|Reviews for Penumbra|
| PonyTricks 4/1/13 . chapter 5
Things are looking up for Alexander. He has a place to live, and now a job. All that's left is for his memory to return. But... I am concerned for Graciela. Her father might just show up unexpectedly, or her fiance. Then what will she do?
| Roka Polaris 2/20/13 . chapter 4
I really liked this chapter. And I find that here the the dialogues blend in much more nicely making it more natural and enjoyable to read.
I am getting really curious about Blaise. I wonder whether his story has anything to do with Alexander or how all of that will fit in later!
| Roka Polaris 2/20/13 . chapter 3
It took me a bit to get back on this (not because of lack of interest, but I had some other stuff going on and I wanted to take enough time for reading and reviewing this). Just read chapter 3 and now I am very curious to read the next one. You certainly know how to keep your readers interested :-)
A few little suggestions here: you could maybe try to make your dialogues a bit more concise. I noticed that often there are sentences in them that don't necessarily need to be said, they would certainly in real speech but in a novel they would slow down reading. And sometimes things are stated a few times when mentioning them once would be enough. I hope you know what I mean, if not then please tell me and I'll pick out a few examples for you.
Btw, I really get to like Valentin too, it would be nice to have his personality explored a little more as well. :-)
| PonyTricks 2/20/13 . chapter 4
Laurence was a pretty desperate guy, to propose to a lady when they don't even know each others' names! *face shock*
On the other hand, poor Laurence... both Graciela and Blaise think he's old when he's only in his thirties! I sure would like to be that 'old' again. LOL!
I do believe that fate is playing a hand in Graciela and Alexander always finding each other.
| PonyTricks 2/6/13 . chapter 3
Wow. They sure throw people in prison fast! She only stopped and had a few short words with Alexander before the crazy cop arrested her.
Have you ever been to Paris? Or are you writing the scenes from looking at photos? I know that when I wrote my novel I mostly used places that I've visited, and drew on those memories. For some locations, I had to do internet 'research' and use Google Earth street views. Europe is someplace I've never had the opportunity to visit, but maybe, one day, I will be able to travel there. (as soon as that darn lottery ticket hits!)
This is a good story. I hope you update fairly regularly. I'm rather oldish, and if I go for a long time between posts, I have to re-read the entire story to recall what happened. :)
| PonyTricks 2/6/13 . chapter 2
Oopsie. I made a mistake. Oliver is the BAD dude. Alexander is the guy that Graciela is going to fall in love with. I suppose they are speaking French, since they are in Paris, and Alexander would probably be French also, or they would notice if he was speaking with an accent. I'm also assuming (I know what assuming means... LOL) that both Graciela and Valentin's mother tongue is Spanish, so French would be a second language to them.
| PonyTricks 2/6/13 . chapter 1
Your beginning is interesting. I'm glad that there are NO ghosts/vampires/werewolf/goblins... which seems to be all the 'rage' again. That's not my 'cup of tea' so to speak.
When you were writing about Graciela being forced into marriage, I thought, "what? In Spain?" But then I scrolled back up and noticed when this story takes place. Something I should have paid attention to, right? :p
I'm taking that Oliver and Graciela are going to be an item, so I'm not too worried about his fate right now. I shall read on!
| Roka Polaris 1/24/13 . chapter 1
I enjoyed reading this story a lot. I could not put it down (was reading it in my lunchbreak at work and almost missed the time!) I think you have some very likeable characters there and an interesting plot so I'll be very interested to continue reading it.
There are a few little things that I have found
"which sounded on the desk with a clatter, she pushed herself away from the desk"
You use the word desk twice in this sentence, and I guess it would not be hard to do something about that.
"where her mother lived with his wife of seven years"
this confused me a bit at first, but I am sure you wanted to say 'brother' instead of 'mother' ;-)
And then there are a few things that I have been thinking about concerning the historical setting. You mention that Graciela is 24, or that she should have gotten married at 24, which is I guess a very late point for getting married at that time. As far as I know girl got married arround 17 or 18, some even at 16. So I don't think it too likely that a father would plan his daughter to get married at 24 in first place. Though I also know sometimes there were exceptions. So for example, her mother could have convinced him to postpone the wedding (as I get it her mother is more on Graciela's side), there could have been events of death in the family, then they would have certainly postponed it too. So I don't think it is absolutely impossible that she would get married at 24. And her family is not really nobility, as far as I understand, more like upper bourgoise, so they would not necessarily be bound to those very strict unwritten rules that nobility had at that time. I just thought there would have to be a reason for why she is supposed to get married as 'late' as 24. (But you could always make her a bit younger too) - That all said, I am not an expert either and I am absolutely not into the social system of Spain during that time, what I am saying is more based on what I know about it being like in other places in Europe. And you know, I am just suggesting and saying what I think, trying to give constructive criticism. And you don't have to do that of course. Just ideas :-)
And I really, really like your story, as I told you, and I cannot wait to see how it will continue (of course take as much time as you need ...)
I have read chapter 2 as well, and I am going to review it as soon as I can, I just have to go to work now.