|Reviews for Dragons Worse Than Nazis|
| Complex Variable 1/15/13 . chapter 3
[Il parle française comme... ] - - - Actually, it literally means "he speaks french like a german cow" XD
[Thought there were rebels lurking in every corner. Ready to kill them. God knows with what.] - - - I get that you're trying to be choppy in a cool way, but it feels messy here. The sentences gravitate toward one another far too strongly for them to be separated in this way.
[Can you hear me now?] - - - That's not a correct translation of "Est-que tu peux nous voir?" (which is wrong in it of itself. XD) It needs to be "Est-ce que tu peux nous voir", first off, and it means "Can you see us?" "Peux-tu me voir?" is the slightly less formal way of correctly writing it. "Est-ce que tu m'entends?" is a way of writing "Can you hear me?"; so is "Tu m'entends?" Either way, adding "maintenant" after "m'entends" makes it "Can you hear me now?"
Of course, since this chapter's title is about badly spoken French, I might've just wasted my time. XD
[On the ground I observed strange patterns,] - - - I would set the passage that this line starts off on a paragraph separate from the line "Well, empty glasses." Doing so would put more emphasis on the irony/sarcasm of "Well, empty glasses".
Also, that passage [On the ground I observed...] is quite lovely. :)
This chapter is clearer than the previous one. Once again, I think it's because there are more interjections by the narrator, helping to break apart and "sort" the dialogue.
| Complex Variable 1/15/13 . chapter 2
You don't need to say the identity of the cover image a second time in the notes at the end of this chapter.
The dialogue is less clear here than in the previous chapter. I think it's because a) the characters' voices aren't as distinct as in chapter 1, and b) because you have multiple lines of dialogue without any dialogue tags or interjections/thoughts from the narrator. I think that having the commentary from the narrator in between dialogue helps to reinforce the structure of the narrative—partly because the comments actually supply the missing dialogue tags at times! XD E.g. [She was so cute when she]; [I was silent]; [She looked at me reproachfully.]; etc. Your stories tend to fall apart when you just fallback onto short, uninterrupted exchanges of dialogue, like:
[Maybe." / "Something to get back to." / "Maybe." / "You are not so old." / "I'm so damn old. A thousand years old."]
It sounds more like you having an argument or song-writing session with yourself, rather than like characters having a conversation. XD
[She called every officer a 'capitaine'.] - - - "capitaine" should be in italics, since it's a word in a foreign language. Also, you do realize that "capitaine" is the FEMININE version of the French word for "captain"? XD
[They burned like dark coals, a phoenix within.] - - - This, and the "saint" remark at the beginning of the chapter PROVE that you have what it takes to write in a style other than your usual minimalisms. XD
I use "XD" WAAAAY too much. XD
See there I—
Oh, whatever. XD
| Complex Variable 1/15/13 . chapter 1
You really have a thing with my claim about Aurhìm's dragons, don't you. XD
Nice cover image of Fafnir!
[slept in about a week.] - - - "slept in weeks" is more pithy.
[told me I have to remember. When it's all right to laugh.] - - - just make this one sentence.
["I've got soul," I sang, "but I'm not a soldier. I've got soul, but I'm not soldier."] - - - You should put the words that he's singing in italics. I don't know why, it just feels right.
The interchange between Reinhard and the Major is quite amusing. I think I can see traces of you in the little rebel. XD
Also, why not "Reinhardt"? I think the "t" makes it look cooler. :3
Once again, I think you're getting better at keeping me from losing track of who's speaking. XD The distinctive voices you give Reinhard and the Major, coupled with the strictly-alternatign dialogue that dominates most of the chapter makes it easy to recognize who's who.
Also, good job with historical references, once again.
| Shr0ud 1/12/13 . chapter 1
I loved it! I love how she wears a cross even though she's Jewish. It was an awesome character quirk.
| True Talker 1/12/13 . chapter 1
I had read this and it did make me think. It just did.