I volunteer! It sounds like it'll be an awesome story and I'd love to help :D

...

I have to admit that I laughed myself through the story - mainly because my brother's name is Kai and is almost exactly the same personality-wise to Kai in the story.
My only issue with this was the thousand and one POVs... got a bit tiring trying to keep track. Other than that, utterly brilliant.

Kristi

Very interesting and original beginning. This Priestess is a hilarious character - all the thoughts she has about the bats and her age complex made me laugh out loud. "Not only do I have to find a replacement, but die AND train them too!?" - Best sentence ever. Absolutely hilarious.

That said, you have a lot spelling and grammar mistakes. I think you should really try to fix them - it's a shame to see such an awesome story lose some of its charm because of the spelling and grammar. Here, I'll help:

"My life rest" should be "rests"

"But we fell as though" should be "feel"

"I yell old at them so they get the give point. me the you-are-not-21 look." You got a bit mixed up there. Should be "I yell old at them so they get the point. They give me the you-are-not-21 look".

"They will pay one day, I swear I will!" Don't you mean "I swear they will"?

Other than that, you need to work on the tenses. Are you telling the story in present tense or past tense? Sometimes you use present (e.g: "I yell at them") and sometimes you use past (e.g: "They said") which is very confusing for the reader.

I think that your idea and premise is wonderful and really funny, and you could make something awesome out of it, but it will be even more awesome if you fix the grammar. All the best and keep writing :)

Redz

Deal, I will read rebels and bandits if you keep making these haha

i'm gonna send you the angriest pm's about not even the story ,like one that just says
"MY BREAKFAST SUCKED ASS TODAY!" ..but seriously... write some more chapters ,yo.!

i lurv it xD
onto the last chapter! not sure if i should be happy or sad haha!

i dunno, i like Kai ,better he has a cooler vibe to him _

i would say keep writing but i already know theres more chapters from here so.. keep writing from Those ones! :D haha

he has a phd in pimp-ness xD
WHATTA BADASS ,DR FRANCO IS!

ermehgerd! it makes me giggle xD

tala reminds me of myself lol
i already love this story xD

It's okay, take your time:)

love it

Why not you doo doo head! XD