Maybe you should reduce the amount of dialogue, it's overwhelmingly long.

OH MY GOD I SAY COOL BEANS TOO.

Lol this is great! You crack me up. Well, actually I smirked. I smirk when I read something funny. Don't ask me why. But anyway, I was smirking through pretty much that whole chapter(: *smirks*

Good job! I'ma keep areadin' now...