Seeing how I'm WAY behind, I'll continue reading tomorrow. ;_; Forgive me M-CHAN!

Y.T-Forgiveness is not an option! *Holds a tritan to my head*

Me-O.O OH SH--! *Runs* Nice story though! I love the plot, spirits, and humor!

-_- ...

Well, I'm sure that this story has its good points, but the one thing that really distracted me was the author's notes scattered throughout the narrative. Author's notes really aren't recommended to use throughout a story, unless if you put convenient labels such as numbers, and then you can have a glossary at the end of the story that explains what the numbers mean. Also, I found this story rather...lacking. The basic idea and plot idea seemed to have potential, but the story simply seemed...shallow. Superficial. Perhaps its because you only have dialogue for the whole entire text. Usually, if you have all dialogue throughout a narrative, it brings the whole story down. It would also help if you had a little bit more description so we can have more depth and sense in your world that you're trying to depict. The characters aren't fully developed. Usually, the beginning of the chapter is suppose to have convincing developments and lure the reader in. So far, I'm not convinced. Besides, the Japanese word is spelled Konnichiwa, not Konichaa. I'm sorry, this is one of my pet peeves, because I think that you should at least use a language properly before deciding to use it in a story. You had a couple of spelling and grammar errors that could be easily fixed, and I'm sure with revision that this story can be fine. I've also noticed that you're using symbols like ^^ and 00 throughout the narrative. This isn't really a recommended storytelling element, since it can be distracting for some people. Some things happened throughout this story without plausible explanation. The scene that you're trying to develop doesn't have enough substance to it. All in all, your fic isn't up to my expectations. I was intriguied by your summary, but that was all. Now, if you want me to help you with some these things, I can. I can probably tell you some tips on how to flesh out your stories and characters. That I can do. I'm sorry if I come across as being harsh, because I think that this story does have potential, though it was just missing certain elements that would've made it better. Try some writing exercises or write with more description. I'm sure those two things would help. Or, an even better idea would be to check out the authors that have really good writing styles. I'm going to recommend still2twisted, Profiterole, Kakyou Takashiro, and Shamara Ambrose. All of these are really talented authors, and you should take a look to improve your own writing. Good luck in the future.

chibichocobo

spirt is spelled 'spirit', just so you know. Your grammar and spelling pain me. T_T (Is top english student in class for poetry) Luv story line tho

Instead of Konichaa the japanese word for hello is Konichiwa. You might want to keep all of your author's notes until the end or write them in the beginning, they are sort of distracting. Also, use a spell check or have a beta reader go through your work and check mistakes. Sometimes spell checkers don't catch all mistake, but it's worth just clicking a button. Also, work on your grasp of punctuation and grammar. Your story is a little bit hard to read. Please don't feel offended that I'm trying to offer some constructive criticism.

>o<

Aw poor Mo-ess, they were mean to her. They must die. Lol. But this was really sad chapter.

I think i'm in love with the story it is one of the absolute best ever on fictionpress.net

Neko: Wow, this is really good! I need to take some time to read it all though, maybe on a weekend. Oh well, I thank you for reading my story! I hope you continue writing! You are really good! :D Toodles! ^.~
Tanaka: Hey! Don't I get to say anything? >(
Neko: No, now shut it and go get me a sandwich! XP
Tanaka: WHAT?! O.O >I WHY YOU-!
Neko: *takes out a remote and pushes a button*
Tanaka: *collar around his neck beeps* WHAT IS THAT? WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?! O.O;
Neko: Observe. *pushes the button again*
Tanaka: *gets Neko a sandwich* Here Mistress Neko, what else may I get you?
Neko: Oh Tanaka, you forgot the crusts!
Tanaka: Right away Miss- HEY! WHAT THE-*beep* Anything else with that?
Neko: Nope, that'll be all! ^-^
Toodles! ^.~
-NekoKaji

YAY! nice chappie! evil mirror...*looks around* good...*glomps Istem* ^_^

Mo-ess: *comes running up with a Sakura Feather and screams at her, then throws the feather and gets another one ready*

meep! *lets go of Istem and runs*

sofia: that was odd, even for her...

zuki and Jurai: *nod* hai, onnagurui (it means girl crazy, but i'm changing it to mean crazy girl. aren't i a nice person? MUST CONFUSE THE JAPANSES! BWAHAHAHA!_

sofia: *looks over at Molly* we'll just say bai bai for now, ne?

zuki: saionara!

jurai: oorubaaru! (au revoir; good bye ^_^)

just to be a little picky, "inuyasha" directly translates to "dog female demon" ^__^, if you wanna use a jap. term like that, (and be assured i'm just helping you) you should look it up. http://poets.notredame.ac.jp/cgi-bin/jedi thats a fairly good site to look stuff up. and http://linear.mv.com/cgi-bin/j-e/dict this one works well too. (but its kinda incomplete and the guy is really lazy) okay! enough nit-picking! NICE JOB! and it seemed long enough to me. *giggle* briefs boy...*more giggles*

sofia: you are so hopeless...

*spots Hope* i am not, Hope's right over there. ;P

sofia: -_-" i swear!

*giggles* okay, BAI BAI!

bwahahahaha! i can't wait to see what happens!

WHERE ARE THEY MOVING TO!? are they going to America? please say their at least goign to CHINA! T-T

maz

oh wow! that's like, the most beautiful chapter yet! and the shounen-ai was just kawaii!! *giggle* i know, i'm hopeless!

Sofia: and helpless...

...i suppose i can't disagree with that...damn, M-kun (a friend who shall remain nameless) was right, i DO need a man...T-T

sofia: *thinks* {if she gets a man...maybe i can get Xellie-kun...}

*thinks* {if i get a man, who's gonna take care of Xellie-kun and make sure Sofia doesn't try to take him agian? hmm...}

zuki: *is staring at both of them* zuki not ask. zuki just say bai. *cheefully* bai! ~.^

Wow what and avamazing set of chapters and and azamning way to round up recent events, Major heavyness has gone down, You could have almost endded it here and been done. But please dont. I hang on every word when i read your work.

*giggles* aww...i like the end of that chappie, and the begining was AWSOME!! but...*sniffles* i no like the men beating up Mo-ess... *kills the men again* AHAHAHA!

Sofia: i didn't know she could be as evil as Satan.

Zuki: Zuki did. ^_^

aww!! not as romantic as it could've been, but STILL cute! ^__^V GOOD JOB! ^__^

Zuki: Zuki says that Molly-Molly did a very nice job on this chapter and wishes to see more.

Sofia: *censor* O.o i forgot about that...

AHAHAHAHA! yesh, i got a yami censor thingy and attached it to Sofia. ~.^ i'm soo evil!