First off- very interesting idea!
The setting's quickly and efficiently told, but managed with emotion too.
Very strong words, so harsh feelings and pictures.
Sad, sorta dramatic irony-- "I saw you"

Seems very loyal and in love, but almost like a loyal puppy- desperately seeking approval and love, willing to do anything.

And then the last line, even though you can sorta see it coming, is a punch; and almost justice.