I like the idea and the story. Sort of Lackey-esque/McCaffreyish but original at the same time. The dialogue is a bit stiff but, then again, no one in the story has talked much yet. Also, the plot seems rushed. You go from serf girl straight into nobility with a unicorn. Try to add more detail between conversing with the lordly boy and finding the unicorn. Readers can't really feel any relief or joy for Cassandra when she ascends to nobility if we don't see her previous life. This is just some friendly advice. I like the story and I'll heck up on it's progress. Cheers!

I LUV THIS STORY! you have a good story going here, friend. i do think u might need just a few more details. for an example, u might wanna see my story, GRYPHON. do u think u rushed it with Cassandra and Icya meeting? just wondering. could Icya be from a Unicorn World of Ice, like Lady Rebecca's could be from a country of Fire? just a suggestion! Keep up the good work!

In the paragraph describing tapestries: whipped not wiped. Yay! Her dreams come true! You could add more description in the scene where they meet and when they are galloping. You should build up to Icya's being her best friend more, have the unicorn earn her trust more. What were the two if them thinking when they met? When Tyler escorts her to the table, it is a bit choppy. A couple senteces coul probably be combined. Try varying the length of your sentences and the type of words at the start of each sentence. Great story though! The description is really good elsewhere. I can't wait for the next chapter!

o i love it! keep going!! i want to know what happens next!~MagikMelody

So...what happens next? Update!

Not a bad concept you've got going here. If I could offer any advice, I would suggest more development before bringing the unicorn to Cassandra. Build up the story, introduce the tapestry early on, but I would recommend having some distance between the discovery of the tapestry, and the unicorn coming to her. It seems a little convenient. "Oh, I discovered the tapestry, now I find a unicorn outside!" Give some distance between them, and it'll make more sense when Tyler doesn't know her.

Take time, develop and introduce your characters, and you'll have a much rounder story. :) Well done!

Interesting idea for a story. I must say that the whole 'unicorn' thing was what dragged me into the story. I think it's a very unique and interesting idea but I must agree with Rio... it moves WAY too fast. Try putting in extra things or prolonging it with other ideas or just make it so she doesn't meet the unicorn so quickly. Gah.. I dunno what I'm saying but I like the style and idea, it's just really quick..

Can't wait to read another chapter though. ^.^

Let's say that that was a perfect fairytale. Just a few tiny minute spelling and grammar errors and I would say that you could try and make it longer and try and publish for real. It's great!-pax

Hey, I love unicorns, so I decided to check out your story. I can't say I was entirely impressed. You rushed into the story too fast, and made things very obvious. One example would be when Cassandra went into the forest and immediately met the unicorn. And why would a unicorn go willingly back to a castle? Unicorns usually keep themselves in hiding. I also think you should give more information about the characters- like tell the reader how old Cassandra is, and little things like that. I don't want to invade in on your story, but this is just my opinion. Maybe I have a little too much time on my hands?

oh what happens next!? Do Cassandra and Tyler fall in love? What significance does Icya play? Please update soon!

hey, i like this one (again:)) girl power, yeah! you know i usually hate unicorn stories cause they're kinda corny, but your's isn't like that.
one tip though, if this story is going to be long, then you better put a few more scenes before Cassandra meets the unicorn, if short then keep going.

This is a good story, you should continue it. You have an original idea and great sentence structure (This is important.) Also, I love unicorns and that’s how I found your story. Furthermore, no one else will review your story until you update, because they don’t know it’s there.