The Theory of "The Flamer"

By: Neko-chan

Any author worth his or her salt knows what the 'illustrious' flamer is. But what is a flamer anyway? In this (short) essay, I hope to answer this question, while also giving examples. I know that this type of thing has probably been done before, but this will be my own version of the "What Is A Flamer" analysis.

To put it bluntly, a flamer is a person what doesn't know the difference between constructive criticism and insults. To them, they are the same thing. An example of constructive criticism would be: "I really enjoyed your plot line, but there are some things you need to work on. Throughout the story, I noticed that you continuously changed tenses. Also, your grammar and spelling seemed a little off. But other than that, it was a great story! Keep up the good work." Constructive criticism compliments the author's plot, characters, grammar, etc., while also pointing out what they need to work on to make their story _better_. An example of a flame would be: "U're a crappy writer and this is a shitty story." See the difference between constructive criticism and a flame?

One thing you'll notice is the spelling. 'You' is spelled 'y-o-u.' It is NOT 'U.' 'U' is a letter of the alphabet. Also notice the words used in each review. The reviewer of the constructive criticism comes off as intelligent by their use of their words. However, the flamer comes off as insulting and simple by their sentence structure and the language they use. Instead of keeping to everyday insults, why couldn't they be more imaginative and come up with their OWN insults? The answer: This 'review' is the best they have. They don't have any other insults because they have no imagination.

Another thing you'll notice about most flamers: Their grammar is poor, they have to use bad language to get their point across, and they almost never leave their email address. Now, why is that? The answer, once again, is simple: They're cowards. They don't want the people who DO like the story to email them and 'chew them out.' Now, if _I_ ever flame a story, I would put my email address because if anyone emails me because my flame, I would explain why I said the things I had said. Why? Because I would want to defend my point of view. Flamers don't care. They say the things they say to be insulting and rude.

Also, there is one thing that a person always wonders when they see the typical flame of: "This story is crappy! U suck and I hate u!" The average person would probably ask themself: "If the story is so crappy, then why did you read the whole entire story--chapters and all--and then bother to review? If you hate the story THAT much, then why didn't you just go and read another story?"

Once again, the answer is very simple: The typical flamer lives only to insult people. They have no other purpose but that. Why? Because the typical flamer is uncouth, rude, insulting, and negative. Also, the observer can see that the average flamer has no manners just by reading their 'reviews.' To sum it all up, the typical flamer is a very negative person.

What most flamers don't realize is that fact that authors write only for themselves. They DO enjoy getting feedback, but the author (most of them, anyway) only writes for themselves. They write to free something bottled up inside themselves. Most authors don't really care what flamers say and you'll see that this is true from the statement: "All flames will be used to roast my marshmallows." Flamers don't seem to realize that authors DON'T CARE if they get flamed. After all, if you get a review of: "This story is crappy and u're a shitty writer and I hate u!" would YOU really care what the person thinks of you? They don't even know how to spell 'you!' So why would their opinion matter to you? The truth is: It doesn't.

Most flamers also don't seem to realize that twenty flames are worth one good review. They don't seem to realize that compared to a reader that reads most of the author's work and LOVES IT, they are nothing. _They don't matter at all._ They are _worthless._

So, in conclusion, if an author has almost all flames, but still has at least ONE reader that loves their work, then all of the flames that they received don't matter. And, even if the author has ALL flames, they still don't matter. You write for yourself, not for anyone else. And flamers are people who have nothing better to do than flame people all day long. And you know what type of people they are.

Author's Note: Anyway, here I just want to thank all of the people that read my stuff and love it! I really appreciate you guys and I just wanted to let you know that even if I get all flames, your opinions will still matter more! *huggles* Sooo, thank you to: Amy, Katana (I WISH you would leave your email address! I love reading your reviews and you're such an awesome person! And the thing that gets to me most is the fact that _I can't say thank you to you!_ ....), Crystal, Rogue Marvel, Chrysta, Skittles, Lena, Celtica, Songwind, Sallie Drazzi, LiselBean, Takatome Ichido, crazed spyromaniac, and anyone else I forgot! (Which I seriously apologize for!!! *extra huggles for anyone she forgot*) All of you guys rock! ^_~