This was hysterical. Very well done. You had me guessing the whole time. Fantastic payoff. One small nit and one bigger one.

Small: early on the line "wouldn't be eating dinner alone" has an exclamation point. The narrator doesn't seem like the kind of guy who gets outwardly excited about anything.

Bigger: The ending seems a little off. After learning what the scenario really is, asking her out for a date doesn't feel right.