 AC1 2002-03-15 . chapter 1hey, pretty good. i like the images you call forth. one critique: using the word 'rise' twice in the 2nd and 3rd lines is a little repetitive for this short a piece. perhaps just say ' the sun has to eventually come up' or something like that. i think you should leave the word 'rise' in the phoenix line though. otherwise, good stuff. keep writing! |