive. Particularly with original sci-fi that isn't based in an established universe, your opening really needs to bridge the reader into the story, not confuse them.
I think these images are very strong in your head, but I need more description to make them strong in mine.
Also, you don't need the second comma in your summary.
| Persevera 1/31/13 . chapter 1
It's a smart idea to separate your short dashes with spaces but if you want to lose long dashes—I've just learned this great trick that can be done right in your text, so you don't have to copy/paste from somewhere else. I'll share it with you if you'd like.
[This gleaming gray lark, carried along by space faring winds, it soundlessly drifts through the infinite expanses of the void. A dull thrum resonating throughout the hull as an invisible force pushes it along on its tireless journey.] Good, descriptive paragraph. The sentences could be divided more correctly, giving a reader less things to criticize.
I really liked the ending of this, with the ship you'd so eloquently described meeting its demise and something rising from the wreckage.
It's cool that you described the ship as a gray lark and the new entity as a phoenix.
| YFIQ 1/22/13 . chapter 3
Gwen is not so different huh? Not surprising when it comes to being a covert pervert. So far it's pretty lighthearted so I guess the darker part will come in soon.
| YFIQ 1/22/13 . chapter 2
Guess during wartimes like this, you wind up in a militaristic background. That's the part of the everyday life in this world.
| YFIQ 1/22/13 . chapter 1
Pretty apocolyptic description.
Not sure of the spelling of the story title is intentional, if not you could fix it. Now, onto the second chapter where the real story begins.