|Reviews for Bloodlines|
| Lynn K. Hollander 3/23/13 . chapter 1
The presentation is sometimes awkward, with omitted words, run on sentences and logic jumps: I walked inside and pulled my shirt off to check for bruises. I didn't, which was good. 'I didn't' WHAT? have any bruises?
'I grabbed Cameron out of fear and realized he was shaking out of fear too. Of course something like that would strike fear into anybody. He shook his fear and ...' 'fear' becomes redundant. Try: Frightened, I grabbed Cameron and realized he was shaking too. Of course something like that would strike fear into anybody. He shook his paralysis and ...
"Sorry about that I wasn't going to be easy with you even if you are girl or my friend I need a good score on my final." -yes, this is dialogue, but even 15 year olds break into real sentences once in a while: "Sorry about that(PERIOD). I wasn't going to be easy with you even if you are girl or my friend(PERIOD). I need a good score on my final."
' Cameron said as he knelled down ...' kneeled or knelt. Knelled is past of 'knell', which means to ring bell, as in 'the church bell knelled...'My spell check screws this up, too. Ignore it: kneeled OR knelt is correct according to my hard copy dictionary.
And a dearth of necessary commas, too many to note each one.
Beyond all that, the displayed skills are basically good. Kaira doesn't come across as much of a girl in this, but it was mostly action.
| Clear World 1/1/13 . chapter 2
My first impression... engaged.
In terms of character, I don't have any feelings for either characters yet. All I know is both of them are fighters and just gone through deep lost, but beyond that, I can't relate to them yet but I am more than willing to learn more about them once this story actually begins.
Can't wait to read the first official chapter.