You seemed to be the only person (other than 58 pakistanians for some reason) who cared to take interest in more than one thing that I wrote, so I figured I'd check some of your stuff out and return the favor.

That being said, with this being a new type of writing for you, it shows promise. I think the rhythm is a little odd to read through, but it's nice all the same. I'd keep working with it and aim for improvement, because it could turn out really nice.