Wow. A very powerful piece of writing. *Maybe slightly enhanced by the spooky music I'm listening to, but oh well.* One thing: "certain condemned cabin, on James Street"; the comma is not necessary and would do better to disappear. And perhaps concentrate on only one child? Or even it out a bit, because it's a bit uneven when you mention Sally twice and Marvin only one. But otherwise beautiful. :D -Ally B.

That's creepy! o.O

The length makes this hard to review. Good idea, well written, but not scary or philosohical. It is what it is, but I'm not fussed. Maybe add another paragragh with a bit more of everything, esp. description. Engage us more before you drop the mandatory bombshell.

you NEED to make this longer! i need more detail:D

twas cool

Well, I guess a "flash" is better than nothing. Kind of interesting, seems like a small bit of an urban legend. Hope you have more (and longer) work coming soon.

A very short and very creepy story. Gruesome. You should write more like this!