 LittleTiger 2003-05-28 . chapter 10 there are no words to explain how beautiful this was Joanie! *hugs you* You certainly have talent! keep it up! dun ever stop writing these! |
 Lowell Boston 2003-05-28 . chapter 1Well done. I'm not so sure if you need to repeat 'Childhood' at the beginning of each line. It becomes redundant and slows the pacing. I'd suggest building stanzas rather than having isolated lines. Also go for line breaks where a line reads one way across and anotehr way down. Perhaps:
Childhood is waking up early
to watch Saturday morning cartoons, imagining yourself in new adventures.
Playing with rollie-pollies
in Grandma’s plastic tubs
full of sand.
Childhood is building cardboard-box forts and sleeping under tents made of blankets and chairs. Reaching into a strawberry
shaped cookie jar.
Childhood is zooming
down the driveway with brother
and sister in the Red Flyer wagon.
Wishing for one more token.
Take the above only as a suggestion. Thanks for posting. I really like this piece.
Lowell |
 Kenny's Goddess 2002-03-21 . chapter 3 LOL! Cute! ^-^ |
 cool_trek1 2002-02-12 . chapter 3 Hey sis! Great Haikus! :) I will have to see your fish for myself!
:) keep up the good work! I can't wait to read your screenplays and stuff!
cool_trek1 |
 The Haiku Police 2002-01-26 . chapter 1What the heck is a betta? |