|Reviews for The Lunatic of Westerly City|
| hidden-behind-the-stars 2/8/13 . chapter 3
Okay, being as this chapter is in Hodge's POV, I remain with my statement that you should try to keep to one view per chapter; ie, Change the last chapter but keep this in Hodger's POV. It would flow a bit more smoothly. Still, very good and entertaining! I absolutely adore this! I hope you continue.
There really is no negatives for this bit... I rather like this section a lot...
Is Thomas or Hodger supposed to be the main character?
| hidden-behind-the-stars 2/8/13 . chapter 2
I've never had a story quite like this! The idea seems really original (which I bet it is). Also, I absolutely love medieval type stories. That and futuristic ones (Skin :D). I love it! The writing seems extremely professional and I'm really curious for the next chapter.
Though it does seem very professional, most stories don't change for just a little bit. I know I shouldn't compare things to more popular stuff (not fair), but I think that you shouldn't exactly change views, just incorporate some other people into the story but focus on Thomas. It's third person limited (about the only thing I can ever remember from English class) but I think that you could stretch the limits a little to add some omnipotence without revealing thoughts (if that makes sense)
| hidden-behind-the-stars 2/8/13 . chapter 1
Is the first chapter just "Taken Down" or did I miss something?
| ArmachiA 2/8/13 . chapter 3
•You’re beginning paragraph really drew me in, it was so great!
•The beginning overall was really fast. Suddenly he was pretending to be someone, getting loot, and going to spend it in, like, half a page. It’s very fast. Actually, the whole thing was very fast paced. I didn’t get enough time to get to know Hodgers in the first chapter. What did he do at the bar? Did him and Gracie have a conversation? It reads like a summary more than anything. I’d like to see it slow down.
•I didn’t see any grammatical errors or weird sentence structures. So I don’t have much to say on that :P
•Overall the premise of the story is good, but it’s so fast I can’t get a read on the characters.
•You’re writing style is good, very whimsical, and you definitely have talent, keep it up! :)
| Sombrette 1/29/13 . chapter 1
Hey, from Labyrinth :)
I really liked this, especially as a first chapter. It even got me laughing a little when Hodger said he pretended to be a turkey ;) One of the main things I liked was the narration, you do a good job of pushing us through the plot without staying anywhere too long, if that makes sense. I also like the world so far, which I find a little surprising since there was next to no description or imagery about it or Hodger's surroundings, yet still I felt I could picture it. But on that note, I would probably add a few details here and there about the scenery just to plump it up some. The dialogue is good, with interesting diction. And as for Hodger, from the little we know of his this chapter I find him likeable even though he's a thief, and apparently an idiot lol ;p
A little critique [ (thought all three did sometimes play a part) ] - should be 'though'
And for the dialogue format
["Eh' der Hodger. G'day, yeh mate?" He said. "Nice catch 'ere. Lookin' pretty loaded!"] - The 'He' in 'He said' should be lowercase since it's all part of the same sentence. If he performed and action like 'He glanced at him' then it could stay capitalized.
["Good day, Jarl." Hodger said.] Here it's the same, but obviously since Hodger's name follows it stays capitalized. The period though after Jarl should be a comma since, again, same sentence.
| Luna's Child 1/28/13 . chapter 1
I found your story very intriguing. The way you showed Hodger's actions make him seem more like an intellect rather than an idiot as you mentioned. Also, it sure would suck to think you were on a tour guide, then all of a sudden you're getting mugged.
| Jalux 1/28/13 . chapter 1
I really enjoyed this, in particular the way you write is very amusing. Things like 'Hodger Barns was an idiot.' or birdbrain had me smiling inside. You've given us a great deal of insight into Hodger with so little words. I like the dialogue as well, it feels fluid and believable.
No grammatical errors as far as I can tell.
| Infected Beliefs 1/26/13 . chapter 2
Your story is admirably amusing. I love the slightly comical way you write, and how absolutely blatant you are about Hodger's lack of wit. Thomas seems like an interesting and engaging character and I am interested to see how his story plays out. The throwaway line about his daughter peaked my interest as well.
Your writing is flawless, or at the very least, no convention errors leaped out to bite me in the nose. I enjoyed your flow and pacing and you seem to have a firm grasp on your world, though it does mix a bit too much modernism in with the fantasy elements for me to completely take it seriously.
None the less, it was entertaining and I enjoyed spending the last fifteen minutes of my time perusing it. Props.
Best of Luck