|Reviews for The Unintentional Time-Travelers|
| Van Trent 2/15/13 . chapter 7
I like how this story is going. You are explaining this well so I don't have any questions as I'm reading. I'm looking forward to the rest of the story.
| AmnesiaticRoses 2/10/13 . chapter 2
I really enjoy the way you write dialogue - both Rory and Elaine have unique voices and they're fun to read interacting. This has been a fun read so far :)
| AmnesiaticRoses 2/10/13 . chapter 1
I very much like your prose and the inner voice you've given your main character. I think the premise of this first chapter is solid as well.
The only thing I might suggest is that a lot of the backstory stuff may be better served by not coming first. The first few sentences are great, giving us a glimpse of her personality and her situation, but then we get a lot of stuff about her college, her mail, her difficulty getting work... its all good, important information, but for me at least, it's not terribly compelling until you've already made me care about the character. The conversation with the colonel accomplished that really well I thought
| cypress16 1/21/13 . chapter 4
Interesting... three men in full body armor in the backseat of a mini van... also minor problem, most mini vans have buckets in the middle, if its a bench, its usually a two person bench ... the biggest guy could be relegated to the third row bench ... perhaps? ( just giving you s... ;))
I find it interesting the range of emotional reaction a 'traveler' can have when trying to comprehend the new situation... It certainly allows for author creativity. I've written two stories and I had one 'traveler' return to the past 50 years and the second the 'traveler' moved, as in yours, into the future by 'only' 175 years. The different directions would tend to allow a difference of reactions and issues. For sure...
Personally, I like your 'soft' sci fi approach to the method of the event. That is my approach also, it just happens ... no weird machine build by a teenager in his basement ... or mad scientist with a Delorean.
It's your world/circumstance, you created it, press forward with the adventure and I will follow.
| cypress16 1/12/13 . chapter 3
First off the writing, grammar, etc. seem fine.
Your title pulled me in and then two short chapters of character development up to the cliffhanger left me not knowing which direction you were going and who you were sending on the ride.
Now, the event, the travelers and the fun begins...