Ira's brother reminds me of someone ... hmmm... anyway cant wait for the next update

In general, I'm really enjoying this story. Ira is an engaging main character and it's great to read some good fantasy/adventure! You've given just enough unique little details to really set this up as an exciting world and promising plot- exactly what is needed from this stage in the story :)

I also think there is a really good balance of description, action and dialogue in this.

Just a few suggestions:

flowing through her ebony hair [I don't like the use of the word ebony here. It's just my opinion, but I think overly-dramatic descriptors like this are used too much in fantasy.]

His mean all nodded and saluted [typo- mean or men?]

Though this place, even the elves shy away from. [Not sure about the wording here. It seems a bit awkward.]

This is a good beginning- there is a sense of being entirely immersed in the action, as if looking straight at it.

Just one suggestion- many of the sentences are of a similar short length. I think the prose would flow better if you varied the sentence length a bit.

Overall, you've caught my attention and I will be reading more.

Very good intro. I didn't find many mistakes. My only question is the word "colour" I know in some places that is a correct spelling, but where I'm from we spell it "color". I would suggest more details. Where is she at? Is it a battle? Describe her scenery; what does she smell, see, hear? I would also suggest changing the comma after "She eyed the sword," to either a semi-colon or a period.

Also I would like to tell you that I have a forum called Triple Moon. You can request reviews, develop characters, recommend stories that you have read, and find some really good stories to read.
The URL is forum/Triple-Moon/6929/

Sarah

Quoting Regan "It has begun"

I like it, some words I would change in my own opinion that would make more sense in my own brain - but my brain is currently in Hawaii - So it has no opinion :)

I do not notice any errors, at all :)
looking forward to the next one

so it has begun... Dun dun duuun
Mr. TyrranicFish, this is a good opening short but good