The story was beautiful.
The narration was captivating. Portraying so well, the deep emotions of someone's pain.

I loved it.

very nicely done. i loved the way that you let the emotions flow through the protagonist out into abd affecting the story. this was very desriptive, and, well, quite depressing, altough that's the point, i'm sure. if it's not too much trouble, i'd appreciate if you went to my page and checked out a story of mine called "They're All Gone", and post suggestions on how to improve the style; it's similar to this. thanks. peace out.

Sometimes keeping the mystery in a piece is the best part about writing. I think this will get a great grade from your teacher, its very well written in my opinion. Let us know the outcome!

-Ellis

This is so sad! :( But brilliantly written. The emotion just leaps out at me, and draws me in. The plot seems slightly unrealistic, but is still haunting.
Thanks for writing!
Truth