Just Doo It One More Time

THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Episode 3.22 - "Just Doo It One More Time"
Written by Jason Gaston

INT. HELL Satan sits in his throne holding a glass of wine. The door opens and SCRAPPY enters, stands in front of the devil, puts his hands behind his back, and kicks the ground like a little kid. SCRAPPY Master, I was wondering if I could finally take revenge on my Uncle Scooby now. SATAN (sighs, sounds bored) What's your plan? SCRAPPY Well, I thought that I would use the Nega-scope and... SATAN Excellent plan. Proceed. SCRAPPY YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING!!! A beat. SCRAPPY I mean, thank you master. Scrappy quickly exits. Satan turns to his left and we see a dark figure with glowing eyes that wasn't there before. SATAN That should keep him busy for a few hours. Now, where was I? Ah yes, Senestra Malevolous... and our arrangement... INT. ARTURO'S APARTMENT LIAM, THAD, TRIUMPH, and BIPPO are hanging a banner that says 'HAPPY NEW YEARS 2002 - THIS NEW YEAR BROUGHT TO YOU BY DONCO EATERIES - NOW WITH 65 PERCENT ACTUAL FOOD!" ARTURO I still don't understand why we have to have this year's party in my apartment. TRIUMPH Uh, uh, uh, fat boy! OUR apartment! I pay half the rent! ARTURO I pay all the utilities! TRIUMPH Well, I pay all of our pay-per-view bills! ARTURO But you're the only one who watches pay-per-veiw and it's usually movies like 'Shilo' and 'Cats and Dogs' and 'Benji the Hunted'! TRIUMPH BENJI IS A HACK! I AM A MUCH BETTER STAR THAN THAT HOMO EVER WILL BE!!! Triumph runs to his room and slams the door. LIAM I think you hit a nerve, professor. ARTURO Yes, and it was on purpose. Triumph is incredibly jealous of any dog star. Why, every night when Fraiser comes on, I can hardly hear the set because of him yelling at that dog, calling him a lame one note actor and so forth. LIAM But to rub Triumph's nose in it like you just did. Doesn't that seem a little mean? GARY THE FANBOY walks in. ARTURO Mean? No, It's great because now I have something of Triumph's that I can poop on! GARY Boy, that's an awkward place to join a conversation. The doorbell rings. Thad jumps down to answer it and it's SCOOBY, DAPHNIE, THELMA, FRED, SHAGGY, and FLIM FLAM. FRED Is Liam in here? He wasn't in his apartment. THAD Yeah, he's in here. (to others) Hey, guys! Look who it is! LIAM Scooby! BIPPO Daphnie! THAD Thelma! ARTURO Fred! LIAM Shaggy! BIPPO (re: Flim Flam) Who the f*ck are you? FLIM FLAM I'm Flim Flam! DAPHNIE Isn't he just the cutest thing? GARY No. He's like Scrappy II: The Sequel. THELMA He's started solving mysteries with us recently. LIAM Since when? SHAGGY The Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby Doo. GARY The Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby Doo!? That had Flim Flam AND Scrappy in it! THAD (reacts in horror) SWEET JESUS! How did you guys stand it? SHAGGY Ear plugs, denial, and narcotics mostly. I wonder if any of those ghosts we chased were even real. DAPHNIE You guys STOP picking on Flim Flam! FLIM FLAM Yeah! SCOOBY Rye rowt ryke rim. Rees a rittle run ruv ray rich! ARTURO Do any of you actually understand what that dog is saying? SCOOBY Reat ree roo rat rhit! ARTURO Nope, I'm not getting it. SCOOBY Rut-runch! Triumph reenters. TRIUMPH What is that racket? Who is here? Triumph sees Scooby. TRIUMPH SCOOBY DOO! SCOOBY Rhiuph! TRIUMPH You BASTARD! SCOOBY Runt! TRIUMPH I'll have you know I was the biggest in my family! THAD Uh, I don't think 'runt' was what Scooby said. ARTURO That still doesn't invalidate Triumph's previous statement. TRIUMPH (to Scooby) WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOME! SCOOBY Rear rere roo ree Riam roar roo rears, roo rass riding raggot! TRIUMPH (a beat, to Fred and gang) WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOME! SHAGGY Like, chill Triumph, we're just passing through Las Vegas and thought we'd drop in on Liam for New Years! TRIUMPH Oh no you don't! Liam is MY friend! SCOOBY Rees rine! TRIUMPH Mine! SCOOBY Rine! TRIUMPH Mine! SCOOBY Rine! TRIUMPH MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! (ect...) SCOOBY RINE! RINE! RINE! RINE! RINE! RINE! RINE! RINE! RINE! RINE! (ect...) LIAM I've never felt so loved. TRIUMPH Nyaa Nyaa! SCOOBY Rucker! FLIM FLAM Wow! It looks like Scooby and Triumph don't like each other! BIPPO Thanks for the news flash there, Tom Obvious. Could this situation get any more awkward? SCRAPPY DOO crashes through the ceiling. GARY Obviously it can. THAD Aw, Now I'm going to have to fix that! SCOOBY RAPPY! Rhat rar roo rooing rear!? SCRAPPY I'm here... Scrappy takes out a large weapon, THE NEGA-SCOPE SCRAPPY ...TO KILL YOU!!! FEEL THE FURY OF THE NEGA-SCOPE!!! EVERYONE ZOINKS!!! (with the exception of Scooby who says 'Roinks!') Scrappy fires! Music Sting BLACKOUT ----------- THEME SONG (To the theme of "Higher" by Creed) Well I'm thinkin' It's time to do another episode with Scooby Dooby Doo and gang. And I'm writing Another weird collection of words and jokes and phrases That I'll never use again. Now it's airing. And I hope and pray. That you'll like it. It's underway! Can you rate it higher? Like around a "good" or "great"? If you don't rank it higher, I think I'll get quite irate. Can you rate it higher? Higher than the last few tales? Can you rate is higher? Don't tell me it sucks or smells! Olé! -----------

THE LIAM SMITH SHOW

Rarring

Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"

John Rhys-Davies
as
"Professor Arturo"

Seann William Scott
as
"Thad Coffey"

and
Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"

Ralso Rarring

Neil Patrick Harris
as
"Gary the Fanboy"

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

and
Scrappy Doo

Rest Rarring

Robert Duncan McNeil
as
"Fred"

Julia Roberts
as
"Daphnie"

Janeane Garofalo
as
"Velma"

and
Kevin Bacon
as
"Shaggy"

Rand Ressial Rest Rars

Freddie Prince Junior
as
"Nega-Fred"

Sarah Michelle Gellar
as
"Nega-Daphnie"

Linda Cardellini
as
"Nega-Velma"

and
Matthew Lillard
as
"Nega-Shaggy"

The Following is rated TV-IM. Immature Audiences Only.

INT. ARTURO'S APARTMENT Scrappy has fired the Nega-Scope at Scooby, Fred, Daphnie, Thelma, and Shaggy. Scrappy clicks the beam off and laughs evilly. However, the camera swings back to Scooby and the gang and we see that they are all perfectly unharmed. SCOOBY Rhat ruh rhell? FRED We're not hurt! SHAGGY Like, I ruined a perfectly good pair of underwear for THAT? LIAM Scrappy! You've wrought mischief on me and my friends for the last time! Thad, SIC EM! Thad stands there. LIAM What are you waiting for? Turn into the wolf and kill him! THAD Yeah, but... He totally kicked my ass last time and it really hurt and... LIAM You pansy! Bippo! Go get 'em! BIPPO Are you NUTS!? I'm not going anywhere near that psychopath! GARY I could say something, but it would be to easy. That, and it would probably get me killed. BIPPO Good call, runt. Scrappy laughs and disappears in a wave of hellfire. FLIM FLAM What do you think all THAT was about? FRED I don't know, but I've got a bad feeling about this. TRIUMPH Whatever! Now, all of you GET OUT OF HERE!!! ARTURO Triumph, you're being rude! Why do you harbor such ill feeling towards Mister Doo and his associates? TRIUMPH Why? THEY RUINED MY CAREER! THAD Do what? FRED Triumph was the first Scooby Doo. FLIM FLAM You mean there was a Scooby BEFORE Scooby Doo? TRIUMPH They called me... Scooby Don't. RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO: INT. A TELEVISION STUDIO FRED, DAPHNIE, THELMA, SHAGGY are waiting on the soundstage while CAMERAMEN and a DIRECTOR wait. The director is wearing black goggles, has white spiky hair, and is in a wheelchair... A lot like Doctor Strangelove. SUBTITLE: "HOLLYWOOD - 1968" DIRECTOR Ve're IS he? SHAGGY Like, it's been four hours! DIRECTOR Ve are loosing precious chuting time! Zee pilot episode of Scooby Don't: Vere Are Chew is due in two months and zis dog-actor... Zis Triumph is RUINING every-zing! Triumph enters with two French Poodles and a bottle of Absolut Vodka. TRIUMPH The STAR is HERE! DIRECTOR Triumph! Chew are LATE for chuting! 'alf of zee day is GONE! TRIUMPH Well, the other half will have to be gone as well because I'm late for dinner at Hugh Hefner's house. DIRECTOR If chew leave I vill FIRE CHEW! TRIUMPH Fire me? You can't replace me! DIRECTOR Dah, I can! Any dog can do chore job! Even zat brown and black Great Dane verking in zee commissary! TRIUMPH The retard with the speech impediment? DIRECTOR Zee same! TRIUMPH You insult me! I quit! This show won't last a year without me! Triumph storms out. The Director stands from his wheelchair. DIRECTOR GET OUT! GET OUT! GET... (a beat, realizes...) MINE FUHUR! I CAN VALK! He falls flat on his face. DIRECTOR Uh... No. Nevermind. RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO: INT. ARTURO'S APARTMENT As before. TRIUMPH Scooby Doo got the job and the show was a hit while I ended up doing bits on late night television. ARTURO Well, that's just fine and dandy... But it doesn't explain what Scrappy was doing here! GARY Wait, I'm confused... DAPHNIE Maybe he just wanted to scare us? GARY If the show was filming in 1969, wouldn't you guys be, like, in your fifties or sixties by now? FRED I doubt he was here just to scare us. That weapon he fired at us looked sophisticated and you KNOW how much he hates us! GARY Seriously, listen to me! What were you all doing on a TV show about you solving mysteries if that's what you really DO in real life! LIAM Maybe there's someone we can ask about that... Nega-Scope was. GARY Guys, why isn't anyone answering my well-founded by very picky questions? Bippo takes a rag, douses it in chloroform, and puts it over Gary's face. Gary passes out and falls out of frame. FLIM FLAM Wait, there IS someone we can ask! SHAGGY Like, you don't mean...! FLIM FLAM Yep! Flim Flam takes a crystal ball out of his jacket and rubs it. The face of VINCENT PRICE appears inside the ball. ARTURO Vincent Price? But he's dead! VINCENT PRICE FOOL! You should know that the confines of death could not hold I, Vincent Price! Muh ha ha ha haaa! Everyone takes a step back away from the crystal ball. FLIM FLAM Vince, what's a Nega-Scope? VINCENT PRICE A nega-scope, eh? It is a weapon used by the forces of hell in the uprising against heaven. When fired upon someone, it makes a template and then snatches a copy of that person from the Negaverse. LIAM The what? VINCENT PRICE The Negaverse... A perverted mirror image of our universe where good is bad, light is dark, and Freddie Prince Junior is talented. BIPPO IMPOSSIBLE! ARTURO You mean to tell me that Scrappy Doo is making Nega-copies of Shaggy, Freddy, Scooby, Thelma, and Fred? VINCENT PRICE Exactly. ARTURO Oh, COME OFF IT! What proof do we have? Suddenly, The wall blows open revealing a giant hole. THAD Son of a BITCH! Can't the forces of evil use a damn DOOR for once!? Five figures appear in the hole. NEGA-FRED, wearing a sleeveless white shirt, sporting piercing, chains, and a Mohawk. NEGA-DAPHNIE: With a slutty miniskirt, and a low cut top with the words "PORN STAR" etched across the front. NEGA-THELMA: A butch lesbian wearing leather and a whip with a buzz-cut. NEGA-SHAGGY: A tall lanky crack addict with a nervous twitch and torets. And NEGA-SCOOBY, a black Great Dane with sharp teeth, red eyes, and a foaming mouth. Scrappy steps out from behind them. SCRAPPY Behold! The Nega-Scooby Doo Gang! SCOOBY Row no! NEGA-SCOOBY (English accent) I am devoir to assent. I am disinclined to phonate the interval has transpired for you to succumb, my dear counter universal brethren. NEGA-SHAGGY Like... (twitch) ...in other words, you're gonna... (twitch) ...gonna... POOPIE! DILLWEED! SHIZZIT! TIG OL' BITTIES! ...Kill you, man! Nega-Thelma cracks her whip. NEGA-THELMA Not yet! Let me have some FUN with them! Nega-Fred puts on a pair of brass knuckles. NEGA-FRED I'm gonna send this one out to all my negas. Gary slowly gets up, still pretty woozy. GARY Did I miss anything while I was beddie-bye? BIPPO Nega-clone via a nega-scope from the nega-dimension. GARY Huh? BIPPO (sighs) Refer to Star Trek episode #34. Gary stands there for a second as his head makes computing sounds. Finally, there is a 'PING' sound. GARY Evil mirror versions of the Scooby Doo gang? BIPPO Bingo. GARY Got it. Filed. Stored. Ready. Ctrl, alt, delete. LIAM Guys, look at them! They look ridiculous! How do we know that these nega people pose any kind of real threat? Nega-Thelma cracks her whip around Flim Flam's neck and yanks his head off with one tug. The Crystal Ball falls out of his dead hands, rolls out the door, and bounces down some stairs. VINCENT PRICE (O.C.) Owie! Owie! Owie! LIAM Huh. That would seem to prove it beyond any reasonable shadow of a doubt. NEGA-SCOOBY I am de rigueur to observe that you are timorous analogous to the way we aspire you to be. SCRAPPY (confused from Nega Scooby's speech) Uh... (quickly) T-That's right, you fools! Welcome to MY gang! Nega-Scooby Doo Gang ATTACK! Scrappy throws a quarter into the air. The Nega-Scooby Gang leap at Liam and the real Scooby Doo Gang. Nega-Shaggy hits Shaggy across the face. Nega-Scooby kicks Arturo through a wall and smacks Liam against another wall. Nega-Fred breaks a chair over Fred's head and kicks Gary in the balls. Nega-Daphnie fires arrows from a small crossbow on her wrist and pins Thad through his clothing to the wall and kicks Daphnie in the head. Nega-Thelma cracks her whip around Thelma and Bippo knocking their heads together and sending them into unconsciousness. Scrappy's quarter hits the ground. SCRAPPY Excellent, my pretties! You've made your daddy proud! Liam wakes up as Nega-Thelma's boot comes down on his chest. Liam farts. LIAM Sorry. NEGA-THELMA No, I'm sorry for the torture and extremely slow and painful death you're about to go through. Today, we're going to start killing you. LIAM Start? SCRAPPY The people from the Negaverse are extremely... Shall we say... Creative when it comes to killing people. Nega-Fred pulls Arturo's unconscious bulk out of the wall. NEGA-FRED The way we do it takes five days. THAD (still pinned to wall) F-Five days? NEGA-THELMA We're going to pour honey on your genitals and nail you to the ground over a fire ant bed. NEGA-SHAGGY We're gonna... (twitch) ...gonna tear out your fingernails and... BOOTYLICIOUS! And make you eat your own intestines. PEE-PEE! NEGA-FRED We're going to break all your teeth with a ball ping hammer and then make you drink rubbing alcohol. NEGA-SCOOBY We design to extract your eyeballs while still affixed to your ocular nerve and allow voluminous vermin to make a repast of them while you are constrained to scrutinize every macabre and algetic juncture of it. NEGA-DAPHNIE But first... we're going to make you watch every Freddie Prince Junior movie ever made. Liam and Thad, being the only two left conscious, scream in terror as does Scrappy Doo. SCRAPPY Sweet Jesus, that's TOO much! THAD Well, I'm not going to let your torture ME to death! IT'S WEREWOLF CLOBBERING TIME! (a beat) And by that, I mean it's the werewolf who's going to be clobbering not the werewolf that gets clobbered... BUT NEVERTHELESS! Thad transforms into the werewolf and tries to break free of the arrows. THAD/WEREWOLF (struggling futilely) Damn... UGH... Damn high quality double stitched Ambroque and Finch clothing! Why must I be so vain!? WOOF! LIAM You just couldn't buy K-Mart like the rest of us, could you! THAD/WEREWOLF WOOF! Bite me! WOOF! SCRAPPY But as for my Uncle Scooby, his death will be at MY hands. I... A beat. Scrappy looks around. SCRAPPY All right, where's my Uncle Scooby? LIAM And for that matter, where's Triumph? NEGA-SHAGGY They, like... (twitch) ...must have gotten away during the fight. BOOBS! THAD/WEREWOLF (still struggling against bonds) Woof! Woof! SCRAPPY Aw, who let the dogs out? THAD/WEREWOLF Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! SCRAPPY I said... Who let the dogs out!? THAD/WEREWOLF Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! SCRAPPY ANSWER ME YOU FOOLS! WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!? THAD/WEREWOLF Woof! Wo... SCRAPPY SHUT UP! LIAM Yes, Thad.. Shut up. NEGA-SCOOBY I'm solicitous to confer that they absconded by dint of the vacuity that my cohort produced when he hurdled Professor Arturo through the wall. It was ineliminable. SCRAPPY Very well, because I am a merciful master and I don't have the slightest idea what the hell you just said, I will spare you this time. Besides, disposing of my Uncle Scooby's friends will hurt him worse than I ever could! LIAM Oh yeah!? Well I bet that right now, Triumph and Scooby are getting the Justice Squad or something to save us! You just wait, Scrappy! YOU JUST WAIT!!! EXT. A ROAD OUTSIDE OF LAS VEGAS A car zooms down the road away from the city. INT. THE CAR Scooby is driving with his teeth chattering while Triumph sits in the passenger seat. TRIUMPH Move it, Scooby! Give it some f*cking gas! SCOOBY Rime riving rit rall ree's rot! TRIUMPH I say we only stop to gas up and if we have to go, we just hang it out the window! When we get to New York, we hop a plane and get to some out of the way quite and safe Third World Country! SCOOBY (sadly) Row-kay. TRIUMPH Oh, what are you so mopey about, my phonetically challenged friend? YOU'RE still alive! SCOOBY Reah, rut rhall rye rends rar roing roo rye ree-rause rye rusen't rave ree-ruff roo rave rim. Rall rye rife ri've reen running rand running rum revery-ring. Ronsters, riches, rere-roofs, and roasts. Scooby slows down and stops on the side of the road. SCOOBY Rime rired ruv running rall ree ryme. Rye rhant roo rand rup roar rye-relf roar ronce. Row roar ram rye rowing roo run revery-ryme rye ree rum-ring rhat rares ree. Rhyme rowing roo rand rup roar rye-relf! Rhyme rowing roo ree rum-roddy! Rhyme rowing roo rave rye rends! TRIUMPH That was a touching sentiment. SCOOBY Really? TRIUMPH FOR ME TO POOP ON! I didn't understand a single word that came out of your mouth! Scooby gets out of the car and begins walking back to town. TRIUMPH Hey! Where are you going!? Scooby keeps walking. TRIUMPH What? To go save your friends? Come on! Have you LOOKED at them? That Fred for example, I would have to wear protection just to hump his leg! I kid... I kid! They're good kids. FOR ME TO... (a beat) GET BACK IN THE CAR, IDIOT! Scooby keeps walking. INT. AN ARMY SURPLUS STORE A man sits at the counter as Scooby walks up to the counter. MAN And what can I do for you? SCOOBY Runs. Rots rof runs. MONTAGE: A paw grabs a machine gun. A paw grabs a strip of ammunition A paw grabs a Bowie knife. A paw grabs a soda. Scooby is facing away from the camera as he wraps a bandana around his head. Scooby puts on a black leather jacket. Scooby puts on a pair of sunglasses. EXT. THE ARMY SURPLUS STORE The floors fly open and smoke billows outward. We see a silhouette as the camera zooms in. It's Scooby Doo dressed up like a cross between the Terminator and Rambo. Scooby cocks a shotgun. SCOOBY Rhile ree rack roar rah rooby rack! MUSIC Buh-duh duh-dah-daa! Buh-duh duh dah-daa! Buh-duh duh-dah-daa! Buh duh duh-dah-daa! INT. ARTURO'S APARTMENT Arturo, Liam, Fred, Daphnie, Thad, Bippo, Thelma, Bippo, and Gary are tied up on a couch being forced to watch television. On top of the VCR we see video covers for "Wing Commander", "Head Over Heals", "Boys and Girls", and "She's All That". Nega-Scooby, Nega-Fred, Nega-Daphnie, Nega-Thelma, and Scrappy look on from a safe distance. All of the gang are staring blankly ahead with drool dripping from their agap mouths. Gary, on the other hand, is leaning forward bouncing up and down in his seat enjoying the show. GARY Wow! Wing Commander kicks ASS!!! SCRAPPY (to Nega-Fred) I don't understand! This Freddie Prince drivel should have turned them ALL into slobbering idiots! NEGA-FRED Not to worry. Once we put in "Summer Catch" they'll ALL be lomobomized including the little sci-fi freak. EXT. A ROOFTOP Overlooking Upda Creek Apartments we see the black Silhouette of Scooby Doo holding some kind of a shotgun. EFFECTS SHOT: We see the sights of the gun. The crosshairs are pointed at Scrappy Doo's head. THE TRIGGER Scooby's finger wraps around the trigger. EFFECTS SHOT: We the the sight again. Scrappy's head is in the cross hairs. SCOOBY'S EYE Suddenly we see in Scooby's eye, a look that can only be called pity and compassion. EXT. A ROOFTOP We see the black silhouette of Scooby hold the shotgun. He sighs, places the gun down, and unsheathes his knife. He puts the knife in his mouth like a pirate and immediately spits it out. SCOOBY ROUCH!!! RYE RUNG!!! INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT As before. The gang is staring vacantly ahead as Gary seems to be enjoying himself. GARY Yeah, it's a little dumb... But at least there's no Jar Jar in it. MATTHEW LILLARD (on TV) Mesa my dah spacey-ship! GARY (smiles) Lillard, you crazy! NEGA-SHAGGY That... (twitch) That Lillard pisses me off. BONG! When we're done here... (twitch) ...let's kill him next! POOTY-POO! NEGA-SCOOBY All in propitious tempo, my nodding acquaintance. There are multifarious commonage I would dote upon espying detriment to in the duration hitherto in this dimensional parallel. That vexing cur from Fraiser for beau ideal... SCRAPPY Parallel Scoobys, different in every way and I STILL can't understand either one of them! NEGA-SHAGGY HOOTERS! (twitch) GARY Would you guys keep it down, please? Suddenly, SCOOBY DOO crashes through the last unbroken window in the building and sets the television aflame with a flame thrower. SCRAPPY SCOOBY DOO! SCOOBY Rappy Roo! GARY MY MOVIE!!! Scooby pulls out a machine gun and hold it at Scrappy and the Nega-Scooby Gang. Liam and the Scooby gang snap out of it. LIAM They... They made us watch a Freddie Prince Junior movie, guys! SHAGGY I, like, feel so violated. BIPPO Feel violated later, Shnookums. Now is the time to GET EVEN! THELMA (pissed) You are DAMN STRAIT!!! The gang is about to advance when Scrappy points at them. SCRAPPY Not another step, meat sticks, or I sic my nega-gang on you. They're better, stronger, and faster than all of you and would take you all out in a second. NEGA-SHAGGY Narf! (twitch!) Poit! ARTURO He's right. We'd never stand a chance in a direct conflict. SCOOBY Rat's rhat rye rought, rut rye rhave ray ran! NEGA-SCOOBY I am not au fait to compass an especial vocable you just animadverted! SCOOBY Rhat rid roo ray? NEGA-SCOOBY Is it unfeasible for you to verbalize the English vernacular? SCOOBY Reek Ringlish, roo rastard! NEGA-SCOOBY Your muzzle is actuating, but nought is forthcoming! SCOOBY Rhat rare roo raying!? FRED My God! ARTURO It's like a Mobius Loop. SCRAPPY (fed up) ENOUGH OF THIS!!! Nega-Scooby Doo gang, I COMMAND YOU TO ATTACK! Scooby points his machine guns at them. SCOOBY Rye roodn't roo rat riff rye were roo! Everyone looks at Shaggy in confusion. He sighs and walks over to a switch on the wall that says "SUBTITLES" and flips it on. SHAGGY Like, you were saying? SCOOBY Rye raid, rye roodn't roo rat riff rye were roo! SUBTITLE I said, I wouldn't do that if I were you! SCRAPPY And why not? SCOOBY Re-rause roar rife ris rin ranger! SUBTITLE Because your life is in danger. SCRAPPY Don't make me laugh. SCOOBY Ro, really rhit riss! Rye ront roo rive roo rone rast rance roo ree ray rood rog roar ronce. Rive reared rum-ring roo-ray... Rive reaned rat reaven rifferences ran rive ramily ray rart rand ro rone rould rold rat rah-rinst ranyron. Riff roo rant roo rome rack, real rake roo. SUBTITLE ????????????????????????????????? SCRAPPY I don't understand a single word that just came out of your stupid mouth, Scooby Do-Do, but I do know this! You're no killer and there's no way you'll fire those weapons at me! You're too much of a softy to just kill someone in cold blood. Scooby stares at him. Finally, he puts the guns down. SCOOBY Rammit, ree's right. BIPPO I would have done it. I still can! Watch! Bippo bends down to get the guns when, all of the sudden, Nega-Thelma cracks her whip and snatches the guns away. Now, the Nega-Scooby Doo gang is armed and ready to fire. BIPPO Smooth move, Scooby. THAD Yeah, thanks a lot. SCRAPPY I've been waiting so long for this! No more waiting! We have to kill them all NOW! NEGA-FRED Yes! Kill NOW! NEGA-SHAGGY TALLY-WACKER!!! (twitch!) BANG BANG! BOOM BOOM KITTY! Snark. NEGA-SCOOBY I acquiesce... Well, I accede in favor of the partage anent dispatching our emulators. Not the portion apropos to the phallus. SCRAPPY Whatever. Now, DIE!!! The Nega-gang and Scrappy are about to blow Liam and the Scooby Doo gang away when, suddenly... VOICE Tah, dah, dah, dah, duh, dah! SCRAPPY That... That voice! VOICE PUPPY POWER!!! WHAM! Something breaks through the last unbroken window in the apartment. He stand at a foot high and has an angelic face, large shiny eyes, and a cute pink little nose. SCRAPPY It CAN'T BE! GARY What the hell is it? SCRAPPY It's... NEGA-SCRAPPY The Nega-Scrappy! Music sting. NEGA-SCRAPPY A polar opposite of your Scrappy from the negaverse! Where he is pure evil, I am pure good! BIPPO I think I'm going to be sick. SCRAPPY This changes nothing! You will ALL be destroyed staring with this goody-goody abomination of-- Scrappy turns to face the Nega-Scrappy. Nega-Scrappy is gone. SCRAPPY Wha...!? WHERE IS HE!? Scrappy turns around and sees the Nega-Scooby gang in a bloody heap on the floor having just had the crap beaten out of all of them. Scrappy turns back around and Nega-Scrappy is standing right in front of him. SCRAPPY GAH! NEGA-SCOOBY Boo. SCRAPPY YAH! Scrappy disappears in a wave of hellfire. LIAM Wow! Nega-Scrappy kicks ass! NEGA-SCRAPPY Yes, he does. FRED Good job, Scoob! SCOOBY Ruh? SHAGGY Like, making a Nega-copy of Scrappy and then using it against him. Brilliant, man! SCOOBY Rye ridn't roo rit! EVERYONE What? THELMA I think he said he didn't do it. THAD Then who? Triumph enters holding the Nega-Scope. TRIUMPH That would be me. SCOOBY Roo!? TRIUMPH Yes, me... Once I finally figured out what you said it touched me... touched me in a way that opened my heart and would have otherwise cost me at least fifty dollars. Scooby Doo, I owe you one. SCOOBY Raw, rhat a rice ring roo ray! TRIUMPH Really? SCOOBY ROAR REE ROO ROOP RON!!! TRIUMPH Bastard. EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS Everyone and the Nega-Scrappy is standing outside as Police Chief Piggy and several other officers put the Nega-Scooby gang in a paddy wagon. Liam is talking to Nega-Scrappy. LIAM Are you sure that you don't want to take them back? NEGA-SCRAPPY Tuh! Are you kidding? I've spent a lifetime battling evil in the negaverse and with them being held here, in a universe where evil always looses... It'll only make my jab easier! ARTURO But how are YOU going to get home? NEGA-SCRAPPY Easy as pie, professor. Good-bye everyone. Nega-Scrappy throws down a black circle which becomes a hole in the ground and jumps through. Everyone steps forward in confusion. LIAM (re: hole) What do you call THAT? BIPPO A plothole. Rimshot. Scooby and Triumph walk by arm in arm. TRIUMPH (to Scooby) No, I'm telling you, you poop INSIDE the bag first and THEN set it on fire! SCOOBY Rin-Ride! Rot it! Liam, Thad, Arturo, Gary, Fred, Daphnie, Thelma, and Shaggy watch them go. ARTURO Well, would you look at that. SHAGGY Like, they started off not liking each other and NOW they're best friends! LIAM Kind of give you hope for the world, doesn't it? That through an attack by the right hand mutt of Satan, evil alternate versions of you, and a screening of a Freddie Prince Junior movie... The result is a blossoming friendship. THAD Liam, I never knew you were such a poet. (a beat) And I never knew you were so gay. LIAM Oh, come on Thad! We're alive, we're unhurt, the bad guys are going to jail, we're here with old friends and about to start a new year! Yep, things are only looking up! FADE TO: INT. HELL In a match cut, Liam and his friends are on a big screen TV being watched by a dark figure with red eyes. The door opens and SATAN ushers SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS inside with SCRAPPY DOO. SATAN (re: dark figure) Ah, Worldkiller... I was hoping you would be here. WORLDKILLER I have always been here. SCRAPPY Been watching Babylon 5 a bit much? SATAN Oh, don't mind Scrappy. He just had his ass handed to him by some old rivals of his. A beat. Worldkiller doesn't respond. SATAN (unaffected) Anywho, this is Senestra Malevolous. SENESTRA Charmed. Senestra goes to take his hand, but her hand passes through his. SENESTRA (taken aback) Well... Heh heh... I never liked dense men anyway. SATAN Senestra, Worldkiller isn't here yet... Only on his way. This is him in his holographic form. WORLDKILLER Why are you introducing me to your underlings, dark one? SATAN Oh, you know... Being the lord and master of the underworld is a time consuming prospect and I must take care of it or else the damned will get backed up and there will be paperwork and all that stuff that will be a giant pain in my ass. Therefore, I am delegating my second in command and my liaison to the overworld to take care of your needs. WORLDKILLER We had a deal. SATAN Look, with the US bombing al Qedia, there's a bunch of terrorists down here whining about their 17 virgins and how they were promised they were going to sit on the right side of Allah and all that crap. Idiots. WORLDKILLER I will not be pandered to. SATAN You're not. I trust these two implicitly. Worldkiller looks at Scrappy and Senestra. WORLDKILLER Very well, dark one. I will allow this concession. Satan looks like he's trying not to snicker. SATAN (snorts) Uh, yeah. (clears throat) Well, Worldkiller, my friend in fiendishness... So begins the final year of the Earth, eh? WORLDKILLER And the first year of the re creation where WE will be gods. Satan looks up at the monitor where Liam and the gang are celebrating New Years. SATAN Oh yes, Liam Smith... celebrate now. Soon, you will meet your ultimate fate and I will have your soul! Senestra! Scrappy! See to Worldkiller's plans! I'll be preoccupied! Satan marches out the door. Senestra and Scrappy look fearfully at Worldkiller. FADE OUT: THE END