Some quick notes:

Remember to match nouns with verbs, or just make sure they make sense, i.e. "murmurs" don't "jolt". The classic misuse is: "So and so hissed", but the statement written has no "S"s in in the words - Example: don't write something like "You moron," she hissed. The word moron can't be "hissed".

Spelling, spellling, spilling - turns you off and takes you out of the moment doesn't it.

Omit passive voice - Example: Change "was reclining" to "reclined"

The opening was better than average, and with a few adjustments to the draft, the reader is most likely in for a treat. Thanks for submitting, and good luck.

Guess who? :P
Still sounds as great as I read it the first time!
Again, you might wanna write a little summary of your story in the section above.
Be patient about reviews, it will take time ESPECIALLY on this site.