(Rated for swearing! And there’s slashiness, too. That’s guys likin’ guys, kayo?)

Just Another Supernatural Support Group

Hi. I’m Dravin. Five eight, one-thirty pounds, black hair and green eyes. I have problems.

Well, actually, I had a problem. Then, when I tried to get help with this problem, I suddenly developed a thousand and seven more. Isn’t that just how things go?

I got inveigled into this support group so that I could work out my issues. Unfortunately, it just meant I suddenly had to deal with a bunch of other people’s issues.

This is a story about me, because I’m egotistical and think that my suffering was far worse than anyone else’s during this little escapade in the ever-unfolding drama that is my life. Pull up a chair and listen, will ya?

No one else in group would.

“All right, all right! Calm down, people!” Ms. Rijian yelled, clapping her hands together sharply.

“I resent that,” Pest muttered, glaring at her balefully. Ms. Rijian ignored him, tossing back her long black hair and smiling in a rather harried way at everyone else in the room.

“Welcome to the S.S.G.! We’re all here for reasons that, if not obvious now, will become so later on,” she said, going into full oratory mode. She looked down at her watch, one quick eye-flick, but I caught it. She wanted out of here, and fast.

Not that I could blame her. What had possessed a woman who was obviously very successful to allow herself to be roped into leading this particular support group?

“We’re here to offer support and understanding for each other,” she continued smoothly. “Now, in order for you to become more comfortable with each other, I’ll let you introduce yourselves and share what your goals will be for this group.” Ms. Rijian stood up and strode quickly to the door. “I’ll be back later. Have fun!”

And then she was gone, leaving all of us freaks staring at each other silently. Finally, a tall, beautiful guy with silvery blonde hair and violet-blue eyes stretched languidly and stood up.

“I’m Pleriel,” he said in a husky voice. “And my goal is to get in his-“ here he pointed at me- “pants.”

Let me just say, for the record, that I am not gay. Or, rather, I was not supposed to be gay. There was a mistake.

Unfortunately, it was mine.

“Well, um, that’s… nice,” Pest said, blinking rapidly and shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“Nice?” I said, my voice a little higher than usual. “Excuse me, but no one is getting into my pants. I do the pants getting into, all right?”

“The… what?” another boy asked. He was short and rather sweet looking, with big brown eyes and honey-colored hair. Tempting.

“Shut up,” I said crossly. It wasn’t fair. This wasn’t what I had planned for my life, after all. Pleriel smiled at me slyly, and I scowled back and crossed my legs.

A girl sitting opposite from Pleriel stood up, grimacing. She was Asian- maybe Chinese?- and she didn’t look happy. “I’m Angela. I’m here because of freaks like you.” Here, she pointed at Pleriel, who smiled wider and licked his lips.

Look away, Dravin. Look away.

“Well, I’m Ryan,” the honey-bear boy said, still seated. “And I should introduce Kyaj, who isn’t here today, but he might show up in later sessions.”

“And your goal?” Pleriel asked, leaning forward to put a hand on his knee. Ryan scooted away, blushing, and my scowl deepened. Damn flirt.

“Ah- my goal is to learn better time-share,” he said. Angela started hitting herself in the forehead and Pest started hopping, a sure sign that he was getting antsy.

“I’m Pest,” he said, ducking to preen his chest feathers. “I want to forget how to talk.”

“How did you learn to talk in the first place?” Angela asked the crow. Pest shrugged, or at least made a good attempt at it.

“I don’t know, but one day I was staring at this freaky looking kid who was eating chips and not sharing them with the birds that were obviously starving and needed those chips, so I yelled at him and there I was, talking up a storm!”

“And he hasn’t quit since,” I muttered, remembering when he started screaming at me one day. It was rather interesting- wait, did that bird just call me a freak?

I reached out and tried to hit him, but Pest just squawked and flew around the room before settling on the back of Angela’s chair. I frowned, fidgeting with my buttons until I saw Pleriel grinning at me. Angela clutched her head.

“Would you stop that?” she hissed at him. I rolled my eyes, glancing at Ryan, who was blushing a little.

I don’t think he’s sexy. In fact, he’s not sexy at all. He reminds me of a teddy bear, and that’s not sexy, right?

I really have to get better at this denial stuff.

“What’s your story, then?” Pleriel asked, leaning back and practically oozing hormones. The bastard.

Angela sighed and closed her eyes. “I’m telepathic,” she admitted grudgingly. “I read minds- but only when the person is, well, thinking… naughty thoughts.”

She’s going to have a hell of time with Pleriel in the group, then.

“And you?” she demanded, glaring at the blonde.

Pleriel shrugged. “I, as you put it so eloquently, suffer from a deluge of naughty thoughts, which is not appropriate to my station. I was taken off duty until I could learn to control my impulses.”

“Angels aren’t supposed to have impulses,” I argued.

“I must be lucky, then,“ he said, grinning wickedly. Wickedly! A guardian angel!

What is the world coming to?

“And you?” I asked Ryan, who was looking confused again. “What do you do?”

Pleriel snickered and Angela started to pound her palm against her forehead, so I resolved to think carefully about what I said in the future.

“I’m cursed,” Ryan said deprecatingly. He held up his hand, showing off a thick, ugly ring made of steel on his middle finger. “Kyaj is the spirit who lived in this ring. He wants to take over the world.”

Well, that’s interesting.

“And you, Dravin?” Pleriel asked sweetly. “What do you do?”

“I’m a demon,” I answered as calmly as possible. “I was supposed to be a succubus, but I got the words mixed up and became an incubus instead. All right?”

“Wait- what do those words mean?” Ryan asked, leaning closer to me. Back up, pretty boy- you’re tempting me again.

“A succubus is a female demon who fucks men, and an incubus is a male demon who fucks women,” Pleriel said easily, and it’s very disturbing to hear an angel say the word ‘fuck.’

“I meant to be a succubus, like I said, but I got the words mixed up and they won’t let me change,” I said crossly.

“What’s the problem?” Pest asked, ruffling his feathers. “Can’t you just go after guys anyway?”

I stared at him like he was insane. “I’m supposed to be female to fuck guys! It’s the rules!”

“Rules are meant to be broken,” Pleriel said in a throaty voice.

“Can I be excused from this conversation?” Angela asked, looking very uncomfortable.

So, as you can see, my first session wasn’t very… promising. Not only was an angel tempting me- an angel!- but there was this absolutely adorable boy there, too. Of course, once I met Kyaj, things became even more interesting…

But that’s for another day. I need a break. You should take one, too. You’re starting to look a little peaky, and how can you be a good listener if you aren’t rested and refreshed?

(Hope you had fun!)