wow...this keeps getting better and better...your writting is much better and flowy :)

very good...i liked it but it doesnt really Flow...I'm only trying to help...a little too much info for one chapter. a prologue would be very good for all that info or a foreword or something of the sort. reading other stories helps a ton. check out Storm Riders...it may give you the idea i'm trying to get across. again...to make you feel better, the the story itself is very good

Wonderfully written. You must continue soon.

If anybody is just scannin' reviews READ THIS NOW! OR ELSE! or else... ummm... If you don't read this.. Then.. I shalt smite thee with unbearable body odor! YEAH! That's it! I'll do just that.. o.Ô;;;; I love this story. Hope you do well with this. Good luck.
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[-Sabin-at the opera] "Uh? Why is everyone singing?" Final Fantasy VI

Things are looking rather dreary for Silver Arrow and Night Hawk...
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[-Shadow-] "The reaper is just a step behind me" Final Fantasy VI

This story is so kewl!
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[-Shadow-] "Leave us. The dog eats strangers" Final Fantasy VI

Hehe if it was me I just wouldn't eat. Death really isnt so bad if the alternative is to suffer forever... No, I'm not suicidal, I just would rather die than be a slave. Good story.

This one's pretty good. However, Elf writer to elf writer, I'd like to offer some C&C about the story in itself, as well as a small comment. In your summery you said "There's more, but I'll leave it as Chapter 1 for now unless I get a lot of (good) reviews." I do not recommend making resolutions or comments like that. In fact, occasionally it will aggervate the possible reader. Post your stuff, go, do it. Don't wait for reviews, or some of the great stuff might never even make it on the site. If I waited for reviews on my novel (Shirn's Journey) then the second two chapters WOULD NOT be up. Ahem. And now a little C&C for the story. NOTE: THIS IS NOT A FLAME. I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A FLAME. The first chapter had a good story, but the flow could use work. What am I talking about? Now, consiter you're reading, oh, say, Lord of The Rings (using this simply because I read it OFTEN). Now, if you were the middle of a great action scene, such as the battle with the Orcs at the end of THE FELLOWSHIP, would you REALLY want to be interupted by a long explination about Gimli's history, expecially when it is not needed at this piticular point? Anyway, what I am trying to say, is that prehaps you should consiter making parts of Chapter 1 into a prolouge (Say, this part, "Pandora was a planet in a different galaxy than our Earth," to this part, "Only Dishis still believed in them; but since everyone looked down upon them, there wasn t much heard about them." Also conister the discription of Mirri. Now, consiter the signifigance of this in the middle of an action scene. See how it kind of distracts the reader? Anyway, I really love chapter two. It was eons better than the first one, although it too could use some work in flow. Keep writing, because I'll be looking for future chapters.

I liked it a lot. I was a very interesting and intriging story you wrote, and I sincerely hope you plan on continuing very soon. It all happened a trifle fast, though. Maybe you should explain why exactly the elves owed the Gerd money. That was a lot of death for a single chapter, and it was sad that her parents were slaughtered. I found, also, that it was rather convenient for Mirri to have an escape door in the room that a trap door led to. Otherwise, I loved the story. I hoped that that's enough encouragement to have you continue. Bye now!