 ToaD 2009-05-06 . chapter 1 I am not sure if anyone still reads this page, but here goes nothing:
I just read the first chapter, and I must say that I was immensely pleased. There are, of course, typos and grammatical errors (as are to be expected when writing, which is why there are editors).
One suggestion, I noticed a couple times when thoughts or phrases were used repeatedly within somewhat quick succession of each other. For example, "She met his gazed evenly," followed somewhat quickly by, "and held his hate-filled gaze evenly." This is always something to look out for as a writer, as the first instance phrase is still fresh in your mind and it makes the second lose some weight.
Other than that, beautifully done. Your imagery is great. You can tell that you truly love your characters. Possibly that this may be a metaphor for your own life, or that you truly submerge yourself into your work. I have yet to read the second chapter, but, for some reason, I do believe that I won't be disappointed. |
 letylyf 2003-04-10 . chapter 1this was a pretty darn good story, the plot was touching and your writing style kept me interested up until the end. the level of detail you put in was excellent, it gave the story a far more intriguing aspect than if you had simply stated the story. this touched me- a very simple but timeless story. is it over, tho? I'd like to see things work out in the end *sighs wistfully* ok, so I'm a sap. lol |
 Xy Hapu 2003-02-05 . chapter 1Very nice, I liked this a lot! I especially liked the next-to-last line, "I'm sorry I lied to you.....and I'm sorry that you loved a dragon." Her voice breaks slightly. "...This dragon will always love you." That was simply awesome. Is this the end of the story or is there more? Sounds like there may be with Ohanzee and that war he was talking about. You have a really to-the-point writing style (not at all a bad thing), most authors would've taken at least ten chapters to put all the stuff in that you did. Great job, I hope this is continued sometime. |