I love this last part especially - I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU MANAGE TO CAPTURE WHAT WOULD TAKE ME ABOUT A THOUSAND WORDS IN JUST A FEW LINES UGH. :'(

That was very descriptive and powerful. I think you'd do will writing song lyrics. unless that's not your thing, but your are good with creating images.

I love your word choice! I also love that the mood is dead on with the pictures you paint! I might add a few periods, but a lot of authors do that too.