hi again,
so... I had read chapter five, but I don't remember if I had posted a review...
So I was was all set to have a nice time reading chapters 6 and 7... Big disappointment, lady !! Get on with it, will you ?
My golden rule : write 500 words a day. That's a chapter or a story a week.
;)
Marc

the story has again taken a surprising turn... and that Warel giant is not as nice as he seems, right?
I'm trying to find something to compare this with... Discworld, surely... some of Tolkien's short stories, maybe?
~browsing mentally through thousands of books I've read~
no... can't find anything like it...

this is fine work again... it breaks off with a nice cliffhanger...
I wonder if there is a moral to the story... what could it be ?
I also wonder if the woman/man relation between Tione and Aleric is politically correct... ~amused frown~

admirable, Rheanna.
It was naturally obvious from halfway chapter one that these two would team up, but Grandma showing up here was a surprise.

Cheers,

Marc

hi, Reanna...

Beautiful, this reads like Discworld from Pratchett..
I hope the other chapters are quite like this...

Marc Gyver

(I hope you remember me, from long ago, from brussels, on yahoo, as Pharazon ? )

Reanna! I'm really enjoying this story and I'm hoping you get off you're butt soon and bring out more chapters of this story. The story seems to be drowning in good ideas and concepts and the world of Jigsaw seems to be a well developed (if completly bizarre) example of world building. The charecters are good and hopefully the next few chapters will flesh out the cast even more and we get to see the deeper sides of their personalities.

Keep up the good work and I'll keep reading it! ;-)

There's a good opportunity here for a love triangle if you wanted to put one in, with Geddon and Tione. There are some cases where the foreshadowing is too obvious and makes the story too predictable. I wasn't surprised when it turned out Geddon and Shynne are the new part of the group, which I think was what you were going for. I was, however, surprised that the Manipulate spell brought them there. Explain how dragons help magicians. There are also drawn out scenes where you just repeat what's pretty obvious, like the fact that everybody has medals, but it's not exciting until we know what the medals mean. There's no need to repeat stuff. Doesn't Geddon want to know about the Giant's treasure? Isn't that what he came here for? Did he forget? Wouldn't the giant want to study them more, if he's so interested in humans. I doubt he thinks he's learned everything he can.

Do you think you know who this is?

Describe the tone or people's voices more, so that brings more action to the characters. Wasn't Jirae living at the house before? For future reference, make sure the names are easier to pronounce, I keep stumbling on Thorn Tivra for some reason. Why does Aleric keep messing up the language? Is it just for comic relief or does he have some condition. Tione accepts destiny pretty easily. Why don't Tione and Aleric get supplies while they're at Jirae's (they're gonna starve :) ). Aleric is losing his roguish charm. That could give the story the boost to greatness. I like this chapter cause it gives some good foreshadowing and plot development.

This has some great comic jokes, very sharp wit. Seven thousand is a lot of wonders to see. Tione should be more violent, that'll lead into more comedy. Develop the demon race more, they're apparently the primary antagonist and their role in life should be defined. Aleric should explain what they're going to encounter in all the journey because that provides an overview and an excellent chance to screw with what the readers expect. Aleric needs more motivation to climb the stalk and Tione needs to put up more of a fight since she's so goal-focused. I hope the grynimals are a plot device in the future of the story. Never put anything in that isn't necessary to plot or character development. Otherwise the scene is just ridiculous (although 'merry grythmyth' is probably one of the funniest jokes I've seen in a fanfic ever). Finally, isn't Tione going to wrap up her affairs before she goes out? Doesn't she realize the severity of questing/running away? I'm still not sure how she got from visiting Elin to being in the forest. (And as a personal desire, I'd like to see cool weapons and magic action scenes)

I'd like to see more character development. Describe how characters look. I'd like to see more of Aleric, he seems like the most interesting character, but he seems like he loses his roguish charm later. Like to see more of Aleric getting into trouble - like stealing food, charming ladies, getting provisions for packing. Explore his character more. Have Tione be more inquisitive. She should ask more questions about everything if she's been a city girl all her life. You can use it to provide a context to places that the reader doesn't know. Like Sela, I don't know what Sela is, so have Tione ask Aleric. And give supporting characters like Jirae and Moz more time to develop. Why does Tione care so much about finding roots of the family, besides curiosity? Maybe have a plot device like a prophecy or finding something in a drawer she can't explain. Grandma Elin should give intriguing clues to intrigue the reader. Did she go on a quest? Give supporting characters more time. Finally, make sure the quotes are appropriate for the content fo the chapter and put dividers between scene changes.

Oh, and I forgot to add ... whatever happened to Moz?

This story is one of the best I have ever read. The characters are so realistic and their personalities are so developed! They're not perfect ^_^ And you have such an effective way of blending traditional fairy tales into "Jigsaw." I can't wait to read more.

Still looking good, Reanna! I can't believe how much you've changed the story since the last draft, but I definitely like this version better. And, um, did you mean to put that little thing in the middle with Geddon and Shanie? You didn't explain it at all, so I thought maybe it was a mistake. I'm sure though, since this is you we're talking about, you'll have it all wrapped up in a tidy ball by the next chapter or two. Keep it up, can't wait for part 4!

Wow, that was *completely* different from the original chapter two. I definitely like where this is going, though. Way to go, Doofeteer! ^_^

Great chapter! I like the Jellybean stalk :). the characters are really good, believable, and this story has it's own unique feel, which is hard to acheieve with so many stories with similar themes. I really like it! This is going on my favorites list!