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Reviews For: Still Waters - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Jave Harron 2004-03-19 ch 10, anon.	abuseHere's a site that might be able to help. However, it's in Japanese, so you will need someone to translate it. http://w.amnesty.or.jp/stopvaw/
dhiammara 2002-10-29 ch 11,	abuseHey! I know it's been a long time, but I came back to finish reading your story, and it's awesome. As always, your description is really vivid, and brings to life the action, especially the last battle between Ulaist and Garland. I'm looking forward to the next part, and I've read the first few chapters of your new work, sounds interesting. I'll drop by to review whenever you update. hint hint ~dhiammara
aannon 2002-07-30 ch 8, anon.	abusegood luck with elana (ach I can't spell) ;¬)
EnglishBovine176 2002-05-21 ch 4,	abuseYo, Cam. Nice job. You do need to prof it more. But otherwise, nice.
ShootThemLater 2002-04-18 ch 11,	abuseprologue: nice imagery, but very disjointed. make paragraphs rather than just individual sentences followed by line breaks! "young man" is redundant if you then tell us that he's 19. what is a cubit? footnotes nice touch but damage flow; otherwise the detail they add is great. some way to incorporate this into the text to keep the flow? chap1: very enjoyable indeed. having just read 'faust', i recognise in ulaist the broodiness and katana that seem fairly integral to ash. watch out for just re-using characters; i'm sure you can do better than that. anyway, in 'still waters' the world seems much better fleshed out than that of 'faust'. i like it! chap2: i don't quite grasp why one bomb reduces an entire city to an "every man for himself" attitude - why do a small army of paladins just decide to advance on a single woman, even if she is armed? it seems obvious there are no laws against armaments... it just seems like a bunch of convenient walking-corpses have been chucked in to demonstrate the combat skills of your protagonists. sorry, but it just seems a bit contrived to me. otherwise, good writing. heh, the farad's sound interesting... ;) chap3: um... why does ulaist threaten death upon his worst enemy (in the next chapter he says "when next we meet i will do terrible things", etc.) but just leave him lying wounded when he could just finish him off? if there's a reason beyond needing garland for the plot, explain it, because at present it just seems like a totally contrived plot device. again, this sounds like i'm not enjoying the reading, which is not the case. i like the story. but this is a pretty major flaw in my opinion. chap4: another interesting chapter, although the "i failed and my whole life is focused around my self-loathing and inability to accept that everyone up once in a while" thing is a bit of a cliche. ;) still, lets see what you do with it! chap5: i like the development of what appears to be a darker side to ulaist's nature. he has, in fact, the air of an about him. ;) chap6: nothing to add here, except, "woo! sea monsters!" i always did have an interest in the deep. chap7: good chapter, thoroughly enjoyable (though... um... what did kick off the bar fight? i might've just missed that). chap8: i like the language. ;D chap9: hehehe, look, my comparison between ulaist and ash makes an appearance in your notes! same words and all. hehe. (as you may have gathered i'm running out of constructive things to say ;P). chap10: the closing remarks from bridget/lucent are excellent. you're very sparse with descriptive writing. i know you're a big fan of frank herbert and i bet that's why, as he was the same - but he created environments through his characters, and he was damn good at it. at times, some of your scenes just seem like characters drifting in limbo, doing what they do. considering the fairly unusual background of your world, why not utilise that a little more - ships rocking in the waves, clouds, spray, rainfall, etceteras, providing some sort of living backdrop to the story? just an idea. anyway, i did enjoy this. i've made a lot of harsh criticisms, but despite all that i did enjoy reading 'still waters'. thanks again!
Hazel Bite 2002-04-08 ch 11,	abuseThat was simply incredible. I loved the whole thing and I can't wait for more. Thank you for mentioning me in your author's notes--I feel so special! ^_^
StarCrossedJunkie 2002-04-07 ch 11,	abuseHey! Nice story, loved the plot!! Well written, and I loved the details. The sensory description was so good! Not to mention, you focused on all characters, not just one, which is something I can't do!! Good job!
Hazel Bite 2002-04-05 ch 1,	abuseSo what I meant to say was: finally after a couple days, I've finished reading this wonderful story of yours, at least what is there. Which reminds me, where's the rest? I really appreciate it if you added more... Is that enough inspiration for you?
Hazel Bite 2002-04-04 ch 9,	abuseAaaaaaahhh...(
Auren Tras 2002-02-19 ch 8, anon.	abuseWell, I must say, while the plot and characters are pretty real and convincing, they could be a lot more so if you spent a little more telling about them. I realize you're probably trying to make Ulaist seem more mysterious, but Eddie seems like the kind of guy most of your readers are going to relate to more; therefor, you should probably do a little more development for him, even if it means revising earlier chapters. Your fight scenes need serious work, they don't exactly draw in the reader; try letting the heroes get hit now and then and actually feel pain.
Kate 2002-02-01 ch 1, anon.	abuseYou have a very intriguing style, Cam...possibly because of your colorful verbs. My only suggestion is to lengthen some parts with more sensual description. Excellent job :)!
Auren Tras 2002-01-20 ch 5, anon.	abuseWhen describing the scenes of intensity, such as the fight scenes and other suspensful areas, try to use more adjectives, and go into a little more detail. Try to make the reader feel more like they're there, instead of looking through a window. A little more explanation wouldn't be taken amiss, but I'm sure you'll get to that in time. Once again, I understand that you want "Quasov" to be mysterious at this point, but it wouldn't hurt to try to get the reader to understand the other, more open characters, such as Eddie and Lena. Other than that, good setup, and nice charachters with good potential for expansion, and pretty good clarity with events. Once again, see if you can make the reader empathize with the charachters a little more, but other than that, good story.
dhiammara 2002-01-15 ch 4,	abuseI know you've already heard my comments on this chapter, but it doesn't hurt to give you more does it? Anyway, this chapter has an excellent flow from the quasi-calm at the beginning, to the climax in the fight, to the separation at the end. Did I already say I LOVED the way you ended it? Well, if I didn't, I should have! Um . . . oh yeah, there is one line I wrote in at the top that didn't get deleted before you uploaded. If you ever upload these chapters again, just delete it. Okay, just send the next chapter soon! (I feel like I'm getting a sneak peak, it's cool!) luv, Dhiammara ;)
Auren Tras 2002-01-15 ch 2, anon.	abuseThis story is well-written, and as you said I can see the resemblance to Final Fantasy, if not directly, just with the way of technology and civilization. There are a few grammatical errors, but nothing too glaring, and that can be easily remedied. When you first introduce charachters, try to show a little more of their thoughts, and let the reader understand more of them than a basic outline you give. Put the reader inside the charachters' heads. Other than that, I would say you've got something good here, and keep working on it till you're through.
Neous 2002-01-12 ch 3,	abuseLike your story here . Really good actually . Couldn`t belive you haven`t gotten more reviews ! Anyway ; I hope that you keep writing this story `cause it`s SO good .

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