THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Episode 3.11 - "Crisis With Infinite Liams"
Written by Jesse Glaspey INT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS, LIAM'S PLACE Liam, Bippo and Thad are playing a video game while Donner is reading a newspaper. Donner looks up to see what game they're playing. DONNER What the…? I didn't know they made a Kari Wuhrer video game! LIAM Yup. Final Fantasy XXX! It's a multiplayer role playing game. THAD The goal is to get her a 20 million dollar contract. You have to go through casting agents, directors, and various rock stars in hopes of making it big. We hear a squishing sound from the TV. BIPPO HA! I scored 10,000 points by dorking Ben Affleck! Thad squints and looks at the TV. THAD That wasn't Ben Affleck. That was Ben Stiller. BIPPO Aw CRAP! All of a sudden, the power goes out. DONNER Wow. There IS a god! LIAM Aw, fudgenuggets! This is the third time this week this has happened! DONNER Well, you could talk to Arturo about it. LIAM I'm going to! A long pause. DONNER Well….? LIAM Oh! You mean now! Okay. Liam, Bippo, Thad and Donner head over to Arturo's apartment. They run into Stacy, who's wearing a robe. INT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS. THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE ARTURO'S. LIAM Stacy, what are you doing here? STACY I was taking a shower and the second I'm about to turn on my hair dryer, the power goes out! You know that a hair dryer is essential for making my hair as full and bouncy as it is??? BIPPO And all this time I thought your hair was only the second most full and bouncy thing on you. Stacy is about to say something when Jesse and Jonathan walk up the hallway. DONNER I bet it's their fault! JESSE The hell it is! I just got my DVD of Hudson Hawk and the second I put it in… BOOM! Power goes out! JONATHAN He REALLY wants to see that movie. All I've heard is him constantly singing "Swingin' on a star." Liam knocks on the door. No Answer. Stacy then pounds on the door. No answer. JESSE I'll handle this. Jesse sneezes and kicks the door open. JESSE AAH-CHOO! They step through the now-open door. INT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS. ARTURO'S PLACE JESSE Whoops. Guess I caught a cold! JONATHAN You really MUST do something about that. Everyone enters Arturo's place. LIAM So where's the Professor? We now hear singing from the shower. ARTURO (Singing) Let me see that thooooooooooong! That thong th-th-th-thong! DONNER Professor! We need to talk to you! ARTURO Gah! What the bloody hell? I'll be right out! A couple of minutes later…Arturo comes out in a robe. ARTURO What in the devil are you all doing in here? And what happened to my door? JESSE Liam did it. LIAM WHAT? JESSE But seriously, Professor… What's with all the blackouts? Did you piss off the electric company or something? ARTURO No. I fear it maybe my latest experiment. It's over here. The group walks over to a large object covered by a blanket. Arturo pulls it off. It's a sliding device. JESSE What the hell is that? ARTURO That my boy, is my hobby! I've been bored as of late so I've decided to resume my research in sliding technology. Travelling to other dimensions and the like. JONATHAN THAT'S your hobby? Ever consider doing something simple, like collecting stamps? STACY So how is it responsible for the blackouts? ARTURO That's something I'm wondering myself, Stacy. I've come to the conclusion that someone or something is trying to start the device and open a wormhole from another dimension, so far it's been unsuccessful. DONNER What's trying to do this? ARTURO I have no idea. That's why I haven't opened the wormhole. Until I can do further research, that wormhole stays firmly shut. All of a sudden the device whooshes to life and the vortex starts opening. ARTURO What the bloody hell is happening? Everyone looks at Liam, he's leaning on the "On" switch. He realizes what he's done. LIAM OOPS! Before anyone can do anything, a figure flies out of the tunnel and it shuts. The figure gets up. The person looks exactly like Liam except for the fact he's dressed completely in black and has a goatee. JESSE Oh, this does NOT bode well. LIAM WOW! He looks exactly like me! But he has to shave off that stupid goatee. This alternate Liam glares at our Liam. LIAM Maybe we could do a doublemint commercial! Double you pleasure, double your f- The alternate Liam punches our Liam in the face. ARTURO Now see here! Stop that at once! LIAM2 No. Liam2 grabs Arturo by his robe and performs a judo-like throw on him, sending him crashing into Jonathan and Jesse in turn, sending them crashing into the wall, knocking them out. BIPPO Holy crap! He looks cool AND he's whipping some ass! He's like… an Anti-Liam! The Anti-Liam stops. He then looks at Bippo. ANTI-LIAM Anti-Liam… I like that! BIPPO Does that mean you're going to leave us conscious? ANTI-LIAM No. The Anti-Liam pulls out a small metallic sphere. He then drops it to the ground. It immediately sprays a greenish gas everywhere. Much later, The gang wakes up. The sliding device is gone. LIAM Anybody else think this is bad? MUSICAL STING. FADE OUT ------------- ---- -- -- ------ ------- ------------- ------ ----- -------------------- THEME SONG (Sung to the theme from "Jack Of All Trades") In the year 2001 In Texas lived Jason Gaston Liam Smith made fun of him Proving that he's really dim So Jason brought in Jesse His mission: very clear! He wrote this little parody He finished, now it's here! (guitar riff) Liam hangs out with a werewolf And a homicidal clown Liam works at Circus Circus, Las Vegas is his town! He's clearly stalking Kari Wuhrer He fought Satan and Scrappy Doo The show's about to start So our song is through OLE! ---------------- ------------------- ---------------- ------ --------------------- The Liam Smith Show STARRING Dian Bachar as Liam Smith/ The Anti-Liam Co-Starring Jason Gaston as Donner Seann William Scott as Thad Coffey Cameron Diaz as Stacy VaVoom Robert Floyd as Bippo the Clown John Rhys-Davies as Professor Arturo Jason Lee as Jesse Glaspey/Cosmic Weasel Jack Black as Jonathan Krueger/Dr. Wham INT. A DARKENED WAREHOUSE The Anti-Liam is pacing back and forth in front of a group. We can't see the group yet, but there's a lot of people in that group. ANTI-LIAM I believe you are all wondering why I brought you here today. I definitely know who all of you are and you definitely know who I am. But I brought you here for a simple reason: I want each and every one of you to help me lay waste to everyone and everything in this city. I know each and everyone of you so well that I shouldn't even have to tell you why. Just do it. Am I clear? A silence. Anti-Liam turns the lights on to reveal an army of Liam's from parallel universes. Barbarian Liams. Military Liams. Viking, biker, terrorist, robot, alien, caveman and even pirate Liams. ANTI-LIAM I said AM I CLEAR? THE LIAM ARMY YES SIR! ANTI-LIAM Then get out there, and ANNIHILATE EVERYTHING!!! The Liam Army marches out. Meanwhile back at Upta Creek. INT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS, LIAM'S PLACE. Liam and the gang are recuperating. Liam is pacing back and forth. LIAM We have to find him! Who knows what he could be up to with that sliding device! ARTURO (Putting ice on his back. Leers at Jesse and Jonathan) And why the bloody hell didn't you two blistering idiots do anything? JESSE (Putting ice on forehead) Forgive us, but we had 400 pounds of Limey putting us through A WALL! ARTURO But don't the two of you have super powers? JONATHAN (Putting ice on shoulder) His powers never turn off. But that doesn't matter considering he doesn't have nigh invulnerability! An ability I have… BUT ONLY WHEN I SAY THE WORD! STACY So shouldn't the two of you go on patrol or something? See if you can find the Anti-Liam? JESSE Why? Evil or not… he's still Liam! JONATHAN Yeah, I mean come on… What's the worst he could do? Gather an army and try to destroy the city? LIAM (Pacing) No… that's too simple. If I was evil, I'd do something far worse. Donner walks past a window, stops, walks back, looks out again and stares. DONNER Guys? The Anti-Liam is leading an army of various alternate Liams and they're destoying the city. THAD How do you know that? DONNER Because they're starting outside our building. Everyone rushes to the window. LIAM Oh boy… This isn't good. Everyone stares at Jesse and Jonathan. JESSE We get it! We get it! We're going! We're going! Jesse and Jonathan head for the door. LIAM Hurry! JESSE Fine! But you asked for it! INT. CIRCUS, CIRCUS. SENESTRA'S OFFICE. Rock and Tank are looking out the window. ROCK Um, boss. you should look at this! SENESTRA Not now, cretins! I'm busy! TANK You should see this! It's that guy, Liam Smith! Something weird is going on with him! SENESTRA Fine! One look and that's it! Senestra looks out the window. She sees the Liam Army ripping up the town. SENESTRA Oh... my... GOD! There's more of him??? Senestra faints. Rock & Tank neglect to catch her. EXT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS, LIAM'S PLACE. Jesse and Jonathan turn and rush the other way. They crash outside through the closed windows and dive towards the ground. On the way down, Jesse taps his ring changing him into the Cosmic Weasel. He then grabs a hold of a flagpole to slow his decent, he then springs off that flipping forward and landing on the roof of a car. At the same time, Jonathan calls out the magic word… JONATHAN NIPPLAGE! Thunder and lightning crash and Jonathan is transformed into Dr. Wham before he even reaches the ground, where he flies over to The Cosmic Weasel. DR. WHAM What do you think? Our coolest entrance ever? COSMIC WEASEL Definitely up there. The Liam Army sees them. DR. WHAM All right, which of these cowpies do we take out first? COSMIC WEASEL Let's find out. HEY JACKASSES! Which one of you pathetic clone war rejects wants to step up to an asskicking first? The crowd of Liams parts and one steps forward. He is slightly more muscular than the Liam we know. COSMIC WEASEL Ah, a pushover! Ready for an ass whooping? This Liam suddenly grows an extra two feet and turns into a cyborg. L.I.A.M. I am Linear Ionic Auto-Mechanoid. Surrender or die. COSMIC WEASEL Well this figures. The Cosmic Weasel and Dr. Wham tackle L.I.A.M. and dive into the swarm of Liams. Meanwhile, our Liam and his friends watch from the windows. STACY Think they're going to be all right? LIAM They better be! They owe me two windows! All of a sudden, the entire building shakes. ARTURO What the devil was that? DONNER It sounds like it's coming from the roof. LIAM Let's see what it is! Liam runs out. The group looks at one another. There's a long pause. DONNER So I take it we're going to file this under "stupid group decisions"? Everyone nods in agreement and follow after Liam. They get to the roof, only to see The Anti-Liam there, working on the sliding device. Anti-Liam turns and notices them. EXT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS. THE ROOF. ANTI-LIAM Hey! Glad you made it! Anti-Liam pulls out a gun and fires on the gang. They dive behind an air conditioner/ventilation system. THAD Now what? LIAM We wet ourselves and pray someone saves us? DONNER Oh come on! The two closest heroes are fighting an army in the middle of the street! The odds of other superheroes coming to our rescue are… CAPEMAN CAAAAAAAPPPPPPPEEEEEEMMAAAAAAAAAAN NNNNNNNN!!!!! DONNER … Disturbingly good? Capeman and the Justice Squad fly down. Ultrawoman, Nightflyer, Blue Fairy, Colossal Chunk and Captain Spaz fly down into the melee, helping Cosmic Weasel and Dr. Wham. Capeman flys over to the Anti-Liam. He then bounces off a force field. ANTI-LIAM HA! You think I didn't see this coming? I programmed a force field to keep every superhuman and freak show away from me! CAPEMAN Force field or not. I've punched through much tougher things. Capeman starts punching away at the force field. The Anti Liam calmly walks up to the field and leans forward. ANTI-LIAM You might as well stop, Capeman. You're going to have your hands full. I always, ALWAYS think ahead. Capeman stops. CAPEMAN Oh really? Any reason why? ANTI-LIAM (Whispers) Simple. I know who you are. Capeman stops dead in his tracks. ANTI-LIAM On my Earth… I found out your secret identity and killed you myself. Here, I'll let MY Capeman do it for me. CAPEMAN YOUR Capeman? Capeman is tapped on the shoulder. He turns around to see a Capeman that looks exactly like Liam. CAPEMAN Hello! CAPELIAM Goodbye! CapeLiam punches Capeman sending him flying back, crashing into a Swill Cola sign. ANTI-LIAM MY Capeman! A Liam pulled from a world where HE is Capeman! And an Evil one at that! HAHAHAHAA! Meanwhile, The Justice Squad is fighting along side The Cosmic Weasel and Dr. Wham. EXT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS. THE STREET OUTSIDE. COSMIC WEASEL (punching a Caveman Liam) You guys took your sweet time! ULTRAWOMAN (Throwing Siamese Twin Liams through a window) Sorry but we got caught off guard. Usually calls about an army of interdimensional Liam Smiths aren't the kind of thing we're used to. CAPTAIN SPAZ And th-th-th-there's so many of them! DR. WHAM That's usually the key part of an "army", Spaz. COLOSSAL CHUNK CHUNK SMASH LITTLE MEN! The Colossal Chunk is then overwhelmed by various Ape-Liams. NIGHTFLYER SWEET JESUS! They got Chunk! Blue Fairy is then dragged off by a bird-Liam BLUE FAIRY GAH! DR. WHAM Where did the Anti-Liam find the time to get all these Liams? ULTRAWOMAN It doesn't matter! We need back up and we need it NOW! CAPTAIN SPAZ You wouldn't… ULTRAWOMAN I'm calling in The Justice Squad West Coast! CAPTAIN SPAZ Oh god, we're dead. ------------------ -------------------------- --------------- ------------- ---------------------- COMMERCIAL BREAK Drink Swill Cola! It's great! Just listen to our spokeswoman! Kari Wuhrer: Drink Swill! It only looks like crap! Drink Swill! By DonCo. ---------------- -------------------------- ----------------- ---------- -------------------------- EXT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS. THE STREET OUTSIDE The Justice Squad is continuing to fight The Liam Army. Capeman is fighting CapeLiam. The Anti-Liam is continuing his work on his sliding device. COSMIC WEASEL The Justice Squad WHAT? ULTRAWOMAN The Justice Squad West Coast! After we let you two in the team, we figured we'd take a page from Capeman's book. COSMIC WEASEL And do what? ULTRAWOMAN Franchise. DR. WHAM Waitaminute. If the Justice Squad's purpose is to save the world... Then what's the point of having a team on the west coast? NIGHTFLYER SEMANTICS! Here they come! The Justice Squad West Coast flies down into the brawl. They are THE GREEN BULIMIC, CHICKEN-PLUCKER, JOHNNY FLESH-WOUNDS, BIKINI GIRL & LINGERIE LASS and TOILET-MAN & BIDET! The Green Bulimic take charge and assesses the situation. GREEN BULIMIC Everyone watch each other's backs! We can beat these… um… what are we fighting? NIGHTFLYER Otherdimensional versions of a guy we know. GREEN BULIMIC Ah. Look out! Green Bulimic shoves Nightflyer out of the way and vomits all over an alternate Liam. Green Bulimic then punches that Liam out. COSMIC WEASEL That's DISGUSTING! UGH! Another alternate Liam jumps Cos from behind. Chicken-Plucker dives into the rescue. Chicken-Plucker pulls a live chicken off his belt and then holds it in front of the alternate Liam. CHICKEN-PLUCKER MOTHER PLUCKERRRRRRRRR! Cos and Dr. Wham flinch as they hear a bizarre squishing noise with a hint of clucking. Feathers fly past Cos and Doc, and a bloodcurdling scream is heard. Chicken-Plucker then walks away calmly and passes Cos and Doc who have disgusted looks on their faces. CHICKEN-PLUCKER No need to thank me! The action is it's own reward! DR. WHAM Now THAT was disgusting. Toilet-Man, a hero with a giant toilet bowl on his head runs up to Cos and Doc with his sidekick, Bidet. TOILET-MAN Cosmic Weasel! Dr. Wham! Quickly! You two back us up while we take out that giant hairy French version of Liam! Toilet-Man and Bidet run off towards that giant hairy French Liam. Cos stays right where he is. DR. WHAM Why aren't you helping them? COSMIC WEASEL I am not taking orders from a guy with a toilet on his head! DR. WHAM Why not? COSMIC WEASEL Because he's full of crap! Rim shot. DR. WHAM You through now? COSMIC WEASEL Pretty much. All of a sudden a giant Liam with four arms stands up behind Cos and Doc. They turn around and pause. COSMIC WEASEL Well, ain't that a bitch? All of a sudden, Johnny Flesh-Wounds jumps in front of Cos and Doc. He wears dark sunglasses and an Armani suit. JOHNNY FLESH-WOUNDS Stand back, fellas! It's time for Johnny Flesh-Wounds to make a BIG HIT!!! Johnny Flesh-Wounds pulls out twin .45's ands opens fire on the Liam and empties both clips into it. Unfortunately… COSMIC WEASEL You didn't hit a damn thing! Johnny Flesh-Wounds takes off his sunglasses and looks directly at Cos and Doc. His eyes are completely crossed. JOHNNY FLESH-WOUNDS I'm trying the best I can!!! Johnny Flesh-Wounds runs off after the four-armed Liam. Bikini Girl and Lingerie Lass walk up. COSMIC WEASEL So what are your powers? BIKINI GIRL We do not need powers. LINGERIE LASS We are hot chicks. A pause COSMIC WEASEL I can't find a flaw in that logic… you two wanna go have a drink? BIKINI GIRL Look out! Bikini Girl shoves Cosmic Weasel out of the way. Her and Lingerie Lass and tackle a female Liam. DR. WHAM Sure are a lot of superheroes around here. COSMIC WEASEL Yep. First one shows up, then another, then next thing you know, they're swarming like flies around… An explosion goes off behind them. It's Capeman and CapeLiam, slugging it out. CAPEMAN DIE! CAPELIAM No, YOU die! CAPEMAN No YOU! COSMIC WEASEL Think we should get out of here? DR. WHAM Um, yeah. I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat. All of a sudden Decoy dives in front of them. He looks exactly like Liam DECOY-LIAM You're not going anywhere! Cos and Doc pause. They shove Decoy-Liam out of the way as they walk back into the apartments. DECOY-LIAM HEY! Decoy-Liam is about to chase after them when he is killed by several of Johnny Flesh-Wounds' stray bullets. Meanwhile, back on the roof. The Anti-Liam continues to work. EXT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS. THE ROOF. LIAM I can't hide behind here longer! I need answers! Liam gets up and walks over to the force field. ANTI-LIAM Can I do something for you? LIAM I need to know why? Why are you doing this? What made you like this? ANTI-LIAM Honestly? Luck. LIAM Luck? ANTI-LIAM Bad luck. Tons of it. I was orphaned, abused by my "friends", treated like crap by my boss… Do you have any idea what that's like? LIAM (very long pause) No. No I wouldn't. ANTI-LIAM Well I couldn't take it anymore! I snapped! I killed everyone! My idiot friends, my fat landlord, my cheap floozy of a sister, that skeeze I called "boss", the most powerful hero on my world… DONNER (pulling out a notepad) Hey! Could you describe how you did that one? ANTI-LIAM I was dominating my foes! Until a vampire and two lazy superheroes I knew threw me into a sliding portal and shut it. Forcing me to slide for god knows how long… until you released me. THAD Oh god… I died and Drew lived? Where's the justice? STACY Two superheroes? Is he talking about who I think he's talking about? DONNER God, I hope not. All of a sudden, the door flies open and Cos and Doc walk out with beer in one hand and pizza in the other. COSMIC WEASEL We should have a good view of the brawl from here… HEY! You're the cheese eating dick monkey that put us through a wall! ANTI-LIAM Oh my… you two are on this world too? This will be so sweet! Had I recognized you earlier, I probably would have killed you sooner. Cos and Doc rush Anti-Liam and bounce off the force field, falling flat on their asses. ANTI-LIAM HA! You idiots can't touch me! I'm behind a force field programmed to keep superheroes out! Cos and Doc stand up. COSMIC WEASEL Didja hear that, Doc? He has a force field to keep superheroes out! DR. WHAM Will wonders never cease! Plan B? COSMIC WEASEL Plan B. LIAM & ANTI-LIAM Plan B? Cosmic Weasel and Dr. Wham pull out two handguns. ARTURO What the hell are they doing? ANTI-LIAM What the hell are you doing? COSMIC WEASEL You see, I'm willing to bet that while you programmed the force field to keep out superheroes, you neglected to program it to keep out bullets! ARTURO That would explain why bullets passed through when he was firing on us! ANTI-LIAM You're bluffing! You two would damn yourselves if you shot me! DR. WHAM I'm thinking he didn't fix that force field. I mean he may be a short evil SOB, but he IS Liam COSMIC WEASEL Well, let's find out! Cos and Doc open fire. They clip Anti-Liam in the leg and destroy the sliding device. DR. WHAM Hey! We were right! LIAM And you guys didn't kill the Anti Liam! You just wounded him! COSMIC WEASEL (looking at the gun) Well, that's only because Johnny Flesh-Wound's guns have just as bad aim as he does. ANTI-LIAM You… IDIOTS! You're all dead now!!! COSMIC WEASEL Any reason why? ANTI-LIAM I was opening a portal to pull through one final Liam before I would escape. Now we're all dead! The portal is opening now! A huge portal opens in the sky. LIAM What kind of Liam were you pulling through??? ANTI-LIAM The biggest! A giant Liam steps through the portal. He is reptilian and very, very big. He is… ANTI-LIAM LIAMZILLA! And he's going to destroy us all!!! And you destroyed the only way to get rid of him! Everyone looks at the giant Liam. COSMIC WEASEL Well, that's it! I quit! ------------------ -------------------------- --------------- ------------- ---------------------- COMMERCIAL BREAK -NBC: We're number one! -ABC: No. We're number one! -CBS: No. You're both wrong. We're number one! -FOX: Bitch, get me a soda! ------------------------ --------------------------------- -- ------------------------------------ EXT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS. THE ROOF. Liam and the gang are on the roof staring at Liamzilla. COSMIC WEASEL Well… anyone have any ideas? LIAM Can't say I do. DR. WHAM I got nothing. THAD Drawing a blank. STACY I'm at a loss. DONNER Ditto. BIPPO Can I keep it? ARTURO Why doesn't somebody try to blow the bloody thing up? Everyone stares at Arturo. ARTURO What? I can't get violent? Just shove some explosives down that stupid thing's throat and blow it sky high! COSMIC WEASEL Now where are we going to get enough explosives to blow that thing up? Everyone does a slow turn to look to Bippo. BIPPO What? What? DR. WHAM Bippo… buddy… pal… BIPPO Oh no! I'm saving those for a special holiday! THAD The 4th of July? BIPPO No. Thanksgiving, silly! Bet the ol' family won't expect the stuffing I put in the turkey this year! KABOOM! COSMIC WEASEL Come on, Bippo. You'll help save the world. BIPPO No! They're mine! COSMIC WEASEL Please? BIPPO No! COSMIC WEASEL What's that? I couldn't hear you. Yes? BIPPO No! COSMIC WEASEL Yes? BIPPO No! COSMIC WEASEL Yes? BIPPO No! COSMIC WEASEL Yes? BIPPO No! COSMIC WEASEL No? BIPPO Yes! COSMIC WEASEL Okay. Thanks! We'll just help ourselves! Bippo pauses. BIPPO Aw dammit! A couple of minutes later. The roof is lined with explosives. COSMIC WEASEL Damn. If this doesn't give that big green bastard indigestion, I don't know what will. DR. WHAM Where is he now? DONNER (looking through binoculars) He's at the corner of Stipe Boulevard and Maxine Road. Destroying a Spencer's Gifts. COSMIC WEASEL Maybe he'll get distracted with all that glow in the dark and neon crap they sell. LIAM Now how are we going to get him to swallow all these explosives? COSMIC WEASEL Well, we could wire them all into a giant pill shaped like a Flintstones Chewable and then whip it into his mouth then… KABLOOIE! DR. WHAM "Kablooie!" COSMIC WEASEL Exactly. DONNER That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. THAD Do you have a better idea? Five minutes later… the gang is looking at a giant Flintstone's Chewable shaped like Barney. DR. WHAM We should've made it shaped like Betty. COSMIC WEASEL Yeah. She was hot! STACY (looking through the binoculars) There he is! Coming our way! ARTURO Where's the Justice Squad and those other guys? DR. WHAM Oh, they beat the Liam army and now they're storing them in a warehouse until they can figure out what to do with them. They're also treating Chunk and Blue Fairy and others that were injured. DONNER And Capeman? DR. WHAM Look downstairs. Donner and others lean over to see Capeman and CapeLiam still fighting. DONNER Geez, talk about dragging it out… Hey. Does CapeLiam have an agent? STACY Wait! How are we going to get that giant pill into Liamzilla's mouth? A pause COSMIC WEASEL Oh crap! DR. WHAM Wait! I have an Idea! CAPEMAN! KNOCK CAPELIAM INTO LIAMZILLA'S GUT! CAPEMAN Ok. Whatever. Capeman decks CapeLiam, sending him flying ten feet too low. CapeLiam slams directly into Liamzilla's hoo-hah. COSMIC WEASEL Jesus! Does every superhero in this town have lousy aim? Liamzilla's jaw drops and a whimper squeaks out. While his mouth is open, Cos and Doc hurl the pill through the air and sink it right into Liamzilla's mouth. Liamzilla instinctively swallows. DR. WHAM NOW! Bippo presses the switch and Liamzilla is blow'd up. His tail falls directly on CapeLiam, knocking him out. COSMIC WEASEL YEAH! DR. WHAM WOOHOO! Everyone is then pelted by Liamzilla bits. Two basketball sized spheres slam into Cos and Doc. COSMIC WEASEL (getting up) Ow. I think we got hit by his eyeballs! STACY (looks closer) You're half right. And I don't mean the eye part. A pause. COSMIC WEASEL (Shoving "it" away from him.) OH GROSS! A gunshot goes off. Everyone turns to see the Anti-Liam holding a gun. His leg is still bleeding. ANTI-LIAM Oh sure! You've defeated my army and ruined my plans but I WILL have the last laugh! LIAM Safety's on. ANTI-LIAM What? LIAM The safety to your gun… it's on. As the Anti-Liam looks at the gun, Liam punches him out. Everyone stares at Liam. LIAM What? Sure, he was evil. But he IS just a double of me! Everyone laughs. Later, Police Chief Piggy is talking to Liam as the police escort Anti-Liam into a patrol car. EXT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS. THE STREET OUTSIDE POLICE CHIEF PIGGY Okay. Let me get this straight. The army of people that look an awful lot like you were alternates from another dimension? And when the Justice Squad beat them up, you sent them back to the dimensions they came from using an interdimensional portal you rebuilt after The Cosmic Weasel and Dr. Wham shot it up. LIAM Yes. POLICE CHIEF PIGGY And this guy we're putting in the cruiser was the ringleader and he tried to kill you as well? LIAM Yep. POLICE CHIEF PIGGY So we brought all these paddy wagons down here for nothing. LIAM Basically. POLICE CHIEF PIGGY Screw it. Someone's gonna pay… Piggy looks at the Anti-Liam POLICE CHIEF PIGGY YOU, MY FRIEND… ARE GOING AWAY FOR A LONG, LONG TIME! YOU WILL BE TOSSING SALAD IN PRISON LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW! Piggy gets in the cruiser and they drive off very quickly. Liam shakes his head and goes over to Capeman and the Justice Squad and Justice Squad West Coast. LIAM Thanks again for coming to fight the Liam Army! CAPEMAN No problem, Liam. The Justice Squad is ready for any threat that comes our way! BLUE FAIRY WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS? WE DAMN NEAR GOT OUR BUTTS KICKED! CAPEMAN …Well it just depends on how you look at it. NIGHTFLYER Through the veil of denial and shame we've come to know you for? CAPEMAN That's the one! GREEN BULIMIC Well, I have to say this is great for our first team up! When will we do this again? ULTRAWOMAN Um… we'll get back to you guys on that. TOILET-MAN Hey. Has anyone seen Bikini Girl and Lingerie Lass? CAPTAIN SPAZ And for that matter… Anyone seen Cosmic Weasel and Dr. Wham? Right on cue, Cos, Doc, Bikini Girl and Lingerie Lass walk out. Cos and Doc's clothes are messed up, as are the girls' hair. Cos is smoking a cigarette. BIKINI GIRL So you'll call me? DR. WHAM Sure…… I'll call. Really. COLOSSAL CHUNK Smoking bad for Ephereal Gopher. COSMIC WEASEL So's half the stuff Lingerie Lass did to me! Whoo! ULTRAWOMAN On that note… Let's get out of here. The Justice Squad fly off, leaving Cos and Doc with the Justice Squad West Coast. COSMIC WEASEL So how are you guys getting back to your headquarters? Jet? Transporter? CHICKEN-PLUCKER My mini-van is parked around the corner. COSMIC WEASEL Ah. JOHNNY FLESH-WOUNDS I'm driving! The Justice Squad West Coast sigh and walk off. Cos and Doc shrug and walk back towards the building. COSMIC WEASEL So, you really going to call her? DR. WHAM Who? COSMIC WEASEL Guess that answers that question. Meanwhile, the police cruiser carrying The Anti-Liam is headed towards the precinct when a explosion blocks its path. The doors are then ripped off by an unseen force. The mysterious figure hovers over the car. EXT. THE STREETS OF LAS VEGAS. MYSTERY FIGURE Anti-Liam. I have use for your keen mind and burning hatred! Come with me and vengeance will be yours! ANTI-LIAM Oh, I'm in. I am VERY in. The Anti-Liam leaves with the Mystery Figure. POLICE CHIEF PIGGY Well, this can't be good! FADE OUT ROLL CREDITS Please Rate
"Crisis With Infinite Liams" Total crap! >> >> >> Supurb!

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