|Reviews for Two Roads|
| A Fire Rose 4/14/13 . chapter 1
Hey, there! Second sentence should be divided by more than a comma. You had a couple visual details, but I have trouble picturing the place. Empty, sure, but what is the room like? Also, this feels a little Hunger Games or Revolution-esque. Is that intentional? I'm unclear on who "the boys" are, and what smell when she hugs Chase? Now this is starting to feel like the 1918 flu epidemic. Got lost in the conversation about Bobby, and I'm not sure who any of the names were you mentioned. This story starts out without explaining much, and ends up without revealing much. Is there more about this in the other stories? Love how realistic the characters are!
| The lone canine 4/12/13 . chapter 1
I think this piece overall is well written. I like the way you describe things, using phrases like "like flies on a corpse." That is really vivid imagery, and I like that. Good character interaction, and overall a good piece. Nicely done.
| JYates 3/29/13 . chapter 1
I really like the plot! I think it has a 28 days later sort of feel to it. I'm a bit confused as to what happened with the infected and how the country was destroyed if they seem to be like normal people. However I really like your focus on the relationships between the people living in the village. I think focusing on Chase and Kitty's helps the reader understand why it was so hard for her to leave, but I don't think you made the pang of home strong enough to make her want to go back. Still good either way though!
"She turned her head, burying it in Chase's chest. Closing her eyes, she filled her senses with him, letting the smell envelop her and listening as he told her what they had caught."
Right here I feel as though describing the smells of Chase might help the reader better understand the unique smell of Chase and that it might characterize him a little better.
| Samber 3/7/13 . chapter 1
What I love so much about this is that you don't spell everything out. You don't start off by saying: "It had been three years since her parents had been killed by the Infected. Feel sad here." You take the time to start it off in a slow but still interesting show and not tell. I also really like how it isn't overly dramatic. She's very troubled, but you don't have major scenes of just her, screaming into a pillow and sobbing. For the first part, all it is is her, sitting at a table with the radio on, and it's still very emotional. I would have loved to see the same story from the point of view of a person who fell for the Amaris trap for the infected. The dynamic between her two greatest wants - to go home and to stay with Chase - is just great. It makes the characters seem a lot more realistic; not everything is black and white. I like it, especially the set up. I think I would have liked to see it from Chase's point of view better, but you won me with that opening scene.