Her eyes flickered open for a moment. Cold, pale light streaming through her eyelashes while voices, echoing and distant, swam around her.

“ Will she be ok…?”

She couldn’t feel anything.

“ It’s too early to say…”

She didn’t know where she was.

“ We should let her rest…”

She didn’t care where she was.

“ Rowena…Ro, please hold on…”

She vaguely heard, even slightly recognised the voice calling out to her. But it wasn’t the voice she wanted to hear. And as her eyes slipped shut again, she felt the pain of doubt in her heart that she might never hear that voice again. With that thought slowly slicing icily through her soul she allowed herself to drift back into the peaceful, black silence once more.

Ã

Heaven. It had once seemed peaceful and serene. Now it was uncomfortably still and it felt as if it was swamping her. Rowena sighed heavily, looking out of her window and out over ‘paradise’.

They had all said she was doing well, understandably it was still too early before she could return to her Guardian duties but she looked to be improving steadily.

She couldn’t care less how she was doing or not doing, returning to her work was the last thing on her mind and improving was not a word that came forth to describe her situation.

She had been allowed to return to her home several days before – the friendly attendant suggesting rest and that she try to ‘get back into old ways’. For a few minutes, no not minutes, hope was only there for a fleeting moment or two, but for that brief instance she’d believed it. She felt safer to be home, more comfortable. The most normal she’d felt since returning to Heaven. Habit had made her pick up her drawing pad and sit in her favourite place by the window. Pencil twirling habitually through her fingers while she waited for inspiration to appear.

It had not come. Even though she had remained there, sat waiting for it patiently. The only images in her mind, while being the things she loved the most, were the ones she could not bring herself to draw.

Visitors had been to see her, fellow Guardians and other angels, but none of them had stayed for very long. Rowena had remained sat at her window, twirling her pencil, seemingly oblivious to whether she was alone or in the middle of a crowded room. Her gaze was fixed somewhere outside when they arrived and didn’t move, even they gave up trying to talk to her and whispered a sad farewell before closing the door quietly on their way out.

Once they’d gone she’d sigh softly, blink the tears away that were forming in her eyes and whisper an apology before sinking back into her thoughts.

Heaven. It had never felt less like its name. It now felt more like the deepest circle of despair and sorrow than a place of peace and joy. And how she hated it.

Ã

Anastasius was sure he could feel his heart in his mouth as he carefully knocked on Rowena’s door and opened it. He had been sent to check on her. Word was that she was in a bad way. That she hadn’t even spoken to anyone since her return, almost a week before. It was very rare for Guardians, or even Angels, to feel such sadness and despair. Even when they first arrived, very few had any serious grieving issues with the families they had left behind or the idea that they were no longer living, as such. That was what Heaven did to you. It was almost as if all negative thoughts and feelings were stripped away upon entry. Sometimes though such feelings did creep through. Once or twice and usually after severe cases had gone wrong, Guardians did need to take some time off to recover. Like Leo had done. However it was looking like Rowena didn’t even want to recover, and that was what was so worrying. Guardians were chosen primarily for an element of their personality that refused to give up, even when faced with almost certain defeat. Such tenacity was the main characteristic needed in a Guardian, along with compassion, friendliness and a host of others. But if a Guardian couldn’t even fight for their own survival…or wouldn’t…

Besides which the G.P.O had sent him with news that it was felt best should come from him. From a friend.

Tentatively Anastasius stepped through the doorway and into the room. Rowena was sat by the window, her drawing pad open in front of her.

“ Hello…?” Anastasius shut the door behind him and walked over to the desk. There was no response from Rowena. “ How you doing…?” He asked gently. Still no answer. Biting his lip slightly he reached down to tap her shoulder. “ Ro…it’s me…”

As soon as his hand touched her she jumped and shut her drawing pad. Twisting round in the seat to see who it was.

“ Oh…Ani…you made me jump…I didn’t hear you come in…”

“ I guessed not,” He smiled softly, sitting on the edge of her bed closest to the desk while she turned her chair around to face him with, he noticed, her pad clutched tightly in her hands. “ So, how’s things…?”

Rowena shrugged.

“ You haven’t missed much,” Anastasius tried to sound jovial and nonchalant but it wasn’t working. He wasn’t fooling her or even himself.

“ What’s the news then…?” She asked with a weak smile. “ You never could fool me…”

“ I know…don’t know why I bother…” He replied just as weakly.

There was a pause in which Anastasius tried to find the words to say what he had to but then Rowena did it for him.

“ He’s dead isn’t he…” Rowena’s was a statement rather than a question.

“ Yes, yes he is,” Anastasius murmured quietly.

There was another pause. Then Rowena started to cry. She didn’t burst into tears with a loud scream of anguish or throw things as he had expected. She just sighed and seemed to sink into the chair, as if the will to do anything had just left her, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. Her hands fell limply into her lap and the drawing pad slipped to the floor, sheets of paper spilling out around her feet. Anastasius bent to pick them up and a frown deepened on his forehead as he picked up the sheets of paper, glancing at each one as he did so. Page after page was filled with the same image. Eyes. Drawing after drawing of the same pair of dark eyes. Eyes that Anastasius himself had seen, albeit back at the G.P.O. and not in real life but he’d recognise them anywhere. They were Mathieu’s eyes.

“ I’m so sorry Ro…” Anastasius whispered, taking hold of her hands once more and letting the drawings float back down to the ground. But Rowena didn’t hear him, she was lost once more. Chasing a memory, a voice she knew she would only ever hear in her heart. He was gone. She had lost him. And she knew she had lost a part of herself too. A part that she feared would never come back.

Anastasius sat with her until it was dark outside, then he helped her into her bed before leaving. And so she lay in the darkness, unable to sleep, looking out into the night with tears falling steadily onto her pillow.

She didn’t see anyone for a few days. She supposed they were avoiding her. News of what had happened must have gotten around by now. Not that she minded the lack of visitors. It was giving her a chance to think, and she had lots of that to do.

Then when someone did come, it was Ani. But he wasn’t quite the friendly face she was hoping for. He was fidgety to say the least. First of all standing, leaning by her desk, then moving to sit on her bed, then standing again to walk across to her bookcase, then back to her desk.

“ Ani will you please sit down, you’re giving me motion sickness,” She frowned slightly.

“ Oh yeah…sorry…of course…” He mumbled sitting down finally in her desk chair.

He sat fiddling with his hands for a few more minutes before Rowena could sit and watch no more.

“ What is it Ani?” Rowena demanded flatly. “ I know something’s up so you might as well just tell me. What have they sent you to come and tell me this time, there is something else isn’t there…?”

Anastasius nodded.

“ Well…?” She demanded, annoyance creeping into her voice.

“ They want to give you your wings Ro…” Anastasius whispered.

“ They…they what…” Her legs acted of their own accord and forced her to collapse down onto the edge of the bed.

“ They want to give you your wings…” Anastasius repeated as he came to kneel beside her, taking her hands in his. “ Ro, what you did for Mathieu, you were willing to risk everything to save him. You acted above and beyond the duty of a Guardian. You were in your human form, had the car have hit you, you would have died…”

“ But I didn’t save him…” Rowena tried to argue weakly. “ He died, Ani…He was trying to save Dakota…he…”

“ Rowena, he died to save you,” Anastasius said as gently as he could. “ He ran into the road after his dog, but he shoved you aside when he saw it was you that was in danger…you had saved him, saved his heart…he was so ready to live and love that he was willing to risk it all to save you…”

A tear fell from her eyes as Rowena took in what she was being told.

“ But…but if they give me my wings…that means I’ll be a Guardian again…”

“ You still are a Guardian,” Anastasius smiled. “ You just resting at the moment…”

“ I don’t want them,” Rowena bit her lip.

“ You’re just surprised that’s all, once you’ve had chance to think-”

“ I don’t want them!” Rowena all but yelled, jumping to her feet. “ I don’t even know if I can be a Guardian any more…if I should be a Guardian any more…” She looked desperately at her friend. “ If I want to be a Guardian any more…”

“ Now you’re just being stupid…” Anastasius shook his head as he stood up beside her. “ You are one of, if not the best Guardian we have. Besides, they know what they’re doing, they don’t just hand these out to anyone you know!” He gestured to his own wings over his shoulder.

“ I know that but I just don’t think I deserve them,”

“ If you don’t, no one does!” Anastasius shot back.

“ And what if I just can’t do it any more…”

“ You can, you just need to try…”

“ Ani…I can’t and I won’t…”

“ You can and you’re just afraid to!” Anastasius replied smoothly.

“ That’s not fair…” Rowena threw back before adding quietly. “ Nothing’s fair…”

“ No, its not…” Anastasius acknowledged with a slightly softer tone. “ Something’s happen that should never happen…but then again, without such things, neither of us would be here…” He reached out to take his friend’s hand in his. “ But these things do…and it’s our job to make sure that every possible good that can come out of a situation, no matter how bad, does…you’re the ultimate eternal optimist, if you can’t help people see the silver linings, we might as well all of us hang up our halos!”

“ And it’s that easy, is it…?” Rowena asked hesitantly.

“ Oh I didn’t say it was easy…” Anastasius allowed himself to smile slightly. “ But nothing worth while doing is ever easy…” He quirked a black eyebrow. “ Even you should know that…how old are you…?”

For a minute it looked as if Rowena was going to hit him, so dark was her expression but then a smile filtered through and a formerly forgotten but familiar sparkle returned to her eyes.

“ Age has no relevance to anything, take you for example, you’ve been here for what…over a millennia? And you still don’t quite understand the whole ‘earth going round the sun, moon going round the earth thing’!”

“ That was a one off…” Anastasius pouted slightly.

“ Rubbish!” Rowena laughed. “ I’ve heard you telling every child you’ve ever met that everything goes around the earth…” A mischievous smile twitched onto her lips as he stood and walked over to the other side of the room. “ But then if you think everything revolves around you then it’s a fair assumption to make that the same theory applies to everything else…!” Rowena smirked before ducking as he threw a cushion at her head. “ Oh sorry,” She ducked as another one was thrown, “…touch a nerve did I?” She smirked as she lifted her head back up and chucked the cushions back across the room.

Anastasius ducked the first but caught the second one firmly and just stood holding it in his hands, a strange smile on his lips. “ What…?” Rowena asked, pushing a strand of hair back off of her face. “ What are you staring at…?”

Anastasius’ smile grew as he dropped the cushion and quickly crossed the room to gather her in a tight hug, which she quickly returned. Glancing down into her face as they separated slightly Anastasius suddenly found his voice wasn’t as loud as he wanted it to be.

“ It’s…it’s good to…” There was a pause while he tried to find the right words to say what he wanted to. “ Welcome back Ro…”

Rowena smiled gently.

“ Thank you…”

“ I thought we were going to lose you…” Anastasius whispered, no longer caring that it trembled slightly.

“ I was lost for a little while,” Rowena replied softly, “ But even I couldn’t completely forget my way home!” Her smile became sad. “ After all, there’s nothing for me anywhere else…”

“ Well I’m glad you’re back,” Anastasius hugged her once again.

“ And I’m glad your glad,” Rowena grinned, sliding her hand from around her friend’s back to reach down into her chair.

“ It’s not been the same round here without you.” Anastasius admitted.

“ I’ll bet!” Rowena smirked, taking a firm hold of something and carefully pulling it upwards. “ Quieter for one thing…”

“ Boring you mean!” Anastasius laughed just as Rowena, smile growing with every instant, stepped back and swung her hand round, the cushion held tightly in her fingers hitting him around the head. With a loud laugh at the shocked expression on his face, she ran out of the door. Anastasius watched her for a minute before running after her, cushion held tightly in his hand. “ I’ll get you for that!” He yelled happily as he chased her.

“ Course you will!” Rowena taunted as she ran a little faster, nearly losing her balance as she skirted around a group of elderly angels who’d been taking a quiet afternoon stroll, almost taking a couple of them with her.

“ Sorry about that,” Anastasius apologised quickly as he caught up with the group, all of whom were stood staring after Rowena. “ She’s just a little over excited…”

“ Don’t worry, dearie,” one of them smiled, placing an old hand on his. “ We can all remember that feeling.”

“ What feeling…?” Anastasius asked, keeping one eye on Rowena who had paused for breath further up the pathway. Eyes sparkling and cheeks flushed with excitement.

“ Why…the feeling of being home,” she smiled softly.

Ã

“ No,”

“ Oh please…”

“ Absolutely not,”

“ But there’s no one else…”

“ No chance!”

“ But Ro…”

“ But Ro nothing!”

They had been having pretty much the same conversation for about an hour. Normally Anastasius wouldn’t have minded but it was the location more than anything else that he wasn’t particularly happy about. Two weeks previously Rowena had been awarded her wings, following her actions on Earth, and was now making full use of them. She had perched at the top of the tallest tree in ‘The Garden’, sitting on the only available branch. Which meant Anastasius had been hovering next to her for what felt like a small eternity.

“ Will you at least come down so we can discuss this properly?”

“ There is nothing to discuss,” Rowena smiled back before tutting. “ Now will you please go and find something constructive to do and let me finish my drawing. That sunset isn’t going to hang around all evening for me to draw you know!”

“ Rowena will you please be serious for a minute-”

“ I am being serious!” She flipped the drawing pad closed with an air of definite annoyance. “ I’m supposed to be on my holidays, Ani. Holidays!” She repeated stressing every syllable carefully. “ That means no work, no discussions and, more importantly, no distractions. You, my friend, are all three, so please…and I mean this in the nicest way possible…flap off!!”

Anastasius hovered for a moment longer, not quite sure of how to respond. Rowena opened her drawing pad once again and started to move her pencil over the surface before pausing and glancing at him.

“ Was there something else you wanted?” She asked, almost innocently. Anastasius took a deep breath, he had to convince her somehow.

“ Rowena please, this is really important, it’s come direct from the G.P.O…”

“ Doesn’t everything…” she groaned, returning her attention to her drawing.

“ Will you at least let me tell you about it…?” Anastasius pleaded.

Her blue eyes regarded him briefly before she sighed her response.

“ It had better be good! And, may I remind you, listening to you tell me isn’t an offer to do it…!! Unless its something like a placement on the Gold Coast…?”

“ Not exactly…”

“ How about a nice overseas posting to South Africa?”

“ I agree that would be nice but…”

“ Well,” Rowena interjected, “ Unless it’s that or a placement in the Caribbean looking after some sun beds for a week or two…I’m not going anywhere!”

Anastasius couldn’t help but roll his eyes slightly.

“ Funny, Ro, but…technically you wouldn’t actually have to go anywhere…”

“ Huh?”

“ I said you wouldn’t-”

“ I heard you. It was an expression of misunderstanding not deafness!” Rowena pouted slightly. “ We don’t have placements in Heaven…no need for them…”

“ Who said it was a placement…” Anastasius plucked a leaf from the nearest branch and rolled it between his fingers slowly.

“ Alright so it’s not a placement, but what job could need doing here that someone else couldn’t do?” Rowena asked bluntly, realising that asking outright was the only way of getting a straight answer from her friend. “ Why me? Why a Guardian?” She grinned. “ Why not you?”

“ Because I’m busy and you’re the best suited for the job in question…”

“ I’ve noticed you’re always bloody busy when these important jobs turn up…” She remarked. “ So what is the job in question?” Rowena tipped her head on one side slightly.

“ Well, there’s a new Guardian and…”

“ Oh no!”

“ But we need someone to…”

“ Not a Guardian in Hell’s chance mate!” Rowena flipped her pad shut and flew up from her seat.

“ It would only be for a few weeks,” Anastasius tried to argue, flying up with her.

“ I don’t care! You want me to give up nearly a month of my holiday, a holiday that I’ve been waiting twenty-five years for, to become a…a…” Rowena tried to think of best way to put it. “ A bloody mentor or something?!”

“ Well, yes.” Anastasius replied. “ You’ve had more than enough experience to help a new Guardian work through their first case…you’re an excellent teacher, and don’t say you’re not because you are! Plus you’re the best friend a new Guardian could ask for…or any old one either for that matter.” He finished with a smile.

The two of them were now hovering a few feet from the floor of ‘The Garden’, Rowena holding her drawing pad tightly across her chest, chin down and face thoughtful. The silence that followed was a little uncomfortable for them both. Uncomfortable for Anastasius because he could only hope she would be unable to refuse. Uncomfortable for Rowena because she knew there was no reason good enough in her heart why she should say no, just like the last time Anastasius had asked her to give up her time to help someone in need...

Mathieu wouldn’t want her to mope around forever.

With a deep and very heavy sigh Rowena slowly landed on the ground and looked up as Anastasius landed silently next to her.

“ So…?” He asked tentatively.

“ So,” Rowena shot back before her tone softened. “ So, you’d better tell me where to find her-”

“ Him,” Anastasius interjected.

“ Alright, him then!” Rowena rolled her eyes.

“ So you’ll do it?” Anastasius could barely stand still he was so excited.

“ Yes,” Rowena sighed. “ But I mean it, you owe me big time now!” A slight smile filtered onto her face as Anastasius hugged her tightly.

“ I know, I know!” He beamed. “ Next posting will be somewhere hot and sunny, I swear!”

“ I’ll hold you to that…” She grinned, glancing up to see the sunset fading beneath the clouds below to shine down on the Earth. “ And I guess there’ll be other sunsets to draw too…” With another sigh she turned back to her friend. “ So where is he…?”

“ He’ll be arriving, well, now…” He shot her a huge grin. “ And I believe he’s been told to meet his mentor,” Anastasius couldn’t help but nudge Rowena in the ribs, almost as if to remind that he was talking about her. “ Outside the G.P.O.”

“ Nice,” Rowena wrinkled up her nose slightly. “ Oh well, better there than no where I suppose.” With that she said goodbye to Anastasius and headed towards the G.P.O., pausing briefly at her home to throw her drawing pad through the open window, grinning with pride as it landed on the desk.

The sky had been painted gold by the sunset and the bright, warm colour hadn’t faded at all yet. The cloud formations edged with light, patches of pink and purple sky showing through here and there. With a slight smile she thought to herself, ‘Maybe I’ll have time to do some drawing once I’ve managed to get rid of-’

Her train of thought was brought to an abrupt halt as she rounded the corner and saw the G.P.O in front of her. Stood outside was the new Guardian.

She must have gasped, although later she couldn’t be sure, because he turned around to face her. And when his eyes met hers that was when she felt as if she couldn’t breathe. Everything had gone quiet, so quiet in fact she was sure you could have heard people talking on Earth. She could feel that she was shaking and yet she felt frozen to the spot.

“ Hello,” He said finally.

“ H-hello,” She managed to reply.

For the next few moments they just stared at each other before Rowena suddenly regained control of her body and threw herself into his arms. Holding him tightly to her before lifting her head to kiss him warmly. The rest of Heaven could have faded away in that instant for all she cared. Pulling her head away from his she looked up into his face and felt her stomach jolt as his mouth broke into a handsome smile.

“ I’ve missed you,” He whispered, his dark eyes shining.

“ I thought I’d lost you…” She smiled back, barely noticing the tears of joy rolling down her cheeks.

“ I promise you’ll never lose me again Rowena.”

“ I’m not going to let you leave my side long enough to get lost…” Rowena felt as if her heart would burst it was so full of happiness when she heard him say her name. The voice she had heard in her dreams so often. “ …Mathieu…”