Is Paid in Full the title of this piece? I like that. It leaves a very ambiguous feeling in my stomach. First line, is the -ly word really needed? I think sometimes -ly words can bog down a poem. Beautiful sounds line "At a faltered soul with a broken heart". Great use of the four line stanzas. The poem looks perfect and easy to read. Try some line enjambment to have more flow in the piece. Nice use of rhyming words. Rhyming poems are the hardest to write. Another great line "As ugly and repugnant as corpses". The poem gets heavier material wise as I read, nice choice you made. And, a great ending.

This has a really dark theme to it, but the prose is fantastic! The way you wrote everything is just...

*F*L*A*W*L*E*S*S*!*

Ophelia Schmit's sign of approval. What a dork I am.

-Hermie

That was incredible! At first, it seems like any other love poem, but then you add that last line, and chills shoot down my spine. Breaking up the poem like you did just increased the intensity, and the last section was wonderful. I think this is my favorite poem out of this collection.

Aww, that was lovely _ I like the idea of throwing away all burdens and just being free. This is my favorite line:

"With eager anticipation, he tugged away his front of concealment,

tossing it upward towards the blinking stars.."

It's just so dreamy, and yeah :) Makes me want to hitchhike on a shooting star, you know?

What powerful words and images! If a poem can be seductive, this one is the master! I like it :) It's a little different from what you normally write. Good job!

Hehe I knew who this poem was about as soon as I read 'green-eyed beauty'. Then I read the first part again, and I was ashamed that it took me that long. Once again, I'm struck by how much I want to read their love story again. Love the poem!

What a sad poem... I think everyone can relate to this in one way or another. Of course, that doesn't make it any easier.

Your imagery in this poem is very admirable. Raw, vibrant, descriptive. There is no sugar-coating, but only the unfortunate truth. I really like that in writing. While spoken words have a tendency to gloss over ugly pictures, you can count on poetry to tell it how it is.

Very good work with this one. Keep writing!