i like this, it's good, so far, some of it's a bit confusing, maybe if you mentioned who was narrating whenever the narrator changed, that would make it a bit less confusing

write more!! i love it.

Wow!!! This story is amazing!!! Keep writing PLEASE??? I wanna read more!!! Keep up the good work!!!

I love it! This story is nothing short of amazing. Wow wow wow. I love the description, the style, everything about it. Plot: Superb! Characters: Muy bien! Style: Wowsers. Tilt: AMAZING!

My final rating: Homina Homina. (Crikey! It's off the charts!)

Right. Well then. I've made enough of a fool of myself. The point is, I loved this story. You said you were interested in publishing it: It's worthy of that honor. I found a few mistakes, sorry, but nothing any editor wouldn't pick up. It's fine.

Or rather, perfect.

Wow. Keep writing, in general, but most of all, keep writing THIS.

As for me, I'm off to my favorites list.

~Andrew~