i remember the way my eyes would always be drawn back to that corner of the room where you sit, and how i would hope and hope and hope that you would look up from whatever you were doing and see me and smile or even wave and beckon for me to come over but it was all a dream since you never even realized i existed. i would admire the way your pretty mouth would form conversation as you and your friends would talk and i would count the number of times you laugh so faithfully that it was like i was counting stars as a child all over again and in a way it was exactly the same. i cannot begin to number the times i cried at night wishing that you would notice me and how many wishes i wasted on birthday cakes and shooting stars and horseshoes for you to love me the way i was loving you so faithfully so truthfully so completely that i thought i would and could not love somebody else. i fell head over heels for you that summer as i watched you run off into the distance with somebody else and the sun set that night on me and my tears like so many sparkling diamonds and the wind smelled like dandelions and fresh cut grass and i began to cry even harder since i remembered that that was exactly how you smelled like. i lost you that very same summer to someone who was probably more beautiful and accomplished than i ever was and i ever could be and i knew that in your eyes that person was the most perfect person in the world and i also knew that in your eyes i was nothing and that was enough to break me into what i am now nothing because nothing is what i will be without you here in my life.

Claimer: This is mine.