|Reviews for From the very beginning freed|
| Dreamers-Requiem 2/20/13 . chapter 1
As usual with your poems, you have some really strong imagery here. The effect is powerful in its own right, but like I said with the last one, be careful of using too many words. They can drown out the images, in a way. I think you could cut out some of the 'he' here, so maybe
[I saw a boy birthed from the darkness of his mother's womb
He saw only darkness
I saw the boy grasping a shard of light
Still walking in the dark]
Looking over it again, some of the repetition doesn't quite work there, especially with 'darkness'. It kind of disturbs the flow.
[without surrounding by pity] Doesn't make a lot of sense, maybe think of another way of wording it?
Similar thing with [A Sanctuary looking not so new, yet truly brand new]
Just some things to think about. Hope it helps, as always.
| Umekogal 2/2/13 . chapter 1
The words really invoke a sense of the spiritual here.