|Reviews for The Cat Burglar|
| Highway Unicorn 1/17/13 . chapter 1
I'm looking for review buddies on this site, and if you're interested in the idea, then Pm me.
[...with the words Kitty Cat written in black jewels...] Put ' ' around Kitty Cat, so 'Kitty Cat'.
I think you have a lovley idea, what with the course and actions of a thieft and how it goes sour for her in the last minute; however, I feel that if more detail was put into it, especailly durning the scene where she is in the cell and court room would be a nice touch. Like, for instance, have her comment on the emotions shes feeling while the judge gives her sentence. Does she feel regret at that moment? Does she not care? Does she think the judge is idoitic? Etc.
["Yes, Miss," The man said weakly, scurrying in a feeble manner to unlock the door to Maria's vault. I strutted into the vault and closed the door with a resounding clang, muttering, "Too easy," under my breath.] Since there are two speakers in this paragraph, I suggest breaking it up into two seperate ones. Like, break "I strutted into the vault..." into a new paragraph.
["I wish to see my vault," I repeated in the kind of voice someone who is used to getting what he or she wants uses.] You can change it to " "I wish to see my vault," I repeated sharply. I was going to get what I wanted no matter what." because that would add more voice to the speaker. ;)
The major suggestion that I strongly urge you to change is the speakers last name. I think that if others were to read this, some may find offense in that last name, since it *is* a derogatory term, and since this has no connection to racism, I feel that this name is out of place in a piece like this.
But besides that, keep up the good work.