I love Ashton!! I was never rooting for Devon anyways. :)

awesome next ch plz

I Like the new guy :D

i wote for her ending up with Ashton! :D his cool :)
love your story ;D

GREAT story are you editing it?

I'm so glad there's a sequel because I always thought that Devon didn't really deserve her. He treated her pretty badly, especially after everything she did for him. I think she should have talked to Devon about everything Breigh was doing to her though. And honestly, I think Devon's an idiot for wanting Breigh back. But that's why I'm so glad there's a sequel and that Ashton's back! I already reviewed part II, but I just had to go back and review this as well. Either way, good job on the stories!

hey... i'm a little confused... it says that your story is already finished?? so is this the last chapter?? sorry i'm just really confused...

Another thing is the point of view this story is written in. Most of the time its in Sophie's pov (first person limited) but then suddenly it switches to third person omniscient and its sort of confusing because youd think if it were first person most of the time, when that narrator (or character who is narrating) isn't there then those events wouldn't have been chronicled.

So yeah thats it
back to reading

joey

Hey, Im still reading your story but I couldn't help but do review. First off, your writing is great, though sometimes inconsistent with the characters, I think your got it down pat for this kind of story.
However, there are many problems with your characters. To start, Sophie is absolutely contradictory. You write her up as a strong character, with opinions and a feisty nature (telling ashton to stop smoking before she knew him, telling the guy at the party she doesn't drink nor do weed) but she is absolutely pathetic when it comes to breigh. I would think that someone with that much courage to stand up for her own opinions would have at least some kind of defense against a flat character like Breigh. Which brings me to her problem, Breigh is like a concoction someone makes up so that their story can be steered in the direction one likes. She has no personality and is totally one dimensional. Is she really that evil that she lies to her boyfriend (that i assume she at least likes) and beats people up in ways wholly violence (choking? punching in the gut?). There are absolutely no good qualities about her and even if suddenly after this chapter you tell us that breigh has another side, I would still think her one dimensional because her 'other side' has never seen the light of day.
Although I have some problems with Ryan and Ashton, I'll talk about Devon instead because I think he is the most problematic out of all of them. Is devon serious? Is he honestly stupid, blind, mentally unstable, etc? Honestly, the way he is is absolutely unbelievable, I do not believe a girl like Sophie (at least the way you make her seem) would even ever love him. He is the worst boyfriend in the world! He's arrogant, he's manipulative, he's sexist and he has no respect for anyone other than himself! His blind love for Breigh is unbelievable because it is absolutely contradictory to this nice guy image youre trying to elicit for him, I do not believe that he has not one inkling for breigh's 'real side'.

Anyway, I suggest massive rewriting because I can see potential in your story! It's alluring, otherwise you wouldn't have gotten so many reviews, but there are also so many problems! One other problem that bugs me is the fact that Sophie doesnt seriously like Ryan or Ashton even though theyre actually showing a real amount of care for her, more than Devon seems possible of. Is Sophie really like superficial ? It seems like it, Devon is good looking and she is constantly talking about his looks but rarely his personlity. Another thing is Sophie starring at Ashton when he was changing, is she honestly that raging in hormones? I don't think Sophie is superficial because of the way you are trying to portray her, but you have to be careful that the things she does is consistent with the type of character youre trying to show us.

Anyway, that is it for now, I'm going to keep reading but if you have time, I do recommend revision.

Keep writing and improving!
Joey

when you introduced ashton its like oh my god, hes so hot! kinda reminds me of stine( he punks me not here in fp), hes must totally end up with sophie, not the delusional devon.. but then when marsha came into the scene its like they were made for each other, and shes the one ashton fell inlove to. so i accepted the sophie-devon thing even though shes too good for him. and now these... waah im seriously confused!dont hate me if i want them back together:)), because i kinda picture out ashton as her "bestfriend". well i dunno seems like a lot of your reader want them.. (whats wrong with me??)LOL
anyways, i really love this one.

haha i would still go with ashton...

i like ashton!
sexy and rugged!lol

aww . i just read yur story for the first time in two days . it is definitely a great story . it really touched me D; made me cry, LOL . but yeah, i'm looking forward to reading more of your stories / chapters ! :D keep it upp !

I really liked it. At first I thought she would be good with Devon but after you introduced Ryan and then Ashton I quit wanting her to be with Devon he really wasn't good enough for her. Ashton was always her soul mate to me he became her friend just because he liked her. Ryan became her friend because he wanted to help Devon so he was only good enough to be a good friend. She was never meant for Devon in my eyes. Her and Ashton's relationship had more depth.
Great story.

ok, i just read the whole thing...

the first thing i MUST say is that i have a really sad crush on Ashton (duh, you wouldnt unless they have rocks in their head)...

Second, about this "becoming a better writer" crap - there's nothing wrong with your writing...other ppl merely have a different writing style...(says she who deliberatly doesnt write anything bcos she's a chicken, thinking that it wont be good enough!)

third, i say go the whole hog. i for one am NOT happy with an epilogue, bring on the full novel do-hickey!

og and im sorry if i like freaked anybody out. im work, very bored, needing to expell some unused energy...im a very passionate person :P

xx