|Reviews for When The Rain Falls|
| Melody Hallows 1/2/13 . chapter 4
This is... suffice to say, a very interesting concept! I can't really comment on the plotline since I don't know where you're going with this, but from what I've seen so far it's very different! And now for the criticisms.
Compositionally, this is mediocre. I mean it's lacking in a bit of eloquence but at least you've indented your paragraphs correctly and there isn't a typo every other word. Now this slightly vague form of writing could work for your story, however, as certain other reviews state, it's missing some things. In particular, the atmosphere isn't quite developed, nor are the characters. The chapters are painstakingly short and what little description there is is choppy and short. Now, J. K. Rowling used a similar writing style to this, particularly as far as the time went. The difference is that when J. K. Rowling used this sort of tone she followed up the skipped days with a brief but fulfilling synopsis of the things that had occurred. Chapters in the Harry Potter series could span across whole weeks if not months but the mechanics of this was that she did a lot of description.
I'm not entirely fond of first person honestly. I used to be, but in order to portray many different characters as accurately as possible I switched to third. Also, as far as first person goes, well unless your character constantly refers to themselves by name then the writing style you're using will easily conflict with itself (fast paced timeline limits the amount of dialogue and increases the amount of description. As a result your character's name comes up less and occasionally your reader may feel disconnected enough to not remember your character's name.)
Now that's all I'll comment now, but I would like to ask if you could read one or both of my stories and review please.
| TheMortalScribe 1/2/13 . chapter 1
if this was facebook, i'd give this a LIKE.
| Ghostlingx 1/1/13 . chapter 3
ohohohohohohohohohohohohoh? Potato review time :)
It was interesting, but a bit fast paced. You need to clarify the surroundings and happenings a bit more. Also, your usage of the past and present voices was a bit shabby. Make sure to clarify it to the reader.
I really liked it! Keep it up!
Last chapter :P Nut house. Funny XD
Cliffhangers everywhere? Oh... how interesting.
| Ghostlingx 1/1/13 . chapter 1
Review for this chapter is here. :P
I promise I'll make some crazy reviews next chapters. :3
| BloodWillSpill 1/1/13 . chapter 3
I definitely took the mystery hook you casted out. This story is really interesting. But I was a bit confused around the end of chapter 2. What did happen to everyone but a good cliffhanger nonetheless! Update soon!
| A. Nonymous1234 12/31/12 . chapter 2
In the first chapter there were a few mistakes. You said bulling instead of bullying, said form room instead of dorm room, and I didn't understand the sentence "The next day it was school, and it was raining." Some reediting and grammar could be use for that.
The idea is actually really cool, and with some editing and such this could be an amazing story. I feel bad for the MC. ):
| kingamnesia 12/31/12 . chapter 2
Keep it up, this is just getting better!
| kingamnesia 12/31/12 . chapter 1
Breathy not breathily voice. But yeah, followed. Will read the next chapter.