Nice. I have sad news for you though (and your fans as well). If you want to get a story published, I hear that it is very hard to do if the story was first published on the internet. The "first rights" of the story go to the web site and cannot be sold to the book publisher. Most publishers won't publish a book that they can't have the first rights on.

But now for a (hopefully) helpful commentary:

The main thing that bothered me was the viewpoint. The first few chapters are obviously third person limited from the Swordsman's viewpoint. Later it switches to more of the viewpoint of the others watching him. It's not really wrong to change viewpoint charaters, but it is somewhat confusing in this instance.

The worst case of this confusion was the first few sentances of the fifth chapter give the impression that the viewpoint charater will continue to be the Swordsman, but it switches to the other people. If you change those first few sentences, that should fix the problem for that chapter.

Also, in chapter six, you talk about the "ever-present bag". I think that was the first time you mentioned the bag, unless I missed something. If the bag is always there, perhaps it should be mentioned in his description.

Another thing is, if you want to get this published in a book, the chapters should probably be longer. You could combine the chapters you have now and that should fix that. If I were you, I would put the first five chapters into one chapter, then six and seven in a second chapter. That is where you changed viewpoints, so if you changed chapters, it might make it less confusing.

I'm sorry for being so long winded, but I hope that I have helped you. I just hope that someday I'll see The Swordsman in my local book store!

Keep up the good work!

The enigma unmasked?

Ra'akone

The Swordsman is a blade collector? cool!

Ra'akone

A seasonal visitor...interesting...I wonder hwere his "home" is!

Ra'akone

Seems like the Swordsman is engaged in a duel against his worst enemy...an unseen enemy that mere metal can't touch...ok, just my impression!

Ra'akone

interesting!

Ra'akone

ok...I love all the description! Expect more reviews!

Ra'akone

nice first chapter. I like this...interesting character, this Swordsman!

Ra'akone

pretty cool! I like it.

pretty cool! I like it.

pretty cool! I like it.

Swordsman, I hate to break this to you, but you uploaded the same chapter for five and six. You might want to fix that, love.

Iris

A mistake, yes. I had it fixed in one copy (along with several other errors), but missed it here it seems. That's what happens when you splice two pieces together.

And yes, it will eventually be published, so nobody steal it!

I really liked it. The way you developed the reader's perception of the character amazed me. This really should be published. I guess possibly because I can relate. Heh, I did spot though that you revealed your name in chapter three and then went back to 'swordsman' in chapters 4 and 5, and then revealed your name again in the last chapter. Was the chapter 3 revelation an accident? Anyway...thats really the only mistake I spotted. Which is very good (seeing how i'm very nitpickey). Anyway, you have talent. Keep up the good work.

Interesting story, I'm surprised more people haven't reviewed it. I like it so far. This swordsman I can understand him and nice touch having him prefer the darkness. Also the seasons are good too. Nice story. ;)