Kids In Desert

by dizzy

Episode I.

A/N: If you want to check this out with pictures, go to /kidsindesert/kid.html. Justo Lamas is an Argentinian pop-star our school's Spanish classes went to see last spring, and since that's when this was written, most situations are based on last spring. I got bashed a lot for writing this (before anyone knew I was writing it or before I'd written an episode) but on the off chance you're in this and not my friend, take these ribs lightly, 'cause originally the entire thing was ultimately supposed to rip on me the most and amuse my friends.

Wind swept across the sand, encircling the eighteen kids soon to become Kids In Desert. They may have been kids in a desert, but it would take much more than location to make one a Kid In Desert- they could not become Kids in Desert until Justo Lamas, everyone's favorite obscure Argentinian popstar, initiated them.

The excitement was tangible as the kids sat on the sand next to their possessions. Hip-hop music blared and spot-lights gyrated across the sand. "Justo's kinda shy kids! You'll need to encourage him to come out!" some random woman said.

"This is bullshit," Tami replied, standing up. Concetta covered her mouth in shock at hearing such an expletive in public, and Kaci shuddered visibly.

"You said shit," Mike said, giggling uncontrollably while Kaci began jerking and twisting on the ground. Brendan next to her coughed and looked away.

At this, everyone began to do whatever it was they did best.

Rachael and Sam leafed through a magazine, looking for their wedding dresses for their marriages to Ashley Angel and Aaron Carter, respectively.

James fashioned his finger a gun and ran around shooting cacti.

Mike and Bryan argued about non-non-conformitarianism.

John sat in a corner mumbling something about Mudvayne while Keith sat next to him begging everyone to keep the men in white coats away from him.

Joe wandered around with his hands in his pockets.

Krystal talked with Scott about setting up an exchange rate for weed.

Brendan and Brennen got into heated debate about wheel bearings.

Kaci convulsed for some time while no one noticed or cared.

Meghan, Amanda, and Tami sat in a corner debating whether or not John and Keith would be okay and whether or not they cared while Stephanie snapped six rolls of film of Scott talking to Krystal.

Concetta had said the Lord's Prayer 116 times before everyone remembered that they were here to become Kids In Desert, not to talk.

When they stopped talking they noticed a man in a mustard-colored button-down shirt with a black jacket and black pants in a heap on the ground near a cactus. He was heaving uncontrollably, obviously chagrined that he was being ignored.

"Hey! It's Ben Bragg in ten years!" Stephanie yelled, noting Justo's bright blue eyes, grimy blond hair, and stunning fashion sense, but got nothing but a few chuckles out of the crowd.

Detecting that the kids in a desert were paying attention to him, Justo stood, wiped a tear out of each eye, and said excitedly, "Love each other be drug free." He continued speaking, repeating the words "love" and "drug-free" strung together incomprehensibly by a series of words that all were 90 certain were not parts of speech meant to correspond.

"Are you going to get to the point?" Meghan asked.

"Ah, si, point." Justo flipped his grimy shoulder-length hair back sexily while shaking his pelvis in a provocative manner not fit for television.

John shrieked and hid behind a cactus.

Sam and Stephanie began a torrent of hysterical laughter that many kids in a desert soon caught onto. John, assuming that he was the butt of the joke, stood and ran, while Justo, assuming that laughter was a form of applause, gyrated more quickly. Justo abruptly stopped and said "Security! Chase that kid in a desert!" His pronunciation was abnormally good, but no one noticed because Keith was causing quite a spectacle, climbing a rather tall and pointy cactus to get away from the security men, who actually were wearing white coats.

Another set of security men arrived. While the first set chased down John, the second coaxed Keith further up the cactus as Brennen cheered Keith on. "Hahaha dumb goth! Impale yourself! Mad funny!" he said, mightily amused with his own ability to string six words together somewhat coherently. Eventually both Keith and John had been apprehended, much to the chagrin of some of the kids in a desert. John and Keith disappeared into the security van. As they could not continue without John and Keith, and the kids in a desert seemed to be losing interest, Justo sang some of his smash-hits, such as "Magdalena", "Eres Tu", and "La Bamba." To the great relief of many, John returned with a dopey grin and gave every indication that he had just received a lobotomy. Unfortunately (as Keith was still not there), the torture continued with "Siempre por Siempre" and "Ven Conmigo." Keith returned what seemed like years later, covered in bandages and wearing much the same look as John.

"Thank God," was the unified cry, except for Concetta, who refused to take the Lord's name in vain, and instead resorted to hugging her Bible tightly, so that God might forgive her for associating with such people.

"Bueno, bueno, it is time for... becoming Kids In Desert!" Justo said. "When I say rules, you listen. Then I say your name, and you... you... say "bueno", then you are Kid In Desert! Bueno?"

"Mad gay," "whatever," "spiffy," and silence were the replies Justo received and, encouraged at not having stewed tomatoes thrown at him, he continued, though everyone knew this was just for show, as they had signed contracts releasing their image, name, and soul months ago.

"You are eighteen people. Each day you will rid of one person you find especially mad gay, as you say, by voting one person you think is mad gay good-bye. The person is gone forever until they come and vote against the remaining Kids In Desert in vote 10, 13, and 14. If there is tie, I come up with contest I think will be fair for them, because I am Justo! Ha ha ha." He glanced at Stephanie furtively and she nodded. He continued hurriedly. "You do what Justo says, you vote, you do not know who vote for you, you maybe win in episode 14. You eat three time a day. At night you live in tent. During the day you work on building nice cabin shack for me and mi esposa bonitisima, Esperanza. If you win you get 200, a lifetime subscription to the teen magazine of your choice, and me, Justo, on your very own CD! Bueno?"

Amanda, John, Keith, Brennen, Meghan, Brendan, Tami, Concetta, Scott, Joe, Samantha, Rachael, Kaci, Bryan, Mike, Krystal, Stephanie, and James nodded solemnly, each saying "Bueno" when Justo's gaze passed over them.

"Buenisimo! We vote now!"

"Huh?" was the collective reply, as no one had anticipated voting so early, but no one had any trouble casting his or her vote.

It took a little under three minutes for the votes to be tallied.

"I feel very very bad for you, Keith, but you must go," Justo said. Keith nodded his head a little, as a string of spittle escaped from his agape mouth. If the Kid in Desert noticed that he seemed to have the motor control of a 98-year-old, his vacant eyes did not reveal it. Security picked him up and carried him away. Amanda broke into tears. "It's... n... not faaaaairrrrr," she wailed.

Justo put a kind arm around her shoulder. "Get away from me, bitch!" she cried. "Do not feel bad, Amanda. Everything will be bueno," Justo said. "Just love each other and stay drug-free." He just as quickly left her, running to a second security van that had come to replace the one that had driven Keith away. He emerged with a piece of paper, sheet of plywood, and a staple gun. He stapled the paper to the plywood and pushed the plywood into the sand so that it was sticking up. The seventeen remaining Kids In Desert crowded around and saw (without the list of who had voted for them, of course):

Brennen - 3 (Amanda, John, Keith)

Keith - 6 (Brennen, Meghan, Brendan, Tami, Concetta, Kaci)

Stephanie and Tami - 1 (Scott)

James - 3 (Joe, Sam, Rachael)

Concetta - 3 (Bryan, Mike, Krystal)

Kaci - 1 (Stephanie)

Sam - 1 (James)

It had begun.