I'm...supposed...to...be...SLEEPING.

This has me seriously hooked. I particularily liked how she found out what she was...and I'm curious to see how she'll cover it up if/when the others find out.

The plot and stuff is being awesome right now but the lack of description really kills suspense. So, well, it wasn't as awesome as it was supposed to be. It was just too sudden and choppy.

The narration sounds kind of choppy and though it doesn't bore me it doesn't captivate me that much either. You're lacking too much description, so even if I know what's happening, I don't know anything else, so 'yknow. Though the plot is good so far. It has kept me holding my breath. Ooooh so teh MC's Brittany. Hmm hmm.

I'm not really warming to the main character, but dialogue and narration has been entertaining to read so far.

Hmm... The introduction wasn't really that awesome but the summary caught my eye soooooooo yeah.

And I opened the..?

More intrigue, but rather than urging me to read on it is having the opposite effect. All these questions are piling up and with some answers (full or half) I have nothing to go on and no patience to continue.

What we have here are the bones of a story. There is structure, but barely since everything is drawn out so much that even that is becoming sloppy. You could contract some of the chapters together, merging them and padding them out to speed up the plot development so we readers know where we're headed. There is yet to be a story told (despite being promised it by the MC at the start) but there is a lot of potential there. I want to help you tap into it and turn this is to something special.

You have a great writing style. Really fab and so is your imagination. I have a hunch where this is headed and if I'm right, then this could be a fantastic spin on werewolf lore. There is no problem with my saying this is a bare bones kind of read, because it is pretty much the first draft. You can come back to fill it out once the start, middle and end exist on paper, and not just in your mind. I want to see this get off the ground. I know it will.

More cold MC and now an irrationally angry BF too. You have a strange cast. Again with the book obsession. Sure, being overly interested in werewolves can be a trait of a character, but you're not demonstrating it very well to the extent that I'm getting angry at your MC.

There is no plot development either. We haven't progressed further along and we keep getting more problems piled on, with no solutions to the already existing issues, which is now crossing over into frustration, as opposed to anticipation. I'm losing interest in your MC's tale and there isn't even any detail/description or relationship development going on to distract me. All we have is bland inner dialogue. Prod your plot along here or add some other elements, such as clearly friendships. Try to place them in a context too. So far we've only been in the MC's head and haven't seen through her eyes.

There is no flow, no linking of prose together to weave a story together. This chapter is all statements and dialogue, bang, bang, bang, and it's really hard to read as a consequence. I cannot sympathise or like the MC at all, I'm leaning towards active hate of her. No-one could possibly be so obsessed over a book/topic that they didn't bother to worry about their friend.

There is also a lack of emotion and personality in all three of the characters we've been introduced to, which harkens back to my point that this feels like a plan/skeleton and not a finished product. Easily remedied by going back over your work and adding traits to your characters.

Other than that there is intrigue and mystery to your plot. I am very curious as to what is going on and how the book ties in. I'm not so lost that I'm frustrated and your writing style is refreshing, a very accurate portrayal of the inner dialogue of most humans. Nice.

Your main character states at the beginning of the chapter that the story will start where things got weird, yet nothing happens in this chapter, let alone something weird. It is light on the details, repetitive and your character's narrative grates.

Despite this, there is something intriguing about the plot and you have a unique writing style, which is nice. I want to carry on, so I hope things progress and pad out. Right now though, this looks like a plan, all bare bones and no meat to sink teeth into. I'd like to see you come back to this chapter and flesh it out.

That was awesome! Not a big fan of all the cussing though! Can't wait until you continue the story! ;)

I guess she was getting into the car! Proceed with writing please.

Yes what are they supposed to tell the cops if they ask all about their sudden appearance? Only you shall reveal the answer to that question in good time!

MOAR i luv this story

The plot thickens!