10/10/02
Just something I wrote after.... something that happened.

Shredded Heart

My chest is heaving
My eyes are shedding
My body is shaking
My wrists are bleeding.

Scarlet flows down my cold hands
it drips onto the wooden floor

With each tear
my heart brakes
With each scarlet drop
my heart numbs

Just enough to put on my ice mask
Just enough to lie to those around me
Just enough to have the will to live

For if I don't...
my fear will win.

I will have surrendered.
I will have proved myself right.

That I don't deserve love
I don't deserve happiness or comfort
I don't deserve what death has to offer.

I wish my heart would have listened to my mind..
just this once.

So I wouldn't have to experience what I'm feeling right now

Abandonment.
Loneliness.
Depression.
Heartache.

Heart wrenching pain...