Promise specially

"You got a letter, dear." Mom slipped the letter on my desk. Took a look, I smiled. It was you. I opened the letter; the smell of ink and papers conquered my nose. But, I could still sense your smell, the smell of spring. I smiled stupidly as I read through your letter. You still have those childish words and you still called me a little girl.

Hey, little girl:

How are you doing? I'm writing to you in my pajamas. Huh! Don't use your weird imagination again! It's late, but I can't sleep. I really miss you. How's school? Is it hard? Can't believe you are a high school student already. Don't panic, school is easy once you get use to it.....

May got mad at me yesterday, because I accidentally called her with your name. Well, women are always hard to deal with, hope you won't be like that some day. Of course you won't! You are the most special girl I ever met! May and me got married in October. I especially choose that month because it's your birthday month. I bet you'll laugh at my stupid actions on the wedding day if you were here that time.

........

Best wishes,

From: you know who

I put down the letter and sighed. you got married, and I suppose to be happy for you. But I couldn't, I stared blankly at your letter. Do you still remember the promise you made for me? Do you? Maybe it's only a joke that you played with a little girl, but I never thought it was a joke, not even until now.

You promised you'd never marry anyone other than me. You said you'd never leave me, never. I still remembered the puerile smile on my face, but I didn't see your eyes, it was a dark summer night. That year, you were 17 and I was only 9.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

It was a special promise you made for me. It was special, to me.

Remembered the days I stayed in the hospital because of a broken leg? You stayed and watched me days and nights. Your blood red eyes scared me every time I woke up. The nurse said she saw you cried in the hall, but you never admitted it to me. My mom told you to leave for school but you never did. My parents had to go work and it was you who looked after me during the days. You are not only a neighbour that was what mom said. You are not only a neighbour, and that was what other people said. You are not only a neighbour, and, that was what I know.

You remembered those days, of course. You remembered my painful tears and cries. You remembered how hopeless my eyes were, and how I didn't talk for a week. But, you didn't remember how tired you were that you lost 5 pounds in a month. You didn't remember how worried you were that you didn't do well on your exams. You care, care about me. And so I remembered everything you've done for me.

But still, you promised.

I couldn't hate you, because it's only a dumb joke you played on a little girl. I couldn't forgive you, because you promised.

Tears start to fill my eyes. I looked down at the letter again. My eyes couldn't bare the amount of tears, one drop, two drops, and three drops. Tears slide down my face and dropped on the paper. The wet water made some really pretty watermarks on the paper.

I breathed in hard and looked down to the floor. I shook my head to wake myself up. I took out my diary and put the letter in it. I don't like to keep a diary. I kept it because I like to record my sometimes' thoughts. My fingers went through the pages as my other hand wiped away my tears. Suddenly, my hand stopped on a page.

Today, I left. He cried as I walked into the airport. I cried too. I miss him already.

......

I left. I left you. That year, I was 12. I left with my parents to travel around the world. Then, you left too. You went to Japan to study and there you met May, your wife now.

I just realized something.

You, you kept your promise for 5 years. I'm the one who let the promise down. I'm the important part of the promise and I let you down. The month I left was the month you left.

No time for me to think more, the phone rang.

"Hello." I picked up the phone and tried not to sound sad.

"Hey, little girl, what's up?" a familiar voice came out from the other end of the phone.

I stood there, holding the phone don't know what to say. "I got your letter." I said quietly. "You don't have to call if you wrote me, you know."

"I know, but I just feel to listen to your voice." you laughed like saying sweet thing is a joke.

I paused; I don't know what to say. All I could think is the promise. The promise, you promised, you did.

"So, you know now I'm a married man, right?" you laughed again, but this time, it's bitter.

"Uh-ah," I said in my usual low voice. "Too bad, you are like a bird in the cage now."

You paused for a second. You laughed, a nervous laugh. "Yeah." We both didn't say anything, but god knows that I really want to ask you. I wanted to ask you, "Do you still remember your promise? Do you still remember the promise you made for a little girl five years ago? Do you know that she still expects the promise to be the same?"

However, I didn't say anything. I waited, I waited for you to remember, or maybe, I was waiting for this call to over. You asked something about school, and that was it. We both knew that this call was going to end, end.

My hand moved the phone slowly away from my ear. Suddenly, you called my name.

"Gwen." You never called my name, when you called, that meant you were going to say something serious.

"Yes?" I was waiting, waiting for you to say whatever you want to say. My heart pounded, I couldn't hold my breath any longer. But you paused, then, you said,

"P-," you didn't say it, you hold it back. "Nothing. Bye."

"Bye." I knew you still remember the promise, and I was happy to know that.

Your silence gave me the answers to my questions. Yes, you kept your pure promise for 5 years, for me. You kept it until you knew that the promise was not going to come true. And that was why you went to Japan after I left. That was why you married a girl in such hurry.

Maybe, it was an unpromising promise, it was an endless promise. But I knew from my heart that this was a special promise you gave me. You kept this special promise in a special and silent way. This was a promise that I called real. It was real, in a special way.

We both knew that in our heart, and, I think that's what I really want.

Thank you, for your special promise. Thank you, for the special way that you kept it.

November days were cold, but fresh. Your promise was lost, but hidden in my heart.