The Liam Smith Show
Episode 3.18 - "Nativity"
Written by Jason Gaston

INT. THE GERALD R. FORD CLINIC FOR THE MENTALLY RETARDED - 1979 DRAKE DANIELS enters LIAM'S cell. It looks like the doctor hasn't slept for a week. His hair is messed up, his clothes are wrinkled, and there are large bags under his eyes. LIAM Wow, dad... I mean, doctor. Where've you been the last couple of days? DRAKE I want you to play level with me. LIAM Level? What is that? Is that like Jenga? Perhaps we could play Jenga while drinking Snapple? DRAKE Jenga? Snapple? More of those nonsense words you keep throwing around! (a beat) Liam, or whatever the hell your name is... I want you to be frank. LIAM All right, but I've gotten so used to calling myself 'Liam'. Drake buries his head in his hands. He can't believe that he's talking to someone so stupid. LIAM I get it! You want me to show you my famous Sinatra impression! (singing) A FOGGY DAY... IIIIIINNNNNN LONDON TOWWWWWWWWWN! DRAKE (snaps) DAMMIT, LISTEN TO ME YOU INCOMPETENT MORON! TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT THE ASSASSINS! LIAM Oh, well... Why didn't you just come out and say that? I mean, all this techno-psychobabble and psychopathic double talk you keep throwing around gets me all confused and... DRAKE TALK! LIAM GAH! All right, you want to know everything I know about the assassins? DRAKE YES! LIAM All right... (a blank look) They... Assassinate people. DRAKE And? LIAM And it's almost always against the law. DRAKE I need details, Liam. LIAM Er... I'm not exactly sure you want to know this, but... DRAKE What? What? LIAM That's all I know. DRAKE WHAT!? LIAM All I got from Mom in the future was that you guys were hunted by assassins until you gave me up to the orphanage! Drake picks up Liam by the collar. DRAKE Listen to me, you stupid, crazy, retarded, half-witted, dickhead... LIAM Language! DRAKE SHUT UP! LIAM Eep. DRAKE My family and I have been staying in motels all over the state for the last week trying to stay ahead of these psychos who are trying to kill us. I came back here on the off chance that YOU might know who they are and, despite the fact that you DID warn me ahead of time that these... assassins were coming, NOW you can't tell me anything about them? LIAM I don't KNOW anything about them! I just know that they came after us and... Drake slams Liam up against the padded wall of the cell. DRAKE There IS no US! There is MY family... MY life and then there's YOU! Locked up in this cell for the rest of your life, you psycho! Drake lets go and Liam drops to the floor. DRAKE The funny thing is... I almost considered the possibility that you are my son from the future and that makes me think I'm almost as crazy as YOU are. He starts to the door. DRAKE You're not my son and nothing will ever convince me otherwise. Liam is sitting on the floor and looks completely crestfallen. As Drake opens the door to go, Liam begins to sadly hum a song... It's the Oscar Meyer Weiner song. Drake stops in the open doorway and listens for a second. A thought comes to him and into the room he sings... DRAKE (sings) My baby has a first name... LIAM (singing) It's L-I-A-M. Drake re-enters the room, shutting the door behind him. He is obviously intrigued. DRAKE (sings) My baby has a last name... LIAM (sings) It's L-I-A-M. Drake takes a breath in astonishment. Liam looks up at him and smiles. Drake shakes his head in shock and then backs out the door. ------- THEME SEQUENCE (Parody of "Charlie's Angels") Once upon a time, there were a lot of different weird people who led a lot of different weird lives, but they all have one thing in common. They're strange, they all live in the same apartments, and they all work for me. And my name ain't Charlie. (Cut to a dozen different actions scenes with Liam, Bippo, and Thad. They each do a karate move and freeze as fire explodes in the background and the words "THE LIAM SMITH SHOW" come up in "Charlie's Angels" style. In parentheses, OLE! pops up.) ------- The Liam Smith Show is brought to you in stereo text and is similcast in HDTV (Hideously Dumb Television) INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT - 2001 In the bare apartment, ARTURO is taking readings with the cronocorder as STACY, OLD LIAM, and MISTER HILTER look on. ARTURO I hope I'm doing this right. OLD LIAM Don't worry, professor, I have nothing but confidence in you. (a beat) God, it's been another lifetime since I was in this room. MISTER HILTER It was another lifetime, son. OLD LIAM You don't have to remind me, sir. Arturo scans more of the room. Stacy walks over and looks over his shoulder. ARTURO I... Don't mean to pry, my dear, but the scar on your face... How did? STACY I... It was a car accident when I was young. Why? Is the Stacy of your timeline not scarred like I am? ARTURO No, she's not. STACY I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. ARTURO Why is that? OLD LIAM Because it was a car accident that killed the younger me, professor. STACY (crisp) AND my father. OLD LIAM And... OUR father. ARTURO Explain. OLD LIAM Well, I had to surmise a lot of it myself, after all... I wasn't actually there... But my family was on the run from someone... A lot of someones... My father got into a fight with someone in the car they went off a cliff and the car exploded... Stacy and our mother got out while our father and my younger self didn't. The cronocorder begins to beep. ARTURO We've got a lock! There's a degraded time tunnel to June 27th, 1979! OLD LIAM Yeah, that's the day I arrived in the past. The grinning Arturo turns to say something to him, but his grin disappears and he snaps the cronocorder shut. ARTURO Why... The HELL didn't you tell me before I spent the last hour scanning this room? OLD LIAM You didn't ask. ARTURO You BLISTERING IDIOT! OLD LIAM I've missed that so much. A door of light appears. TEMPUS and THAD step out. THAD Hey, hey professor A. (sees Hilter) GAH! IT'S THE GHOST OF MISTER HILTER COME TO EXACT HIS REVENGE ON ME!!! HAVE MERCY!!! MISTER HILTER What? TEMPUS Thad, get up and stop blubbering. We're in an alternate timeline where the... Ahem... Unforunateness between you and Mister Hilter never happened. MISTER HILTER Huh? THAD Oh, that's a relief. For a second there, I thought he was going to haunt me for eating him. MISTER HILTER Come again? TEMPUS Thad, maybe you should shut up. MISTER HILTER I think he should keep talking. All this time, we've been trying to help you restore a timeline we know next to nothing about. What do you mean I'm... Eaten in this alternate reality? ARTURO Er, it's nothing. Nothing at all, just a joke. THAD Yeah, and believe me... I really wasn't myself when I tore you limb from limb and devoured you. ARTURO Thad... SHUT UP!!! MISTER HILTER I think I've heard enough. OLD LIAM Mister Hilter, you don't know what's at stake! MISTER HILTER You're right, I don't, and that's precisely why you're not going anywhere. Mister Hilter takes out a large shotgun and trains it on the gang. MISTER HILTER Stacy, honey, take their time travel crap. Stacy begins taking the professor's cronocorder and Tempus' watch. OLD LIAM Stacy, don't do this. STACY Sorry, Liam... But who's to say your timeline is any better than this one? INT. TEMPUS' PLACE On the holographic display, STACY is watching everything happen. STACY Tempus, do you need my help? INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT As before. TEMPUS No, you stay there. (a beat) No, trust me. MISTER HILTER Who are you talking to? TEMPUS A friend in a pocket of space-time 1/40th of a picosecond out of phase with normal time. Stacy and Hilter stare blankly. MISTER HILTER 'Kay. EXT. A ROAD - 1979 A lone car speeds down the darkened road as the full moon shines overhead. INT. THE CAR DRAKE is driving. HOLLY is sitting up front as BABY LIAM and YOUNG STACY sit in the back. HOLLY Where did you go earlier today? DRAKE No where. Just following a hunch. HOLLY It was that patient of yours, wasn't it? DRAKE I don't want to talk about it. HOLLY He knew the assassins were coming, Drake. He knew. DRAKE I'm not going to even entertain the notion anymore, Holly. I'm just going to keep driving until we get to Mexico. HOLLY And then what? Uproot and keep driving every time we see someone prowling around in the bushes? That's not the life I want for myself and that definitely not the life I want for my children. DRAKE Then what do you suggest? We've been to the police and they couldn't do a thing! I swear, that officer Piggy reeked of ketchup and maple syrup anyway. What good is he or anyone else going to do? HOLLY I'm not talking about the police, Drake. Drake looks at her in a mixture of disbelief and disgust. DRAKE You mean that crazy asshole? YOUNG STACY (teasing) Daddy said a bad word! HOLLY Why not? DRAKE Why not? I could spend hours telling you 'why not'! Holly gives him a disapproving look. DRAKE Don't give me that disapproving look. Baby, there's no such thing as time travel, killer clowns, or the devil. I believe in science I believe in... HOLLY You believe in a better world for your children, Drake, and running isn't it. If there's a chance you can stop whoever or whatever this is - even if it means believing the psychotic ramblings of some patient in your care - I think that's something you should do. Drake looks at her, then back at his children in the backseat. He looks down the road and knows that he's been beaten. DRAKE I know I'm going to regret this. EXT. A ROAD The car crosses the median making a U-turn and heads back to Las Vegas. INT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS LOBBY - 2001 Arturo, Tempus, and Thad are in the middle of the room surrounded by Stacy, Hilter, Gary, Elvis, Doris, Chocolate Treat, Bippo, and Thad (hereon called Alt-Thad) ALT-THAD (regarding Thad) Well, he sort of looks like me if were fifteen years younger, but I... THAD Ten years. ALT-THAD What? THAD I'm ten years younger. TEMPUS Thad, you've all ready mucked things up enough by revealing too much about ourselves. Can't you just shut the hell up now? MISTER HILTER I've all ready told you, future boy, you tell me everything about this alternate timeline you're trying to save. We already know that I'm eighty-sixed in it, but what about everyone else? ARTURO You can't ask us to judge one time against another, my dear sir! The fact is, our timeline was here first! MISTER HILTER Not from where we're sitting. STACY What happens to us if you go back to the past and 'correct things'? Do we just vanish like we never existed? TEMPUS No, don't be silly. Time is a little more fluid than that. You'll become a part of hypertime. ELVIS And what does that mean? TEMPUS Well, you'll become part of the endless offshoots of the river of time. For example, let's say that I decided to have bacon for breakfast today... Well, there are millions of offshoot timelines that occur where I chose to have cereal, or waffles, or pancakes, or even nothing at all! What if I decide to have hash browns on the side instead of links or a glass of Orange juice instead of milk? WHat if I think the prize in the box of Frosted Flakes is better than the prize in the box of Crunch Berries? What if I want some of those yummy corn dog things that are made out of blueberry pancakes and sausage instead of batter and franks? Well, to make a long story short... EVERYONE Too late. TEMPUS Quadrillions upon quadrillions of alternate timelines are created every nanosecond from the endless decisions we make everyday. Us going to the past to correct a mistake has nothing to do with wiping out your timeline, but it has everything to do with getting ourselves home. DORIS How can we trust you? TEMPUS Well, I would say you could ask the professor since he's been traveling through these alternate universes for the past four years, but since that's an option I'm sure you're not going to go for, all I can say is... Stacy, NOW! STACY What? ZOOP! Tempus' watch leaps out of Mister Hilter's hands and the timesuit envelopes Tempus. ARTURO What the devil!? OLD LIAM Don't ask questions, professor! Run like HELL! MISTER HILTER DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY! BIPPO At last, my time has come. Bippo leaps out in front of Old Liam and the professor and takes out a pair of hatchets. BIPPO I saw this once on Johnny Carson and it was hysterical Don't... Move! Bippo throws the hatchets and they bury themselves in the wall between Old Liam and the professor's legs. OLD LIAM GAH! ARTURO Mama! DORIS Good shot. BIPPO (disappointed) Yeah, but I was aiming for their heads. Old Liam leaps from the wall and grabs Thad. OLD LIAM EVERYBODY GET BACK! I've got a werewolf and I'm not afraid to use it! I'M A MAN ON THE EDGE! THAD Uh, Liam? I'm over here. You've got the other me. ALT-THAD Grarrrrrrr... OLD LIAM Oh, monkey bits! Alt-Thad changes into the werewolf and is about to eat Old Liam when Thad leaps into the picture and, transforming into the werewolf, knocks alt-werewolf off of him. ALT-THAD/WEREWOLF Grrrrr... SNAP! Grrrrr... ARF! THAD/WEREWOLF God, quite the conversationalist aren't you? (to Old Liam) Did you see, Liam? Did you see me zing the alternate killer werewolf me? OLD LIAM Uh, Thad? Eyes front. KER-WHAM!!! Alt-Thad/Werewolf knocks the hell out of Thad/Werewolf sending him tumbling into Bippo and Chocolate Treat who were threatening the professor. ARTURO All this time, we thought that Thad gained an advantage by keeping his mind while in werewolf form. How wrong we were. The Alt-Thad/Werewolf leaps at the professor, but is stopped in midair by a forcefield. The camera pans over to reveal Tempus in his timesuit. TEMPUS Relax, wolf-boy. I think reverting you to a non shaggy state would be the best for all concerned. Tempus shots alt-Thad/Werewolf with a beam, turning him back into alt-Thad. OLD LIAM What'd you do to him? TEMPUS I regressed his body to ten minutes ago. He should be thankful. I could have made him go through puberty in reverse. All the men in the room shutter. TEMPUS Now, let's get out of here. MISTER HILTER NO! We can't let them get away! THAD/WEREWOLF Yeah, let's get out of here before they call Capeman or something! Tempus opens the light door and everyone goes inside. Tempus remains. TEMPUS I was telling the truth when I said your universe would be unaffected, Mister Hilter. Peace and long life. BIPPO And live long and prosper to you too, ya freak job. Tempus reacts in confusion and leaps into the doorway. STACY One question. GARY ONE question? STACY Who the hell is Capeman? Everyone looks at each other and shrugs. DORIS Better question. Where'd Thad go? ELVIS Chocolate Treat dragged his naked body back to her place. MISTER HILTER I'm gonna miss that boy. INT. TEMPUS' PLACE Tempus, Arturo, Old Liam, and Thad enter the control area where Stacy is at the holographic display. TEMPUS Good job, Stacy. THAD "Good job Stacy?" I was the one who took out two of our attackers... I think. TEMPUS Stacy was in constant contact with me via a communicator I have implanted in my inner ear. She learned the controls to the timesuit and activated it by remote control. STACY Well, don't gush too much. These controls are so simple, a child could use them. TEMPUS (smirk) Children do. (to others) All right, I've got enough power to send three people to 1979 and it's not a sure shot either, we may arrive anywhere from a year before or after Liam arrived... If we arrive at all. Liam, you have to come but I can't ask any of you to come with me, but if you want to volunteer... ARTURO I'll go. STACY No, I will. ARTURO Stacy... STACY Don't try to protect me, professor, this is my family we're talking about and I'm through sitting on the sidelines. Tempus nods to her. He's obviously grown a new respect for her. TEMPUS Professor, Thad... If we're not back in exactly one second, there's a spare timesuit in the storeroom. It's not charged and I'm not sure if it'll accept 21st century energy like my S.U.I.T. does, but if you can find a way... ARTURO We'll come after you. TEMPUS Forget us. Fix the timeline no matter what, understood? ARTURO Understood. Tempus gathers Old Liam and Stacy around him. TEMPUS See you in a second. THAD Ah... AHHHHHHHHH.... There is a bright flash and we are instantly taken to: EXT. THE GERALD R. FORD CLINIC FOR THE MENTALLY RETARDED - 1979 Holly, Young Stacy, and Baby Liam are sitting in the car out front. INT. THE GERALD R. FORD CLINIC FOR THE MENTALLY RETARDED Drake Daniels and Liam are walking down the hall. LIAM Well, thanks for springing me, pops. Those padded cells are awfully irritating to my allergies. No, give me a hypo-allerginic plastic sealed mattress anyday. DRAKE Shut up, Liam or whatever the hell your name is. I'm getting you out of here so you can help me and my family. LIAM Oh, hey... I'm at your service. Anything to get out of this place. INT. THE CAR Holly and the kids are sitting quietly when, all of the sudden, a man in black appears and breaks through the window with his fist. He grabs Holly and slams her head against the steering wheel knocking her unconscious. He shoves her body into the passenger seat and takes the driver's position. He turns to face the children, removing his sunglasses revealing a pair of blood red eyes. INCUBUS Hi kids, name's Incubus. How ya doin'? Young Stacy shrinks into the floorboard. INCUBUS Aw, don't be scared little girl. You might actually live through this, but as for this crying poop machine here... Well, I've got orders to exterminate him from a high position. Well, I guess I should say a low position if you catch my drift. (an evil smile) What's say we go for a little ride? Incubus puts the car in drive and begins to drive off. EXT. THE GERALD R. FORD CLINIC FOR THE MENTALLY RETARDED Liam and Drake are exiting the building. DRAKE ...and for the last time, STOP calling me dad! LIAM But, what about...? DRAKE And that includes "pop", "daddy", "father", and... LIAM Actually, I was going to ask about that guy driving away with your car. DRAKE What? Drake sees the car driving out of the parking lot. DRAKE HEY! Drake takes off after the car. INT. THE CAR Incubus is driving and laughing at Drake who is running after him. He then looks ahead and sees something that concerns him. EXT. THE PARKING LOT Old Liam, Stacy, and Tempus are standing in front of the car. TEMPUS It's not going to stop. OLD LIAM It'll stop! TEMPUS It's not going to stop, Liam! OLD LIAM It'll stop! INT. THE CAR Incubus smirks and steps on the gas. EXT. THE PARKING LOT TEMPUS & STACY He's not going to stop! OLD LIAM All right, you convinced me! They leap out of the way as the car barrels through. Tempus rolls and then leaps to his feet. TEMPUS S.U.I.T., Give me a level ten capture beam. S.U.I.T. Unable to comply. Power levels are too low and I'm feeling depressed. I got the blues so bad. They watch the car peel away as Liam and Drake catch up. DRAKE What's going on! Who are you people!? Stacy recognizes Drake, but doesn't say anything. LIAM GUYS! TEMPUS Liam! LIAM Dad... I mean, Drake, these are my friends from the future! This is Tempus, Stacy, and... (re: Older Liam) ...some old smelly guy. (to Tempus) Where'd you dig this looser up from? TEMPUS Uh... DRAKE Whoa, whoa, whoa... Stacy? You mean my Stacy all grown up? Bull. STACY What's a matter, Doctor Daniels? Still not giving people the benefit of the 'dirt'? Drake looks at her in amazement. OLD LIAM We don't have a lot of time! Whoever that was that just took my family is going to drive them off a cliff in less than ten minutes. STACY But in the alternate timeline, it was Drake who was in the car. TEMPUS Could it be that all ready, we're making changes in the timeline? OLD LIAM No, this is almost exactly as I remember it with the exception of you guys being here. (to Drake) Dad, there's a car in parking spot 11-B that still has the keys in the ignition. Go get it and don't ask questions. Drake nods and takes off. LIAM You guys came after me? That's so sweet. TEMPUS We came after you because you're an ignorant dickhead and you messed up the timeline! LIAM Still, it's sweet of you. Who's the old smelly dude? OLD LIAM I'm you, twenty years in the future. A beat. LIAM No, I'm me twenty years in the future. OLD LIAM You don't understand, I had to live the last twenty years from 1979 to 2001. LIAM So did I. That would mean I'm me from twenty years in the future. OLD LIAM But I'm you too from twenty years in the future. LIAM But you're at least forty, so that would make you forty years in the future. OLD LIAM You don't understand, I lived through the eighties twice. LIAM Twice? OLD LIAM In destitution. LIAM But why didn't you invest in Microsoft or Casio or Pfiser? You could have made billions! OLD LIAM Because I... (a beat, it's obvious that Old Liam never thought of doing that) Shut up! STACY Well, this is a first... Liam's own stupidity driving himself crazy. Drake pulls up in a 1969 Mustang. LIAM WHOA! Now THAT's what I'm talking about! DRAKE Get in! Everyone piles into the car and they drive off. INT. THE MUSTANG Everyone is crammed in the car. Old Liam and Drake sit up front. OLD LIAM Turn left here and step on it. They're heading for the cliff near the Baker bridge. He's going to send the car over and make it look like an accident. DRAKE How do you know this? Are you from the future too? OLD LIAM Yeah, I was here twenty years ago and failed you. I'm not going to do that again. STACY So you're saying you have a plan? OLD LIAM Seeing this night over and over again every time I shut my eyes? Spending the last twenty years thinking about what I could have and should have done? (a smirk) Of course I have a plan. TEMPUS Wow, Liam... Old you is a lot cooler than the you-you. LIAM (pouts) He's not that cool. EXT. THE ROAD The mustang zooms down the road. INT. THE MUSTANG Through the windshield, we see the lights of a car ahead. OLD LIAM There he is. DRAKE S-So what happened the last time you did this? OLD LIAM You gave me the wheel and you jumped to the other car. You and the driver fought but car trouble prevented me from coming to your aid. When I got to the cliff, the car had gone over. STACY What can we do then? OLD LIAM We've only got a minute or two until the car breaks down. Liam, dad, and I will jump on the car and the three of us will incapacitate the driver. STACY That's crazy! The car begins to make knocking noises. OLD LIAM Maybe, Stacy, but it's not open for debate! INT. THE CAR Incubus is driving looking quite pleased with himself when a Mustang pulls up next to him. Liam, Old Liam, and Drake preparing to leap out. INCUBUS Hey, nice car! That got all it's original parts? What about the paint job, is it...? Wait a minute, what are you guys doing? That looks dangerous! EXT. THE ROAD The two cars are zooming down the road. Old Liam, Liam, and Drake jump onto the Daniel's car. Liam slips, but Drake catches him pulling him back onto the car. Drake slips into the cab. INT. THE CAR Incubus is swerving back and forth trying to loose his uninvited passengers when Drake's foot lashes across his face. DRAKE (sees Holly) Did you hit my wife? POW! Drake punches Incubus in the face. INT. THE MUSTANG Stacy is driving. TEMPUS Try to keep up, Stacy! I could get out and run faster than this! The engine dies. STACY Then don't let me stop you. TEMPUS I guess it's all up to them. STACY (sighs) Good luck Liam... (beat) Good luck, dad. EXT. THE CAR The vehicle zooms madly down the road as both Liams hang on. LIAM GAH! WHAT DO WE DO!? WHAT DO WE DO!? OLD LIAM Let's try putting that uncanny luck of ours to the test, boy! INT. THE CAR Incubus and Drake are fighting, but Incubus is getting the upper hand. He mercilessly pounds Drake in the face until the doctor is almost unconscious. Incubus looks forward and smiles. The cliff is quickly approaching. EXT. THE CAR LIAM What do you mean, use my luck? OLD LIAM I mean use your luck! Let's try to do something stupid and let that luck kick in and save the day! LIAM Hey, you're right! That usually does happen. Liam stands on top of the car. LIAM I will succeed! OLD LIAM GET DOWN, YOU BRAINLESS MANIAC! A bump. Liam falls. INT. THE CAR Incubus is about to stab Daniels with a knife when all of the sudden... INCUBUS What the...!? NOOOO!!! Liam's butt crashes through the glass, smashing Incubus' head against the seat. LIAM GAH! WHAT'S GOING ON!? EXT. THE CLIFF The car veers away from the cliff and hits a tree. Liam and Old Liam are thrown into a pile of compost. Both of them lie on their backs facing the sky. OLD LIAM That's the way to use your... Uh... Head, Liam. LIAM I guess you could say the bad guy got it in the 'end', huh? OLD LIAM Yeah. LIAM I guess things came to a bad 'end' for him, right? OLD LIAM That's right. LIAM He'll be the 'butt' of people's jokes for a while. OLD LIAM Shut up, Liam. LIAM Okay. I wouldn't want to make an ass of myself. Speaking of ass, what's that smell? OLD LIAM Compost, I imagine. Friends of the Environment set it up. LIAM Should I bother asking what compost is? OLD LIAM It's soft, Liam. Let's just leave it at that. They get up and run to the car when all of the sudden, POW! Incubus knocks both of them in the head with a log. They both fall to the ground. LIAM Ow! INCUBUS You FOOLS! You're dealing with an order from the dark one, here! OLD LIAM Satan? INCUBUS No, Flip Wilson... OF COURSE SATAN! LIAM Why does Satan want to kill a baby for? INCUBUS Don't ask me, kid, it all has something to do with destiny or some divine garbage. That's why we've all been sent out to see that little baby dies... Speaking of "die", guess who's about to? Incubus prepares to stab them both with a knife when, suddenly, car lights shine at him. OLD LIAM Run, kid. Liam and Old Liam run as the Mustang zooms into the picture and runs down Incubus turning him into a quivering pile of flesh. INCUBUS OUCH! LIAM Stacy! Tempus! OLD LIAM How the hell did you get here? TEMPUS Stacy's quite a wiz with cars. STACY Truthfully, it was just a loose hose. LIAM Did you realize that the two of you just said "wiz" and "hose"? OLD LIAM Liam, you and Stacy go check with the family and make sure they're okay. Stacy and Liam run to the car. Tempus and Old Liam stand over Incubus Drake limps over and joins them. OLD LIAM (to Drake) You all right? DRAKE Don't worry about me. INCUBUS (dying) You think you've won? We'll just come after him again and again and again until the deed's done and there's NOTHING you can... Do about it. Incubus dies. Old Liam, Drake, and Tempus look at each other. OLD LIAM He's right, you know. Somehow, for some reason, Satan has it in for me during this period. They'll never be safe now. (a pause) Unless... TEMPUS Unless, what? OLD LIAM Unless they have nothing to look for. TEMPUS Explain. OLD LIAM Tempus, can I ask you a question? TEMPUS You just did, but I'll give you another one. OLD LIAM When I accidently caused the death of myself the first time around, why didn't I vanish when the timeline changed. TEMPUS Well, Liam, it's one of those instances where, if you did vanish, it would have led to a paradox where you would have never existed to cause your death in the first place. The short answer is that the alternate timeline needed you to exist so you became what we call a "temporal orphan". OLD LIAM Back when I was in the orphanage, when I was depressed, this old nun named Sister Brothers would tell me that everyone is here for a purpose. Well, there's two of me now and that means that one of us is superfluous and that Liam... They look over to Liam and Stacy. They're helping the Daniel's out of the car. All of them are safe. OLD LIAM ...he's Got his whole life ahead of him. TEMPUS Liam, I see where this is going and I don't like it. You DO know what you're suggesting, don't you? OLD LIAM Do you see any other way? DRAKE (weakly) Excuse me, but what's going on? What are you planning? OLD LIAM If Satan's minions find DNA in the wreck that matches the DNA they've undoubtedly got, they won't have a reason to search anymore. DRAKE Are you suggesting that you're going to get in that car and... OLD LIAM I have to, dad. Stacy runs over to them. STACY They're fine, but Mom looks like she's got a nasty bump. Come on, we're going to take them to the hospital. Old Liam is silent. OLD LIAM You go. Take Dad too. DRAKE No. Tempus, thanks for all your help, but I think... I think I'm going to stay with my son. Tempus nods sadly. TEMPUS I... Understand. Tempus takes Stacy by the arm, and escorts her back to the car. OLD LIAM Dad, I... DRAKE I'm dying, Liam. OLD LIAM (beat) What? DRAKE I'm a doctor, I can recognize internal bleeding. I'll never make it to the hospital. Hell, I can barely stand now. OLD LIAM Dad, I... DRAKE Don't argue with me, it'll be more convincing if they find me in there too. Old Liam begins to protest. DRAKE I wasn't there to see you grow up, Liam. Let me be here for you now. Think of it as my dying wish. Stacy and Liam walk over. LIAM Dad, what's going on? DRAKE We... Just need to take care of some things. We'll join you later. LIAM Okay... DRAKE Before you go, I just wanted to say how glad I am to have met you. You've made your old man proud, son. (looks at Stacy) Both of you have. Drake hugs them both. DRAKE I love you both very much. LIAM We... Love you too, dad. DRAKE Now go, get help for your mother. Liam and Stacy look at them curiously and then go back to the awaiting Mustang. Tempus waves to them as they drive off. DRAKE Are you ready? OLD LIAM Yeah. Let's do this. INT. THE CAR Old Liam and Drake get into the car and, amazingly, it starts. DRAKE That damned luck of yours. OLD LIAM It's an amazing thing, isn't it? Liam holds his hand up and Drake takes it. DRAKE See you on the other side, kiddo. Old Liam steps on the gas and the car heads for the cliff. FADE TO: EXT. GRANNY GOODNESS ORPHANAGE Holly and Stacy exit the building towards a waiting car. YOUNG STACY But, why did we leave the baby in there? Aren't we going to go back and get him? HOLLY Stacy, sweetie, you're mistaken... There wasn't a baby in this family. For his sake and ours, there was never a baby in this family. YOUNG STACY I don't understand. HOLLY I know, baby, and I hope you never do. They drive off. INT. HELL SATAN is sitting on his throne when a demon appears with a clipboard. DEMON Here is the report you requested, master. We lost Incubus, but the DNA left over from the ambulance clean up was a perfect match to the child you wished destroyed. SATAN The body? DEMON Consumed by fire. There was nothing left. Does that please you, master? Satan sits back on his throne. SATAN It is adequate. I would have preferred a body, but your evidence is more than convincing. Watch the surviving family and we'll just see if that cursed brat shows up again. INT. TEMPUS' PLACE - 2001 Thad and Arturo are there as Liam, Stacy, and Tempus appear in a flash. THAD CHOO!!! LIAM Bless you. ARTURO When you said "be back in a second" I didn't think you meant that literally! STACY What? ARTURO You just left! (sees Liam) Liam, my boy! You're back! Liam spins around trying to see his back. LIAM What about it? THAD Yep, it's Liam all right. So, is everything back to normal? Where's the other Liam? TEMPUS He... He's gone. STACY What do you mean, "we're back"? We've been gone for three weeks trying to recharge Tempus' timesuit to the point it'd bring us all back here! ARTURO Let's just not try to figure it out, child, I have enough of a headache as it is. Tempus walks over and checks the holographic display. TEMPUS Cronoton readings normal, timeline is stable, and all markers are fixed. We're back in our old timeline. LIAM A world where I live in and love Las Vegas, but from the comfort of my own apartment. ARTURO Ah, a world where I rule the world of Upda Creek with an iron fist. THAD A world where I'm still young and in control! STACY (sadly) And a world where Drake abandoned us anyway. (beat) It's funny, I thought that meeting him in the past would help me sort out my problems with him, but it's only made me hate him that much more... He didn't even come to check on us in the hospital. Tempus glares at Stacy. TEMPUS (emotionless) Yeah, the guy was a real jerk. Tempus exits leaving Stacy and Liam confused at his words as we... FADE OUT: THE END Please Rate
"Nativity" Total crap! >> >> >> Supurb!

Results