A little sad, but full of emotion none the less, i like it. It also seems like a piece of work that most people can relate to, good job :)

Nice, try cutting out the prepositions and rearranging a few versus. a little editing wouldn't hurt either.
A fine start though.

Wow that's really sad, like that last one. but they're deep, and that makes other people understand it completly. It was really good in the way you intended people to read it. I know it worked on me.

Very deep and beautiful. Keep it up!