|Reviews for The Dry Cactus|
| Scottish Princess 2/17/13 . chapter 1
OKay so first off, stop short-changing yourself. This is not an "excuse for a story", this is actually a rather engaging, interesting story and I liked it. :) Secondly, I would recommend having someone read over your future chapters before you post them, just to double check for spelling/grammar errors and things like that - I didn't find too many, but it's always good to get a fresh set of eyes to read over your work. Thirdly, you don't need to have parentheses or any sort of explanation, like when you mentioned their horses within the story itself - further chapters should explain everything without you having to make notes within the text. Fourthly, be more descriptive with your characters - show, don't tell. If a character has a troubled look on his face, use more description such as "his brows furrowed in a thoughtful frown" rather than just saying "he had a trouble look". Ask yourself "what is a troubled look? and how can I describe that to someone who may not have ever seen one?" And lastly, I think you have a fantastic beginning to a story here. I think you have a few really strong characters who already are showing three dimensional qualities of real emotions and physical connections to the plot and the other characters and I think you have some idea of where you're going with this. I say continue!
Hopefully I haven't pissed you off. I'm really trying to help you out to become a better writer and I hope that I succeeded at least just a little bit. :)
Have a good day. I hope to read more from you soon.
| Emberess Chilson 2/14/13 . chapter 1
Please continue! This is a very interesting concept! :)