The Liam Smith Show
Episode 3.16 - "Secrets and Lies and Stuff"
Written by Jason Gaston

INT. A PHONE BOOTH We see an extreme close-up of the phone as a gloved hand picks up the receiver and dials the number. We hear heavy breathing. INT. THAD'S APARTMENT Thad is watching "Wolf Lake" and laughing his ass off. The phone rings, he turns down the TV, and answers the ring. THAD Hello? MENACING VOICE Hello, Thad. THAD Hello? MENACING VOICE I want you to know, that I know who you are and I know what you did! THAD Huh? MENACING VOICE I know who you are and I know what you did! Click! THAD Did you hang up? MENACING VOICE No, I just said "click". INT. A PHONE BOOTH The phone is hung up by the unknown person. INT. THAD'S APARTMENT Thad hangs up the phone and looks worried. THAD Oh, MONKEY POO! INT. A PHONE BOOTH The unknown person picks up the phone and dials another number. INT. GARY THE FANBOY'S APARTMENT GARY THE FANBOY is watching ENTERPRISE and taking notes. GARY Look at that! That's the second time Captain Archer's pinkie finger has changed position during a camera shift! Rest assured, Bakula, I will be expressing my outrage on the internet shortly! The phone rings. Gary picks it up. GARY Hello? MENACING VOICE I know who you are and I know what you did! GARY What!? MUSIC STING FADE OUT:

---

THEME SONG (Sung to "Smooth Criminal" by Alien Ant Farm)

Oh, It was this one day, that Liam rubbed me the wrong way,
It was one episode, and I didn't mean for it to overload!
But now it's in full swing. Ain't that just the damnedest thing?

Liam are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Liam?
Liam are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Liam?
Liam are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Liam?
Liam are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Liam?

Liam are you okay? With that werewolf, and your clown friend, Liam?
With a boss that wants to kill you, and Satan wanting to also, Liam?
Oh, there's only one explanation, for this sticky... situation, Liam!
You've been hit by... You've been struck by...
A hack writer!

Ole!

---

THE LIAM SMITH SHOW

Starring

Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"

Seann William Scott
as
"Thad Coffey"

Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"

and
John Rhys-Davies
as
Professor Arturo

Also Starring

Neal Patrick Harris
as
"Gary the Fanboy"

Redbook Woman of the Year, Jason Gaston
as
"Donner"

Leon Lai
as
"Kevin Riley"

RuPaul
as
"Chocolate Treat"

David Peckinpah
as
"Satan"

Marina Sirtis
as
"Senestra Malevolous"

and
Siegfried and Roy

Guest Starring

Alec Baldwin
as
"General Admission"

Billy Baldwin
as
"General Store"

Daniel Baldwin
as
"General Mills"

Adam Baldwin
as
"Corporal Punishment"

and
Stephen Baldwin
as
"Private Parts"

Special Guest Star

Jerry O'Connell

The Liam Smith Show was written by a live studio audience.

INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT Liam is busy organizing a stack of comic books when Thad barges in. THAD Liam! Liam! I'm in trouble! I need your... Hey, I didn't know you collected comics. Whatcha got? Spider-man? Superman? T-Force? LIAM It's Kari Wuhrer's new comic book, "JLA". THAD Justice League of America? LIAM The Jiggly Lasses Association. The first issue has them fighting DuPont over defective implants. They have to square off against a vicious silicone-powered super villain called Tit-Bag. Thad is looking through the stacks. THAD Wait a minute... These are all first issues! LIAM I wanted to make sure they sale well. What the heck? It's only money and I can skip a few luxuries like movies, eating, and electricity. Now, what do you need? THAD I got a phone call. Someone knows who I am and what I do. LIAM Thad, I know who you are and what you do. You're Thad Coffey and you're a handyman though, I've gotta admit not a very good one. Did you know that the clog in my shower has been there so long that it's gained intelligence and has launched starships to explore the linoleum? THAD Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what if someone found out... You know... The OTHER thing? LIAM What other thing? THAD You know! Thad uses his fingers to simulated large fangs and wolf ears. LIAM My... GOD! You're a mime! Liam grabs a nearby baseball bat. THAD A werewolf, Liam! What if someone's found out I'm a werewolf!? Liam looks at him for a second and then puts down the baseball bat. LIAM Thad... Isn't that common knowledge? THAD Well, it is to everyone in the apartments and to a few other people, but for the most part, I've kept my identity a secret. LIAM Why didn't I know this before now? THAD So you're not privy to every detail of my life? So sue me. LIAM Sorry. THAD Liam, what if someone's found out that I'm a werewolf... What if I've eaten a friend of theirs or something at some point or another, and now what if they're pissed! LIAM Don't panic, Thad, I'm sure there's a rational explanation for... Gary the Fanboy bursts in clutching a stuffed Chewbacca doll to his chest. GARY Liam! I need your help! LIAM Buh? GARY Someone called me and said, "I know who you are and I know what you did!" THAD You wet the bed again? GARY NO! The... OTHER thing! LIAM You liked Ghosts of Mars? GARY NO! The other OTHER thing! LIAM What? But what do you... Chocolate Treat bursts in through the door crushing Gary against the wall. CHOCOLATE TREAT Oh, Liam, honey! I need help! LIAM Your mascara is running. CHOCOLATE TREAT I know! Someone called me and said that they knew who I was and what I did! THAD Whu? What's YOUR secret? Everyone leans forward to hear. CHOCOLATE TREAT It all goes back to the time when I was in high school... RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO: EXT. A DARK ROAD A car zooms down the road haphazardly. INT. THE CAR A younger Chocolate Treat is making out in the back seat with her boyfriend, CRAIG. Two other teens, BOBBY and GRETTA sit in the front seat. BOBBY (whispers to Gretta) Good God, Craig is a brave man. GRETTA And he's soon to be scarred for life! BOBBY So the rumors are true? GRETTA What rumors? BOBBY Come on, surly you've heard that Chocolate Treat is a... Bobby whispers in Gretta's ear. GRETTA (shocked) Member of the pep squad? BOBBY Not so loud! You know how pep squad girls are? GRETTA Uh, Bobby? Shouldn't you be watching the road? BOBBY Don't worry, it's still there. WHAM! WHUMP! WHUMP! GRETTA Oh my God! CHOCOLATE TREAT What was that? BOBBY I think I just hit someone! CHOCOLATE TREAT You THINK!? BOBBY I guess I'd better back up and make for sure! Bobby puts the car in reverse. WHUMP! WHUMP! GRETTA Oh my GOD! You ran over that vagrant! BOBBY Let's get out of here! Bobby puts the car in drive. WHUMP! WHUMP! CHOCOLATE TREAT STOP THE CAR! We can't just leave him like that! GRETTA Chocolate Treat is right! It's not the right thing to do! Let's go back! CHOCOLATE TREAT Especially since our license plate number is imprinted on his forehead. Bobby puts the car in reverse. WHUMP! WHUMP! BOBBY All right, we'll dump him into the river. Gretta, you and Chocolate Treat clean the blood off the car. Craig, you help me get the body into the trunk. (a beat) Craig? Bobby looks back and sees Craig quivering in the corner sucking his thumb. RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO: INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT As before. Chocolate Treat is telling her story. CHOCOLATE TREAT We dumped the body and Craig into the river that night. The summer after that, Bobby was decapitated with a large hook and the last summer, Gretta was disembowelled with an ice cream scoop. I don't think that's relevant, though. LIAM So, someone knows what you did a few summers back? KEVIN RILEY bursts in. KEVIN Guys! You'll never believe this! I got... EVERYONE ...a phone call. KEVIN And he said... EVERYONE ...I know who you are and I know what you did. KEVIN How the hell did YOU know? LIAM Let's just say we're sensing a pattern. KEVIN Good God, guys! If anyone ever finds out what I did, I'd be ruined! LIAM What? So you sell make-up? Big deal! GARY Kevin sells MAKE-UP!? HA! HA! HA! Kevin bitch-slaps Gary shutting him up. GARY I'm sorry, sir. KEVIN No, not the make-up! I mean THIS! Kevin holds up a mattress tag that says "DO NOT REMOVE UNDER PENALTY OF LAW". Everyone gasps in shock. KEVIN It just hung there on the side of my mattress mocking me, so one day I took a pair of scissors and CUT IT OFF!!! NOW IT WILL NEVER LAUGH AT ME AGAIN! Kevin laughs maniacally. Everyone looks uncomfortable and finally everyone pushes Liam to Kevin's side. Liam carefully takes the scissors from him, and hands them to Gary who hands them to Thad, who hands them to Chocolate Treat who tosses them out of the window. We hear a cat shriek. KEVIN (to Chocolate Treat) Dear GOD woman! Your mascara is running! Kevin starts fixing Chocolate Treat's makeup. LIAM Okay, I understand that someone's called you all saying that they know all your secrets, but why do all of you always come to me in these kind of situations? I mean, it's not like I can help or care! Everyone is silent for a second. CHOCOLATE TREAT Good question! Let's go to the professor! THAD Yeah, the professor will help! They all stampede to the door, but it is blocked by DONNER. DONNER NO ONE is going ANYWHERE! This isn't going any farther than this room! THAD Huh? DONNER I'm not about to let my big secret become tabloid news just because a bunch of morons run around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off. (Donner stops and seems to mentally kick himself) You're ALL coming with me! LIAM Don't tell me that you got a phone call too! DONNER Well, if I don't tell you, Liam, how can I communicate the fact that I got a call saying "I know who you are and I know what you did?" Everyone gasps. DONNER Now, all of you are coming with me! Everyone stands there looking at each other, all unwilling to take orders from Donner. DONNER (sighs) I've got limos downstairs and they're all fully stocked. Everyone tramples out the door except for Donner and Liam. LIAM Tell me you have some idea who's behind this. DONNER If I told you that, Liam, I'd be lying. No, whoever could uncover our inner and hidden secrets is one diabolical bastard indeed. CUT TO: INT. A PHONE BOOTH The gloved hand dials a number. SEIGFRIED (over phone) Hallo, you've reached dee home of Seigfried... ROY (over phone) ...und Roy! Ve are not home right now... SEIGFRIED (over phone) ...but if chew leaf your name and number... ROY (over phone) ...ve vill get back to chew as soon as possible! SEIGFRIED (over phone) Vait for the sound of de kitty! There is a tiger roar and a beep. MENACING VOICE I know who you are and I know what you did! The gloved hand hangs up and the camera zooms back to reveal that it's BIPPO THE CLOWN. BIPPO And that's all there is to it! The camera zooms back more revealing ARTURO. ARTURO And... how exactly do you find out what these people are trying to hide? BIPPO That's the beauty of it, professor! I don't HAVE to know! Everyone has something to hide, be it a small case of shoplifting when they were nine or a tiny Vienna sausage in their pants. ARTURO Bippo, there are days when I think that you cannot possibly get any more immature and inconsiderate and then you go and surprise me. You, sir, are a degenerate... A cancer on society and a complete waste of oxygen and space. Bippo holds the phone to Arturo. BIPPO Wanna try? Arturo glares at him. INT. JERRY O'CONNELL'S HOME JERRY O'CONNELL is reading a script titled "TOMCATS II: THE LEGEND OF BUSEY'S GOLD" when the phone rings. JERRY O'CONNELL Hello? ARTURO (over phone) I know who you are and I know what you did! Click! JERRY O'CONNELL Did you hang up? ARTURO (over phone) No, I just said "click!" He hangs up. JERRY O'CONNELL Oh, God! Someone's found out! You two get out of here! The camera pans over to reveal Siegfried and Roy. SEIGFRIED But chew said chew loved us! ROY I even had his and his and his towels made! INT. HELL SATAN and SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS are having a picnic in the firepits. In the background, we see various demons torturing people. SATAN Is there something wrong, my little funk pillow? SENESTRA It's nothing you need concern yourself with, my mighty love pump. SATAN Oh, come now. Spit it out. They say that honesty is the main ingredient in a healthy relationship. Senestra and Satan laugh at the irony. SENESTRA Oh, Luficer... I just get the feeling that our other associates in the Quadrangle don't like me very much. SATAN What makes you say that? Senestra looks over to KATHY KILTER and SCRAPPY DOO who are standing nearby burning Senestra in effigy. SENESTRA Just a hunch. SATAN Nevermind them, my little tap ass, you've burrowed your way into my heart the way a maggot eats into a partially decomposed eyeball. Senestra is about to take a bite of lasangna, when she changes her mind and puts her fork down. SENESTRA So, what is the primary purpose of the Quadrangle, anyway? I mean, you ARE Satan and I doubt there's anything you couldn't have done without me that you can do with me. SATAN Sex. SENESTRA Besides that. SATAN In time, fair Senestra, I will reveal to you that the purpose of the Quadrangle is the total re creation of the universe. A beat. SATAN Oops. SENESTRA Did you say the RE-creation of the universe? What does that mean? SATAN It means undoing everything that... Satan looks around and then secretively points up. SATAN (whispers) ...he... (normal) ...has created in HIS image and re creating it in mine. SENESTRA Really? I'm skeptical. I mean, I've skimmed through the bible a couple of times and I got the impression that... (points up, whispers) ...he... (normal) ...kicked your red goat booty. SATAN Uh... Yeah. SENESTRA I mean, let's face it. As far as power goes, you're his woman! SATAN Yeah, but... SENESTRA You try to go up against someone like that, it'd be Tyson verses Spinks all over again! SATAN I'm not going to fight... (whispers, points up) ...him. (normal) I'm simply going to help bring about the end times. SENESTRA Huh? SATAN My dear, I've got something very special coming for a visit. Something that will allow me to re create the universe in MY image! While you-know-who is up in the clouds tending to the good and the righteous, I will snatch the universe from under his nose and make it mine forever! SENESTRA Cool... So, who's coming? SATAN His name is Worldkiller. That brings up WHY I need you, my dear. I cannot BEAR to be in the same room with Worldkiller for too long. SENESTRA What? But you're SATAN! The master of evil! SATAN I have my reasons and they're not what you think they are, I assure you. I need a liason between myself and Worldkiller. Running the wasteland of the damned is a full time job, you know and I cannot afford the time to meet with him as much as he wants. I want YOU to be that liason. SENESTRA So... When is it getting here? SATAN Soon, my luscious love chasm. Soon. EXT. THE MGM GRAND The limos pull up and Donner, Liam, Thad, Chocolate Treat, Gary, and Kevin get out. Liam looks at the top of the building which has been totally destroyed. LIAM Wow! They still haven't fixed your condo from when Quasar leveled it? DONNER Naw, there's a bunch of Bureaucratic red tape and people whining that my maid and butler are still trapped in the wreckage. Those lazy bastards. Donner leads them inside. INT. THE MGM GRAND LOBBY Donner leads the gang through the crowded lobby. DONNER What I'm about to show you all must be kept secret, understand? Donner walks over to a statue of Dorothy from the wizard of Oz in a secluded part of the lobby. He puts his hand on her breast and twists it like a combination lock. Nearby, a hidden door opens. DONNER Hurry get through the door before someone... OLD WOMAN Excuse me. DONNER Gah! OLD WOMAN What is that door you just opened? DONNER Broom closet. OLD WOMAN It doesn't look like a broom closet. Look more like the front door of a hidden top secret government facility. Donner glares at her for a moment as the last of the gang goes through the open door. Donner finally gets out a pocket watch and begins swinging it in front of the old woman's eyes. DONNER Focus on the watch... Focus on my voice... See the watch, ma'am? Do you see the watch? Donner hands the watch to her. DONNER I'll give this to you if you leave. OLD WOMAN All right, then. The old woman leaves. Donner runs into the door and shuts it behind him. INT. THE TOP SECRET GOVERNMENT FACILITY Liam, Thad, Kevin, Chocolate Treat, and Gary stand in awe of the room. Everywhere, robots are assembling fighters jets and other military aircraft. LIAM WOW! THAD I guess we know what Donner's secret is. Donner catches up to them. CHOCOLATE TREAT Donnie, honey, what the hell IS all this? DONNER I've been making jets for the military the last couple of months. Cool, huh? Five uniformed officers march up to Donner. DONNER Oh. Guys, these are the government liaisons. General Mills, General Store, General Admission, Corporal Punishment, and Private Parts. GENERAL MILLS What are these people doing here? DONNER Relax, I'm just giving them a tour! GENERAL STORE We've warned you about bring people in for the purpose of impressing them and getting laid! DONNER Don't have a fit! These people are on the level! Laid? Damn... I should have brought that Stacy chick! LIAM Dude, that's my sister! DONNER Yeah, and hopefully the genes for retardation skipped her in your family. GENERAL ADMISSION (to Donner) Even though you've agreed to house this project in your hotel, you still must understand that this isn't your little playground! CORPORAL PUNISHMENT The American Armed Forces is a highly tuned machine and we can't tolerate your tendencies here, son! The camera pans over to Private Parts. He has a Banana poking out of his ear. PRIVATE PARTS There's a reason I have a banana in my ear. I'm trying to lure the monkey out of my head! Everyone looks at Private Parts and then turn back to the conversation. DONNER Will you guys cut me some slack! We're not here to ogle at the jets! We're just here to use the phone tracking system and missile platforms! GENERAL ADMISSION Oh. Well, that's different. Would you like some coffee? DONNER No thanks. KEVIN I'll take a decaf. CHOCOLATE TREAT Got espresso? PRIVATE PARTS The peanut is neither a pea nor is it a nut! Everyone looks at Private Parts. DONNER Come on, guys. Let's find out who is behind this depraved game! Liam, Donner, Chocolate Treat, Kevin, and Gary walk down the hall. PRIVATE PARTS Oh, wait... It is a nut. INT. THE MILITARY PHONE TRACKING SYSTEM The room looks like the bridge of the Enterprise as Liam and the gang enters. THAD Wow, look at all the pretty buttons! DONNER Now, all we have to do is wait for the bastard to call us again and we'll shove half a dozen intercontinental ballistic missiles down his throat! The phone rings. KEVIN Talk about timing. Donner's hands fly over the controls. He presses a big button and then picks up the phone. COMPUTER VOICE Missiles fired. DONNER HA! WE'VE GOT YOU NOW!!! EAT THE FINEST IN MILITARY BOOM RODS!!! HA HA HA!!! Donner hangs up. KEVIN Good going, Donner, you sure showed him. DONNER Thank you. Now, would you guys like to see something really cool? Donner goes to a wall and opens another secret door. The room is totally dark. Donner goes inside and, after a couple of seconds, the lights come on. Donner is straddling the nose of a highly sophisticated helicopter. DONNER Cool, huh? CHOCOLATE TREAT Donner! There's a large multi billion dollar war weapon between your legs! DONNER Yeah, there's a helicopter there too. LIAM What is it? Donner hops down. DONNER This is the thing that's going to put me back on top of the Fortune 500 again! This is the Ballistic Intercontinental Targeting Computerized Helicopter. B.I.T.C.H. For short. THAD Why do they call it B.I.T.C.H.? DONNER Well, imagine you're Osama Bin Laden and you hear that America is sending a B.I.T.C.H. Squad loaded with bombs. THAD I see. DONNER This is the prototype for all air force war choppers for the next fifty years! It's packed with artificial intelligence drives, smart bombs... Hell, this sucker could take over a small country all by itself! GARY But why are you showing us this? Is this just another hollow attempt to impress people who are generally unimpressed with your playboy attitude and wealth? DONNER Hmmm... Perhaps you have a good point, but here's another one. Donner stomps Gary's foot. Gary jumps up and down holding his foot in pain. GENERAL MILLS, GENERAL STORE, GENERAL ADMISSION, CORPORAL PUNISHMENT, and PRIVATE PARTS enter. GENERAL ADMISSION Mister Donner, I just got a very disturbing call from my mother. She said something about you telling her to eat your boom rod? Donner stops. DONNER Uh... I have no idea what you're talking about, but on a completely unrelated topic, you may want to call her immediately and tell her to get out of her house in about thirty seconds. GENERAL ADMISSION I... DONNER Don't ask questions, man! MOVE! General Admission jumps, flips out his cell phone, and dials as he runs to the next room. GENERAL MILLS Good news, Mister Donner, the military is going to buy your B.I.T.C.H. DONNER They are? GENERAL MILLS In fact, we want to order 100,000 of them for our invasion of Cuba. (to Liam and others) You guys didn't hear that from me. DONNER One hundred thousand at a billion dollars each? BABY! I'M A TRILLIONARE!!! SUCK ON THIS, CAPEMAN!!! I'M BACK! Donner rips an electronic eavesdropping device from the wall. DONNER YOU HEAR THAT LOCKHEAD MARTIN? I'M THE NEW MILITARY SUPPLIER AND YOU CAN GET A SPOON AND EAT MY ASS!!! ELECTRONIC DEVICE Dick. LIAM Well, congratulations, Donner. I'm sure that you will put your money to good use not feeding the hungry and not housing the homeless. I guess now the mysterious caller can't use your secret aircraft construction hanger to blackmail you anymore. DONNER (blank look) Huh? LIAM The secret compound? You know, you're big secret that the phantom caller was blackmailing you with? DONNER Huh? NO! That wasn't my big secret. I thought he found out I was from Texas. (slaps hand over mouth) Oops. GARY YOU'RE from Texas!? DONNER Poop. GARY That's so COOL! DONNER Huh? GARY Brent Spiner's from Houston! DONNER Oh, God. THAD Guys? CHOCOLATE TREAT Honey, I've got relatives in Austin. You've got nothing to be ashamed of. THAD Uh, guys? PRIVATE PARTS Dolphins are the chicken of the seas, but I think that chicken will always be the chicken of the land. THAD GUYS! LIAM What, Thad? THAD Is there any particular reason Kevin is prepping the B.I.T.C.H. For takeoff? Everyone turns around. Sure enough, Kevin has started the B.I.T.C.H. engines and is about to take off. DONNER NO! What's he doing with my BABY!? Kevin smiles, waves good-bye, and - with a hearty laugh - takes off crashing through the ceiling and flying off into the blue sky. LIAM Could someone explain to me what the hell just happened? GENERAL STORE I remember that face now! LIAM Who's? Kevin's? GENERAL STORE Yes... Kevin Riley. He's on the top of the militaries top secret top ten list! LIAM The what? GENERAL STORE He's a spy for China. DONNER NO! HE CAN'T TAKE MY BABY TO CHINA! LIAM You mean to tell me that I've known a famous Chinese spy for over two years now and no one in the military thought to inform any of us? CORPORAL PUNISHMENT The military's top ten list is top secret. GENERAL MILLS That's why no one recognized him until he stole the helicopter. PRIVATE PARTS Well, he's not going to steal the silverware. I glued THAT to the ceiling! Everyone looks up. The ceiling is covered with forks, spoons, knives, ladles, and other silverware. There is also a small Chihuahua with his feet glued to the ceiling barking at them. LIAM All right... I understand the silverware, but why the dog? PRIVATE PARTS YOU understand the silverware? (silently to others) He's CRAZY! Donner is weeping, looking up at the hole in the ceiling. GENERAL STORE (to Donner) I think our business here is done. Mister Donner, the next time you feel like selling aerial weapons to the military, do us all a favor and shoot yourself. CHOCOLATE TREAT Wow... Burn. THAD Huh huh... He's from Texas. DONNER SHUT UP! THAD Okay, partner! FADE TO: INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT - DAYS LATER Liam, Thad, GARY, DONNER, and CHOCOLATE TREAT are watching the news. TV Our top story tonight, India has now fallen to the Chinese and their swarm of seemingly unstoppable B.I.T.C.. India has now joined Japan, Taiwan, and most of Eastern Russia in being China's latest woman. Liam shuts the TV off. LIAM I guess all the warning signs were there. I mean, a guy that sells make-up? What kind of a profession is that? CHOCOLATE TREAT That and that compact he sold me last week that kept shouting at me in Chinese. He paid two thousand bucks to get it back. GARY And then, there was all those times we were talking politics with him and he kept saying, "Well, when China runs things...". THAD And when Mao Sai Dung died and he wore black for a month? LIAM And then that one time we got him really drunk and he admitted to being a spy? DONNER My head hurts. I'm going to go see if whatever's left of my tattered reputation can be salvaged. By the way... You all suck. THAD Happy trails, cowpoke. DONNER Eat my ass, Snoop Dog. Donner leaves. THAD I'm going to start learning how to say "welcome and blessings to our gloried conquerors" in Chinese. CHOCOLATE TREAT Good idea. We're coming with you! Gary, Chocolate Treat, and Thad leaves. LIAM I guess I'd better put a call into Capeman and the Justice Squad and see if they can bust a few Chinese heads. Liam reaches for the phone, but it rings before he can pick up the receiver. He sighs and picks it up. LIAM Hello? MENACING VOICE I know who you are and I know what you did! LIAM Oh yeah? Well, I know who YOU are and I know what YOU did! MENACING VOICE Y-You do? LIAM I do and if you don't stop making these phone calls, I'll tell EVERYONE! Click. MENACING VOICE Did you hang up? LIAM No, I just said "click". Liam hangs up and smiles he looks down at his watch. LIAM Three... Two... One... Bippo bursts in. BIPPO LIAM! YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME! FADE OUT: THE END Please Rate
"Secrets and Lies and Stuff" Total crap! >> >> >> Supurb!

Results