This is reaaly good so far please update soon! ;)

HEY! this is pretty cool, i REEEEAALLLLYYY like it! . please update soon! :)

I'm really liking the summary; it looks like it has such great potential. I also love how you have the character's emotions coming out through the actions taking place, rather than an internal monologue - it makes much more sense for this type of story. my advice would be to read "Purple Hibiscus", as it is written in a style similar to thee one I'm suggesting.

But then again, I'm coming at this from a completely linguistic point of view so ignore me if you want to! Alternately, if you want any advice, drop me a line :)