|Reviews for Elanril|
| belokevin11 3/13/13 . chapter 4
Nice story bro! I like the way you change POV's after every chapter, it gives scope and depth to the world as a whole and not to get too attached to the characters.
One suggestion though, you never had the POV of a high lord or a common artisan. I know that sounds too mainstream but I'm a sucker for classics.
| Cinnamon Shards 2/27/13 . chapter 3
I'll admit, I started skimming at the start of this chapter. Your exposition is still well done and appropriate to the story, but I was getting desperate for some dialogue before I reached the end of it. The thing is, I LOVED the dialogue that I got at the end. Can I get seconds please? Or anything to break up the big wall of explanatory text at the beginning? I was super pumped and excited at the end of the last chapter, so I guess maybe I was disappointed that it was all over so fast.
Runarian seems like an interesting character, and the glimpse I saw of his relationship with Aeduuard makes me really want to see more interaction between the two of them. I can tell that you've really thought out this world, and your attention to detail is quite fantastic. Consider yourself watched -I need to see how this story ends.
| Cinnamon Shards 2/27/13 . chapter 2
Once again, very impressed. ;)
I like that the descriptions are coming from Kyuketh's perspective, even in third person. Hearing things described from her point of view is much more interesting than flat exposition. Learning about her just by watching her react to things is sooo satisfying. I feel like I'm following her around, getting to know her the same way I get to know real people. Very organic. Very nice.
I think there must be a better way to teach your readers how to pronounce the characters' names if you really wanna make sure they say it right. I find that putting the phonetics in brackets makes the story feel a little too much like a textbook...actually to be honest, I find all the brackets rather distracting. Commas maybe? Dashes? Not feeling the brackets.
I feel like Otteika's legs broke a little to easily during the skirmish -femurs are pretty tough stuff you know- so maybe consider reworking that a little.
Still have another chapter to read, so I'm gonna leave it there and see what happens next. :)
| Cinnamon Shards 2/27/13 . chapter 1
Honey, where are all your reviews? I'm loving this story! :D
It was the opening description that drew me in right away -not flowery or excessive, but absolutely perfect for the mood you were trying to set. Writing exposition that people actually want to read is no easy task, so I just need you to understand what a treat it was to see it done well.
A couple lines, like "...the town priest, known as the Curan..." and "...tears of relief, rather than pain (well perhaps a bit of both)..." struck me as a little bit awkward. They didn't really mesh with the mood of the story.
I'm really excited to see what's up with this scary jaguar baby, so I'm gonna go read the next chapter now. You'll hear from me again soon!